It appears near the end credits when Kenny is totally cheesing his balls off and is driving his Trans Am to fight in the Breastriary of Nippopolis, and swim in the fountains of Varnov with the itty titty fairies of Mammary Mountain and then fight the boob goblin in the gazongas cave. I don't think anyone else has this on their car. If someone else has this, they would surely put it on the internet and I checked the internet and it isn't there.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Loc-Nar Trophy Hood Decal
I've been thinking about getting a racing stripe for my Camaro. I had been thinking a double white racing stripe would accent the black paint pretty well. Then tonight, I was watching one of my favorite South Park episodes, Major Boobage, and I had a moment of inspiration. I think I know what I putting on my Camaro.
It appears near the end credits when Kenny is totally cheesing his balls off and is driving his Trans Am to fight in the Breastriary of Nippopolis, and swim in the fountains of Varnov with the itty titty fairies of Mammary Mountain and then fight the boob goblin in the gazongas cave. I don't think anyone else has this on their car. If someone else has this, they would surely put it on the internet and I checked the internet and it isn't there.
It appears near the end credits when Kenny is totally cheesing his balls off and is driving his Trans Am to fight in the Breastriary of Nippopolis, and swim in the fountains of Varnov with the itty titty fairies of Mammary Mountain and then fight the boob goblin in the gazongas cave. I don't think anyone else has this on their car. If someone else has this, they would surely put it on the internet and I checked the internet and it isn't there.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Roomates: Jake
The summer after freshmen year most everyone I knew went home. Back to high school jobs, old friends and their familiar bedrooms. I didn't mind being at home where the food was good and the beer was free once the parents went to bed, but the thought of spending three months in the suburbs doing chores around the house was too banal for me. I decided that I would rather spend my summer in Ann Arbor living in the house that we had leased for the next year. I was already paying rent on it starting in May, so I figured I might as well get some use out of it. I had no idea that I was about to spend the summer living with Jake.
My sophomore house, where I lived with Jake
My sophomore house, where I lived with JakeMy 5 future roommates had all gone home for the summer, but three of them had found sublets. There were two girls and Jake, it was a lot like The Real World. One girl was the semi-girlfriend of a roommate, the other girl wore a shirt that read "V is for Vegan" and for that reason I never really talked to her. But Jake, he was the life of that house and my summer. Jake didn't go to Michigan, but went to Washtenaw Community College. He was from the nearby town of Saline, MI which is about 20 minutes south of Ann Arbor. Whether he was around or not, his crew was always at the house. By crew I mean like 8-10 guys that I got to know pretty well that summer. They were mostly kids that I would have never hung out with in High School, who just hung around the house and drank 40's and sold drugs. I also became pretty good friends with a few them, and would occasionally party with them the rest of my college career.
Like I said earlier, most of my friends had gone home for the summer, so I didn't really have too much of a social network. In the spring I was taking 8 credits of math and physics which equals a full semester course load. I was also training to become a bus driver, a job which I would hold for the next three years. But whenever I would come home there would always be guys hanging out. About once a week I would come home and Jake had bought something for the house, sometimes furniture, sometimes something completely random. Whenever I would ask him about it he would always respond "I got it for cheap". Eventually I just stopped asking because I had a pretty good idea. I didn't care much, because even though I shouldn't have, I trusted Jake. And it turns out he came through a couple of times.
Jake liked to throw parties at our house. I liked them too because I didn't have many other parties to go to, and usually his crew would pay for the keg. They always seemed like there were too many high school kids, but I got the impression that Jake was such hot shit at his High School that even a year after he left everyone wanted to go to one of his parties. Jake's parties were always huge and packed. They would usually get busted pretty early, and once by dumb luck I got stuck taking the noise violation. Jake knew that it was his party and mostly his friends and offered to pay for it. I knew he should have, but up until then I didn't really think he would have.
For a long time I never knew how he always had money to pay for things. He had a job at a water park and he did some small time drug deals on the side, but it didn't quite ever equal out. Late one night during the summer he told me how he made all his cash over a few 40's on the porch. What Jake would do is always try to work the cashier at the water park where kids got in for $3 and adults for $5. What he would do is charge everyone as adults, tell the customers the right amount and pocket the difference. So if 2 adults came in with 3 kids, he would enter them in the computer as 4 adults and 1 kid but then charge them $19. He would then pocket the $4 difference. Then he would come home with wads of fat cash.
What always amazed me about Jake was the for someone that didn't even go to U of M (at that time) he was amazingly connected. Everyone knew him. He knew some of my friends who lived in the Box house. One of the old box guys Brent had been buying beer for one kid in his crew for years. For the next three years after I lived with Jake I would see him around. Always at the bar, around campus and at parties. He would always stop what he was doing and take a shot with me. He would usually show up to Box tailgates and our parties. He was a great friend to have, because he was loyal. He would stand up and get into fights for us. The kid who could kick the crap out of anyone is always a good friend to have.
That summer was excellent because there were always visitors around, my future roommates, my friends, and Jake and his crew. Living with Jake was a total trip. He was the first of a streak of roommates that who weren't great roommates, but totally amazing people to live with. I think, without Jake in that house the summer would have gone down as a boring wash.
