Some thoughts

Still on the subjects of office poops, I would recommend reading this post on some dude's blog. Also printed without permission is a great example of the support of the office poop that has been flooding in. I will post for sheer hilarity factor.

I routinely take 2-3 dumps a day totaling around 30 minutes. We only have one toilet (guys/girls separate) which is shared between our office and two other companies in the building, so around 20 guys. Having one toilet is a blessing and a curse...a double-edged sword if you will. On one hand, you get the freedom of being as loud as you want. Grunting, laughing, cheering, etc. is completely okay because there is no one in the stall next to you to judge. However, on the other hand, timing and responsibility is an issue. Not only is your dump delayed if someone is already in there, but you are subject to the ramifications of your shit. For example, if you clog the toilet, only the person who last used the toilet can be blamed. Or if there is a huge skid mark or rancid smell, again, you are to blame and everyone knows it. To each his own I guess.

Tomorrow I am flying to Atlanta and then going to the Outer Banks of North Carolina for a week. Expect limited blogging, unless the epic happens.

Anyhow,

Everyday I ride the El to work. In the morning it is fine because I do the crossword which keeps me busy. Side note: Chicago Tribune xword is teh sux0r, LA Times is ze uber 1337. But on the way home I have nothing to do, so I have developed a habit that I preform every day. When I get on the train I immediately rank every female on the train. Then I look at the hot ones through the glare in the windows. I am pretty sure everyone does this. I know this because I have made eye contact with people looking at me through the glare in the windows.

Eye contact is one thing that I don't really understand how it works. How do humans know that someone is looking directly into their eyes and not gazing past them? Everyone knows when someone is looking at them. It is the same question I have about how gravity works. How does one body know another body is in it's presence, and how does gravity exert force on another object? Maybe those aren't really that similar but it bothers me that I don't understand how either fundamentally works.

The problem is that making eye contact always makes things awkward. That was one of the motivations for buying sunglasses, so I can scope out smokin' hotties without them knowing. But sometimes people still can make eye contact with me through my sunglasses. Just today I was across standing across from a girl that was ranked number 2 on the entire train. We instantly made eye contact and then for the entire train ride it was weird. We were only 3 feet from each other and we were both actively not looking at each other, which is always obvious no matter how hard you try to act natural. Then that coy game starts with each one glancing to see if the other is looking at them, but all that does is alert the other that you were glancing at them. It's all terribly pithy.

So then I have to come up with something to occupy my mind so I don't look at her. I asked myself a hypothetical. Today it was, would you rather start a Rush cover band or a Air Supply cover band. But the catch was that if you started a Rush cover band you couldn't play Tom Sawyer, and if you started the Air Supply cover band you couldn't play All Out Of Love. I successfully argued against myself that while Canadian, Rush had a string of hits that would provide better material over the long run that Air Supply even given the fact that you would rarely get laid in a Rush cover band. (My hypothetical cover bands are all about the music, not about the chicks.)

I know, I probably should have just started talking to her. But after not talking to her after we first made eye contact, there would be no way I could have started a conversation after that. Plus I don't like making dumb small talk, epically when everyone else on the train is able to hear my lame pick up game. Maybe I could have told her that she was the second hottest girl on the train. Of course that would have been hard because we both had headphones on.

Alaska

After I graduate college I hope to have a few months off before I start my career. Many graduates take this time prepare themselves for 35 years of mundane office life, full of Excel spreadsheets, memos and TPS reports. With my last summer vacation I intend to go into the Alaskan wilderness to prospect gold for a month. I've been thinking about this for a couple of years, but didn't decide to really do it until a few months ago.

The first thing people usually ask me when I tell them is "Why?". Well, I guess it's because I want a challenge. I want to be self-reliant. I want to prove to myself that I can survive. I image it is for many of the same reasons that Throueau went to Walden, Christopher McCandless went into the wild, and John Muir decided to leave his ranch to climb Mount Rainer. When I come to die, I don't want to discover that I had not lived. One of my fears is that I won't have any experiences that will truly define my life. I think that's why people join the Army or backpack across Europe, or skydive, so that they can have something to define their lives. Perhaps the core of man's spirit truly is through new experiences.

