Thank God I'm Alive

I saw Mike Barwis on State Street. It was the scariest thing that has happened to me since I got between Jibba Jabba and an empty beer can.

For those who don't know, Mike Barwis is the new strength and conditioning coach at Michigan and he has the ability to scare the shit out of me. I was looking to see if it was really him, but your never supposed to look directly into Mike Barwis' eyes, he sees it as a sign of aggression. This man is pure terror. Apparently in addition to calling every male athlete "Stallion" he fights MMA. It would be a toss up between him and Kimbo Slice. This is what a former Wrestler for WVU said about him:

My first interaction with Barwis was on the first day of wrestling practice when he called all the freshman and first-year wrestlers into the training room, locked the door, and gave us a 20 minute tongue-lashing. The most memorable part: "I'm not your friend. If you see me on campus, don't smile at me. Don't nod at me. You're meat. You exist for the upperclassmen to beat on." After his "motivational speech," he walked out, slammed the door, and left a room full of silent athletes wondering What did I just get myself into? I think one kid was crying. We went from there to our first workout. No less than 5 kids quit during warm-ups that day.

He was even able to keep Pacman Jones out of trouble at WVU. He got in the face of some kid at open tryouts:

What I can vouch for is that Barwis is amazing. His presence is absolutely terrifying, he's so incredibly motivating that even in the brief time I was there I would have done absolutely any drill he made me do as hard as I could. He's a very, very special coach - you want to do exactly as he says because you're so very sure that it'll make you better. During the suicides that we did at the end, he singled me out because I was lagging and screamed at me; I've never willed my body to go faster ever in my life. Awesome.

Not awesome. So there I was, looking directly at Mike Barwis, too scared to move, knowing there was no place to flee. I immediately took a left and walked right into the street preferring to get hit by a car than by Mike Barwis. I then ran three blocks home, knowing at any second I could be dead. I have no doubt that I am lucky to be alive right now, and even luckier to have gotten so close and escaped.