Brian gets Kicked out of Michigan Stadium, Haggles

Yesterday was the first time I've ever been kicked out of the Big House despite regularly being a drunken mess and passing out inside the stadium.

After a great tailgate, it was about halfway through the first quarter when Paul and I decided to go to the game. As usual I filled up my flask with 101 proof Wild Turkey (pretty strong stuff). Walking to the game, I wanted a hot dog. There are 6 hot dog vendors and I took AP econ for a semester in high school so I have a strong knowledge of supply and demand. They wanted 1.50$ for a hot dog. Well I only wanted to pay a dollar, so I pitted them against each other and eventually at the last vendor I broke their price fixing scheme. I believe I cited the Sherman Antitrust Act.

When we got to the gate, I realize that I had lost my ticket but to my luck find one lying on the ground. I guess that there is about a 5% chance this ticket will scan. I get into the stadium on a ticket I found, with a flask of whiskey and a BAC well above any reasonable level. As usual my friend Alex bribes the hydration station people to sell him a 5 gallon jug of water. This way we can stay hydrated during the game. Well, he had 5 gallons of water and I had a flask of Wild Turkey. Whiskey Water it is. The water now had a light brown tinge and smelled like whiskey. I think that about 20 people around us helped out on the whiskey water. But unaware of the impending event staff coming down the aisle I took a huge pull from the 5 gallon jug. They told me to come with them and confiscated my mixed drink. I thought I was done for sure. To them it looked like it was a 5 gallon jug of whiskey, they were unaware that it was mostly water. They kept asking me how I managed to get it into the stadium. I didn't say a word. I guess they decided that because I didn't make a scene they wouldn't MIP me. So I got to watch the second half on TV.

Thanks to Jessica Hanley for the picture. Its classic.

On the way home I was hungry again. They sell 5$ pizzas outside the stadium and I wanted one. I decide that I am only going to pay 3$. I'm drunk and my haggling skills are in full force. They tell me they won't sell me one. We'll see about that, so I ask to see their permit, they don't have one. I go tell on them to the hot dog vendors down the street. Hot dog vendors are a feisty bunch because they call the cops. Now the pizza people have 900 pizzas and can't sell them. Because of me. I guess instead of now selling me pizzas for cheap they decided that because they are about to lose thousands of dollars that they wont sell me one at all. Fine by me, there is much more haggling to be done. I head back down Hoover to the hot dog/hamburger vendors. I decided that 3$ is far too much for a hamburger. 2$ sounds better to me. First few vendors laugh at me. But the third guy is so impressed by my amazing haggling skills he gives me one for free. It was so good that I had to actually buy a second one, I think I gave the guy 7$ for the second one. But that guy was cool as shit.

And that is just 1 hour of a completely blogable football Saturday. If I wrote about the tailgate itself this post wouldn't fit on the internet.

Nightmares

Last night I had some scary dreams, like in one I was in a fight. In another I was living with all of my roommates in Couzins and there was a lion fighting an aardvark fighting a zebra in the courtyard, and every time I looked out my window there was another animal like a horse and dog. Eventually there was a human baby involved and I had to go down and save it. That was scary. But the dream that caused me to wake up in a cold sweat was that for some reason people weren't allowed to comment on my blog. It was awful. So analyze my dream and comment about it, if you can.

Also, I can feel my dream of being the subject of a craigslist missed connecting is getting closer to reality. There was a rant and rave about a bus driver. That could have been me, but it wasn't. Someday there will be a "superhot superfunny bus driver, I want to sit on your face" post. Until then I'll keep checking. And don't post that, because I'll know it was you.

That Guy

I accidentally thought my History 241 lecture started at 2:00 instead of 2:30 so I went into the classroom and was surprised that it had started early, I sat down before I realized it was the last part of the art history class that gets out at 2:30.

Though, to everyone else in the lecture hall I looked like that guy who comes to the last 20 minutes of a lecture and immediately puts his headphones on and falls asleep. Finally a girl woke me up and told me "Class is over, you can now go home and sleep."

BOX House on the internets.

Our very Ross has become yet another internet celebrity after this picture appeared on the website collegehumor.com.

