Brian Renames His Blog

Well the title really says it all. I renamed my blog, but in the third person (omniscient not objective, obvi). The reasons were clear, I never really loved my first name, and to be honest, I knew it would be tough from the start (Lurk Moar). Especially because I don't have Muttonchops. But I think this name is prefect in every way. I also changed the color scheme around a bit. Partly because I don't really like any of the templates and partly because I'm not my hero, and don't have the ability to do much about it. I hope you like the new name, and Welcome to the Internet Fatass.

Brian Gets a Raise!

Being on vacation at the beach rocks because you don't have to worry about work. But I still get emails from my boss saying that there is an open charter to drive the football team to the high ropes course and stuff. I can totally disregard them. But when the subject line reads "Student Driver Pay Raise" I get excited. And so beginning on August 12th I will get a $1.50 raise. That's a substantial increase in pay. Combine that with the $.50 raise I got in May, in 3 months I've gotten a 20% pay increase. Do I know why we are getting getting a raise? No. Am I pleased? You bet. So now I get $12 an hour to drive around Ann Arbor and meet friendly people.

IM LEEEEROY JENKINS!

I work with a guy whose name is LeRoy Jenkins. He is a big, strong black guy who could easily kick my ass. But every time I see him I just want to yell "I'M LEEROY JENKINS" If your unaware of why Leroy Jenkins is a interneters family name check this out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkCNJRfSZBU

Now if only I worked with a guy named Rannndy Watson.

Another Reason to go to Michigan

Lets face it Michigan really is the leader and best. Best fight song, best football uniform, flag on the moon, largest football stadium, highest out of state tuition, etc. But what about this...

Did you know that Michigan was the home of the very first Panty Raid? That's right on March 21, 1952, 600 men of West Quad raided the all female South Quad and stole their panties. After that, panty raids became all the rage across the nation, with a particularly crazy raid taking place at UC Berkley. So if you think that we're not pioneers over here at the U of M, think again because we invented the Panty Raid.

Brian Improves Working Conditions

A few weeks ago I was sitting in the break room at work. I was very bored and decided to fill out a safety suggestion form. Too bad the best safety suggestion I could come up with was this:

(I wish I could scan this in...)

Describe Problem:
Lack of divider between the urinals of the breakroom bathroom. Dangerous crossflow combined with the minimal urinal spacing makes for a hard situation when multiple people need to pee.
Your Proposed Solution:
Add a divider or respace the urinals to allow for better access to waste resources. Unfortunately this will limit Ipod sharing while using the bathroom.

Well a few weeks later I got this in my mailbox:

Hello Brian

While the Safety Committee doesn't view your suggestion in the safety category, but still deserves a response.
We actually investigated and priced out how we might expand the bathroom facilities at Kipke several years ago. The women's bathroom is even more limited than the men's and that is what prompted that study. It would be very costly to reconfigure the facilities and we (management) decided not to pursue it.

The urinals in the men's room are very close together, but there is not room enough to space them differently without redoing the plumbing (another costly item). We could remove one urinal, but feel that having two is better in case one is out of service.

We suggest is that if one of the urinals is occupied that you use one of the enclosed toilets instead.

Michael Bodary, Senior Buyer

Haha can you believe that someone had to actually dignify that suggestion with a page long response. He even gave me a suggestion as to how I could avoid any awkward situations. To bad he didn't address the issue of Ipod sharing. Oh well.

I think this means I am entered into a safety drawing. If I win money because if this...

What are the odds? Really?

Well last weekend I was on a diplomatic mission to Iowa to visit Mark's hometown. Small town America is awesome! Everyone in town knows the minute you get a chick preggers. So, were at this kid's house playing what might be the first game of Scat every played in Emmitsburg. There were 8 of us sitting around when we realized that we needed something from upstairs. We decided to Rock Paper Scissors for who had to go. I was still questioning how 8 person RPS even works, when the most remarkable throw occurred. Of the 8 of us, 7 threw scissors and the 8th kid threw paper and lost. It was like we planned it. Well I took stats and probability and I realized that the odds of that happening were 1 in 2187 (3^7).

But the real kickier came when 40 minutes later we had to run upstairs again. So again RPS was called into play and again the identical throw occurred with the 7 of us having the same throw and the same kid throwing the losing hand. The odds of this happening twice is a row is 1 in 4,782,969 I mean that should never happen. But what really defied the odds was that it was again with 7 scissors over 1 paper. The odds of what we witnessed happening again is a controlled setting are 1 in 14,348,907.

And you say there is no God?