The Best of Crime Notes

I have long been a fan of the Michigan Daily's summation of crimes reported to DPS. I have complied a top 10 list of some of the funniest crime notes I have read in my tenure.

10. Door stolen from Markley room - 9/22/04
The Department of Public Safety reports that a door was stolen from a room in Mary Markley Residence Hall yesterday at 2:30 a.m. The doorless room, 2123 Frost House, is in a men’s hallway. DPS has no suspects.

9. Man punched in head while boxing - 3/12/02
A man was struck in the head while boxing at the Central Campus Recreation Building Sunday afternoon, according to Department of Public Safety reports. He was not unconscious, although his speech was incoherent. He was transported to the University
Hospital's Emergency Room by Huron Valley Ambulance.

8. Mysterious liquid reported to DPS, found to be water - 3/18/05
A custodian at the Electrical Engineering building reported to DPS yesterday that there was some type of liquid coming from underneath a door. The spill was later investigated by the Occupational Safety and Environmental Health Department and identified as water.

7. Worker reports ripped pants - 11/1/04
An employee training at Michigan Stadium early Saturday morning called DPS to report that he accidentally ripped his pants while working.

6. Scrolls stolen, porn accessed at School of Ed. - 12/1/04
A caller reported to DPS on Monday that two Chinese scrolls were stolen from the School of Education and a computer was accessed to download pornography there.

5. Omelet stolen from University hospital - 11/07/05
Hospital security reported the larceny of an omelet at the University Hospital on Saturday around 11:15 a.m. The suspect was allegedly a patient in the psych ward that is currently under investigation, according to the Department of Public Safety

4. Girl slapped by stranger under West Hall arch - 9/23/05
A caller reported a man running up behind her and slapping her while she was walking under the West Hall arch yesterday late in the afternoon, the Department of Public Safety reported. She said the 28-year-old man was a stranger. DPS classified the man as highly intoxicated. The subject was arrested and then released until his warrant was authorized. The offense is a misdemeanor and could result in two years in prison.


3. Motorist punched in face by pedestrian - 3/23/05
A man reported to the Ann Arbor Police Department that he was punched in the face by a pedestrian while he was sitting in his car at a crosswalk on Monday afternoon.
The 30-year-old man said he was heading eastbound on Hill Street at about 4 p.m. when he stopped at a crosswalk at East University Avenue. The driver said a man crossing the street pointed at his front tire and said something. When the driver rolled down his window, the man walked over and punched the driver in the face.

2. Sexual remark appears on RA's board - 10/2/06

A sexual remark appeared on a female resident adviser's dry-erase board in Bursley Hall Saturday night, the Department of Public Safety reported. The remark read "My dick feels like corn." Police have no suspects.

1. Unknown person leaves feces in Bursley dorm room - 2/7/05
A caller reported to the Department of Public Safety that an unknown person had left a bowel movement in a Bursley Hall dorm room. The caller said the incident occurred while he and his roommate were asleep.