It appears that a few other people also took pictures, as we've been seeing them pop up on facebook. Too bad the BOX letters didn't make the pic. We also spread the BOX to Oregon after playing thunderstruck with some old timers and trading t-shirts. It looks like were on the up and up.

Brian Tries to get into Crime Notes

There is a reason that when you search for Brian Russell on the umich directory its easy to figure out which one I am. There are 3 nobody's and 1 campus legend. I attempted to continue this streak by trying to take an upper decker at University President Mary Sue Coleman's house today. It ended in failure when I realized my diet consisted mainly of cheese.

Brian Works at Night

I worked the graveyard shift tonight from 7pm to 3am. I really like working late nights for several reasons; there is almost no traffic, there are almost no passengers, most traffic lights go to blinking red after midnight, there is no rush to get home to do stuff and there are usually drunk people you can fuck with.

For example, around 1:20 I was sitting at CC Little drinking Diet Coke and playing scratch off lotto tickets when these three drunk girls tried to sneak two traffic cones on my bus. The were less than stealthy, but sat in the back to hide their loot. I got up and strolled to the back and asked "Are you ladies in possession of any stolen university property." They nervously stare at each other, while I stare at the traffic cones. The one that hadn't crapped her pants yet started apologizing, but I broke in with a "Well, it looks like I'm going to have to call this one in to DPS." The last girls craps her pants. I turn to go to the radio as the third girl whose voice is trembling in fear of being arrested her first night at Michigan says "Well put them back I promise. Please don't call the cops." By then I couldn't help but turn around and laugh and tell them that I really didn't care if they stole traffic cones. I got you good, fucker.

Later I was being creepy with some drunk freshmen girls and even got invited back to their Bursley dorm room. One of them ran her fingers through my hair. It was pretty cool. To bad that the night was highlighted by a different event one that will have bus 3028 live in infamy.

The Pre-Blog Blogables

I wish I had my blog back during my freshmen year of college so I could go back and remember all of the things I did before I had my blog. Looking back at some of the things we did in the dorms I wonder how I didn't get kicked out/maimed. Se here's the stuff I can remember and if you can add anything leave it as a comment.


-Turning off the water to the toilets on a Friday night so by Monday every toilet had at least one dookie in it.
-5th floor keg the night before MLK day.



-Putting up fat chick porn in all the bathroom stalls.
-Asking my math GSI to hang out and drink beers. He sent a class wide email subject: Hangout Policy. It was a no go.
-Drinking with my RA from the keg we had sneaked into the triple on St. Patty's Day.
-Playing strip beer pong in my dorm room the night before my Calc 2 midterm. My grade was also a no go.
-The time that we built Normandy style beach fortifications in the hallways to slow down people.
-Getting sick in the 5 Blagdon bathroom.
-Building a snowman on E. Medical Center right in the middle of the road until a trucker tore it down.

-Getting written up twice in 24 hours.
-Going to lunch so drunk that I ladled ranch dressing all over the sneeze guard.
-Ordering 80's Gold off of an infomercial.
-Trying to order 1000 chicken fa-jitas, eating 5 chicken sandwiches, and what my server referred to as "the largest plate of chicken broccoli bake ever served."
-Dorm room golf.
-Hollering at girls with our Megaphone and getting them to come up to our room.

-Getting a free room key by offering to trade her a Chicken Sandwich instead if giving her 5$.
-Attempting to actually use the ergopod.
-Dropping everything to contribute all of my energy to the Save Forest campaign.
-Dropping ice cream cones down the stairwell.
-Throwing an entire loft out of the 4th floor window piece by piece.
-Booting in Alex Galarza's shoe when he was visiting for the weekend.
-Drinking a Beer in the Shower while my neighbor was having sex in the next shower over.
-Signing up for Speed Dating but getting too sloshed on Long Islands, and passing out on my floor.
-Walking back from our engin final through the Arb, smoking cigars and drinking 40's.
-Turning the megaphone siren on all the time.
-The last week in the dorms I had moved everything home and came back up for 5 days to "get a job", but really I had nothing to do but drink a majority of the 145$ of beer that Paul and I bought the week before. I had 3 things in my room, mattress on the tile floor, computer, and a fridge full of beer. I was the very last person to officially leave my floor.
-Pooping in the freight elevator.
-Ohh and this...