I read Into the Wild as a sophomore in High School. When I saw a piece on tv about Christopher McCandless there was a park ranger that tried to explain that if he had only brought a map he would have been able to hike out and save himself. I think the park ranger completely missed the point of why he was there in the first place, to live without the map.

But I don't just want to hangout in Alaska for a month. I have things that I want to do, mostly prospect gold. Gold prices are at an all time high and the idea of finding gold completely tantalizes me. Every night I think about standing in an Alaskan stream in the warm June sun, with the mountains around me as I pan for gold. Even if I don't find any, I think the experience will be well worth it.

So over the past few months I have been reading books about gold prospecting, gold rushes, wilderness survival and Alaska. I have been looking up placer gold deposits, making lists of supplies I will need and scouting where I want to go. Although I'm not quite sure of what I exactly plan to do, I do have an idea. My general plan is to fly into Anchorage and take the Trans-Alaskian Railroad to its terminus at Seward, AK.


From there I will hike into the Kenai Pennesula and set up camp somewhere along one of the many rivers that flow out of the Kenai Fjords. I will hunt, fish, trap, forage and scavenge for supplementary food. I will prospect for gold during the day and build fires at night. I will stay until I decide to hike out. Then I will sell my gold, if I have any, and return home.

I have already started to think about what to bring, namely how much whiskey will be required, and how I will be able to transport all those bags of Franzia. I do worry about bears being attracted to the sweet aroma of the Chablis. This is one of the reasons I intend to purchase an AR-15 assault rifle. It should be light out nearly 24 hours a day while I am there so I don't have to worry about things going bump in the night. I have held off reading Into the Wild and Call of the Wild, so I can bring them with me. I also need to decide which American Flag to bring, but I think I will go with the eagle.

This is my chance to get off the grid and live without reservation and without responsibility. A month without cell phones, Facebook, Ipod's, and blogs. Hopefully I will be able to find a job that allows my pipe dream to become a reality. I believe that everyone looks for an adventure in their life, but some are too afraid to find it. This will be my adventure.

My Favorite Fad

It was during middle school. Around the time that kids started putting gel in their hair to spike up the front so it looked like there was had a wall of hair coming out of your forehead. We had just started wearing Ambercrombie and Fitch, and Brittney Spears had taken over our pale, semi-developed libidos. Times were good, mainly because we had a fixation on WWF Wrestling. While wrestling as a fad wasn't that cool, when we weren't running around putting each other in half nelsons, we did do something that was much cooler. Telling everyone we saw to "Suck It". It wasn't just saying "Suck It". That alone meant nothing, the gesture had to be incorporated. The true "Suck It" gesture is hard to describe, but I would say it involved arching out the pelvis while simultaneously karate chopping either side of your genitals and yelling "Suck It".

Triple H performing the always popular cross suck it variation

To us, telling someone to suck it was par for the course any day at East Hills Middle School. I look back now and wonder how we got away running around telling anyone who would listen to "Suck It". I also look back and think that I hit that fad at the perfect age. I was just old enough to have a vague idea of was was supposed to be sucked, and not too old that I couldn't chalk my behavior up to adolescent innocence.

The money keeps rolling in slowly

After I setup Google Adsense, I predicted that I would get my first 100$ check in January 2009. Well as of right now I have earned exactly 50$. So I'm nearly on pace. Unfortunately, the money flow has come to a trickle. Refer to the following graphs.

Despite the increase in hits, I am seeing a decrease in clicks per hit. I didn't even get a click in the month of June. So here is a chart of my earnings per day.


It seems that I when I blog about AdSense more people click the ads. I still have to decide what I am going to do with all of these "Internet Monies" Either way, I am making money to write about taking poops at work (which I get paid to do anyways). I'll leave you with a quote from a 9 year old.

