After a great tailgate, it was about halfway through the first quarter when Paul and I decided to go to the game. As usual I filled up my flask with 101 proof Wild Turkey (pretty strong stuff). Walking to the game, I wanted a hot dog. There are 6 hot dog vendors and I took AP econ for a semester in high school so I have a strong knowledge of supply and demand. They wanted 1.50$ for a hot dog. Well I only wanted to pay a dollar, so I pitted them against each other and eventually at the last vendor I broke their price fixing scheme. I believe I cited the Sherman Antitrust Act.
When we got to the gate, I realize that I had lost my ticket but to my luck find one lying on the ground. I guess that there is about a 5% chance this ticket will scan. I get into the stadium on a ticket I found, with a flask of whiskey and a BAC well above any reasonable level. As usual my friend Alex bribes the hydration station people to sell him a 5 gallon jug of water. This way we can stay hydrated during the game. Well, he had 5 gallons of water and I had a flask of Wild Turkey. Whiskey Water it is. The water now had a light brown tinge and smelled like whiskey. I think that about 20 people around us helped out on the whiskey water. But unaware of the impending event staff coming down the aisle I took a huge pull from the 5 gallon jug. They told me to come with them and confiscated my mixed drink. I thought I was done for sure. To them it looked like it was a 5 gallon jug of whiskey, they were unaware that it was mostly water. They kept asking me how I managed to get it into the stadium. I didn't say a word. I guess they decided that because I didn't make a scene they wouldn't MIP me. So I got to watch the second half on TV.
Thanks to Jessica Hanley for the picture. Its classic.On the way home I was hungry again. They sell 5$ pizzas outside the stadium and I wanted one. I decide that I am only going to pay 3$. I'm drunk and my haggling skills are in full force. They tell me they won't sell me one. We'll see about that, so I ask to see their permit, they don't have one. I go tell on them to the hot dog vendors down the street. Hot dog vendors are a feisty bunch because they call the cops. Now the pizza people have 900 pizzas and can't sell them. Because of me. I guess instead of now selling me pizzas for cheap they decided that because they are about to lose thousands of dollars that they wont sell me one at all. Fine by me, there is much more haggling to be done. I head back down Hoover to the hot dog/hamburger vendors. I decided that 3$ is far too much for a hamburger. 2$ sounds better to me. First few vendors laugh at me. But the third guy is so impressed by my amazing haggling skills he gives me one for free. It was so good that I had to actually buy a second one, I think I gave the guy 7$ for the second one. But that guy was cool as shit.
And that is just 1 hour of a completely blogable football Saturday. If I wrote about the tailgate itself this post wouldn't fit on the internet.
No comments:
Post a Comment