We thought we could make money on the Internet. But while the Internet is new and exciting for creative people, it hasn't matured as a distribution mechanism to the extent that one should trade real and immediate opportunities for income for the promise of future online revenue. It will be a few years before digital distribution of media on the Internet can be monetized to an extent that necessitates content producers to forgo their fair value in more traditional media.

Life in Chi-Town

Sorry I haven't blogged in awhile I've been pretty busy. Actually that is a lie. I wrote one of the best story blogs I have ever written. It is at Tucker Max level. It's about going back to Ann Arbor and a wedding over last weekend. I would publish it but it's a little raunchy, and it is one of those things I would never want my kids or any girl to read. I have a few blogs that are really good but I just can't bring myself to publish them because they involve some nefarious acts, perhaps with readers of this blog. I guess I draw the line just below pooping in a box. And the point of this blog is to get chicks, not scare them away. So instead I'll share with you a little look into my life.

My life has fallen into a bit of a routine but I like it. I've been cooking for myself, which is something that I really can't do in the Box house. The best I could do at school was Michealinas, which were 10 for 10$ at Meijer. Michealinas has three levels of pricing which is; budget for 1$, regular for 1.50$ and gourmet for 2$. The thing is that some of the budget entrees are the best, and since they all cost the same at school I just got the ones I wanted. In Chicago however, they actually form to the pricing plan, and oh boy do I look poor when I buy the budget Michealinas and Wacky Mac (which btw has absolutely no branding on it). But just last week I made Chicken Parmigiana. It only took 4 ingredients but it was one of the best dinners I have made in a long time.

I have also been reading more. I didn't really read much between the ages of 12 and a month ago. I read a few books for high school classes but I missed out on a most of the great classics. I even took a class my second semester senior year called reading for enrichment, which was designed for kids who were planning on graduating and was "taught" my the drama teacher. I didn't really read anything unless you count The Multiple Man as a book (high school newspaper reference). I think I spent a week in that class reading a road map. Luckily my roommate has a great collection of books so I've been catching up on some good novels and autobiographies. I just finished reading some J.D. Salinger short stories, and while I did read Catcher in the Rye in high school, and as much I hear that I remind people of Holden Caulfield, I dislike every character Salinger has ever created. I think it stems from his overuse of the word "goddam".

I also try to watch a movie every night from my roommates 1000 disc collection. I'm finally watching all of those movies that you have always wanted to see, but never wanted to rent/admit it. I also watch at least one episode of South Park every night. I like to see the shows transition from plot based episodes to mainly pure social commentary.

On the weekends I usually wander around Chicago getting gay and seeing the city. I am going to try to make it up to the school where they filmed Breakfast Club and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I also play beach volleyball once a week, go out with the other interns and "hang out" with Vickery's GF.

I have some better posts in the works, but in the mean time, WTF with the coinage comments? And thanks to everyone who wrote/texted/gchatted about taking office poops. It easies my work load to know that your easing your work load.

Urinals

Ok this is one of my biggest pet peeves. I know this isn't my first post about urinals (there are three), but I think it might be the most frustrating. I work in an office building and there are three urinals in the bathroom on my floor. There are two regular sized urinals and then a short one on the end. This pisses the hell out of me.

The first person who goes to the bathroom naturally takes the regular sized one on the end. I have never seen anyone go for the kiddie or middle urinal when given the option. You can't go next to the first guy when a spacer is available (rule two). So that means when the second person comes in they have to pee in the kiddie urinal (rule six). So why not put the kiddie urinal in the middle? That way the first two get the regular sized urinals with a spacer. It's not like there are ever three people peeing simultaneously. Plus I imagine etiquette would dictate that if you come upon a sole-remaining double flanked kiddie you use a stall.

Also as a side note, why the hell is there a kiddie urinal in an office building? I mean granted there is a midget, but he works on a different floor. Can't the children and little professionals just use the stall, I mean, I doubt I could pee if there was a midget peeing next to me. I would fear getting my backspray on his shirt or something.