Like I said earlier, most of my friends had gone home for the summer, so I didn't really have too much of a social network. In the spring I was taking 8 credits of math and physics which equals a full semester course load. I was also training to become a bus driver, a job which I would hold for the next three years. But whenever I would come home there would always be guys hanging out. About once a week I would come home and Jake had bought something for the house, sometimes furniture, sometimes something completely random. Whenever I would ask him about it he would always respond "I got it for cheap". Eventually I just stopped asking because I had a pretty good idea. I didn't care much, because even though I shouldn't have, I trusted Jake. And it turns out he came through a couple of times.
Jake liked to throw parties at our house. I liked them too because I didn't have many other parties to go to, and usually his crew would pay for the keg. They always seemed like there were too many high school kids, but I got the impression that Jake was such hot shit at his High School that even a year after he left everyone wanted to go to one of his parties. Jake's parties were always huge and packed. They would usually get busted pretty early, and once by dumb luck I got stuck taking the noise violation. Jake knew that it was his party and mostly his friends and offered to pay for it. I knew he should have, but up until then I didn't really think he would have.
For a long time I never knew how he always had money to pay for things. He had a job at a water park and he did some small time drug deals on the side, but it didn't quite ever equal out. Late one night during the summer he told me how he made all his cash over a few 40's on the porch. What Jake would do is always try to work the cashier at the water park where kids got in for $3 and adults for $5. What he would do is charge everyone as adults, tell the customers the right amount and pocket the difference. So if 2 adults came in with 3 kids, he would enter them in the computer as 4 adults and 1 kid but then charge them $19. He would then pocket the $4 difference. Then he would come home with wads of fat cash.
What always amazed me about Jake was the for someone that didn't even go to U of M (at that time) he was amazingly connected. Everyone knew him. He knew some of my friends who lived in the Box house. One of the old box guys Brent had been buying beer for one kid in his crew for years. For the next three years after I lived with Jake I would see him around. Always at the bar, around campus and at parties. He would always stop what he was doing and take a shot with me. He would usually show up to Box tailgates and our parties. He was a great friend to have, because he was loyal. He would stand up and get into fights for us. The kid who could kick the crap out of anyone is always a good friend to have.
That summer was excellent because there were always visitors around, my future roommates, my friends, and Jake and his crew. Living with Jake was a total trip. He was the first of a streak of roommates that who weren't great roommates, but totally amazing people to live with. I think, without Jake in that house the summer would have gone down as a boring wash.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
E-Mail Legend
How do I know I am a Campus Legend at Michigan? Because 8 months after I graduate they are still detailing my exploits in the Michigan Daily. Last April I detailed the horrific disaster of group emailing. The post, including what I had emailed is here.
I send out this email as a joke, write the blog post and go on my merry way. Fast forward 8 months. The daily writes a story where they quote (actually misquote) the email I wrote.
I send out this email as a joke, write the blog post and go on my merry way. Fast forward 8 months. The daily writes a story where they quote (actually misquote) the email I wrote.
It wasn’t, of course, the end. Later on, the 65th response took frustration to a new level.
“I swear that if any one else replies to all I will hunt you down on the umich directory and disable every electronic device that they own.,” it read. “I will convert your keyboard layout to Swahili. / The person who sent out the original e-mail spammed a group that she does not control. SHE CANT TAKE YOU OFF THE MAILING LIST. You have to e-mail the owner to be removed. DON’T EMAIL THE ENTIRE GROUP TO BE REMOVED. Seriously learn some email etiquette.”
That's how I know. 8 months after I graduate The Daily publishes emails I wrote.
Monday, April 19, 2010
The Roomates: Max
Over the course of my four years in college I lived with a total of 20 different people. If I count the people who stayed with us, or the practically live-in girlfriends that number approaches 30. 5 of them were girls, and some of them were quite blogable. Many of them also make up the readership of this blog. Time to burn some bridges. So lets start from the start: Max.
Max was my freshmen year roommate. Meaning that I didn't have any say in the matter of us living together. Max was from Chicago, and if I recall his facebook page said that he was at one time an Ambercrombie model. I later found out that this was completely untrue, but Max probably could have been. I've allured to him before in this blog, most aptly:
I found his life to be interesting, but himself to be quite boring. His personality was not one that would fit itself to long conversations of philosophical importance, but rather to lists of the top 10 mammals with the largest dongs.
Within several days of living together, we both realized that we were very different people. He instantly went out and joined a frat. You could have taken one look at him and known that. Which ended up being nice, because while he was busy doing the elephant walk I had the room to myself. This story seems to describe Max perfectly. When he was rushing, his best friend on the hall also rushed. His best friend was pretty cool but after awhile he began to see through all of the pledging bullshit. He would come over and talk to Max about how he would keep doing it so that he could be a brother, but was disillusioned by the process. (He probably said that with 50-300 more of the phrase "Bro get this") Max would agree, and then he would go and tell the brothers that his best friend wasn't 100% into it. He managed to get his best friend kicked out of the pledge class. Classic Max.
We got along fine. Mostly because we quickly realized that we were never going to be friends. Then it just came down to co-existing. Plus, he had a smoking hot GF and they used to bone while they thought I was asleep. But as someone who was obsessed with his own vanity, he found it particularly hard to -how do you say- not be a douche bag.
During the next three years I would sometimes run into him around campus. Usually I would be walking with my friends and he would be going to the gym. We would say hi as we passed. That was about all that needed to be said.
Max was my freshmen year roommate. Meaning that I didn't have any say in the matter of us living together. Max was from Chicago, and if I recall his facebook page said that he was at one time an Ambercrombie model. I later found out that this was completely untrue, but Max probably could have been. I've allured to him before in this blog, most aptly:
My freshmen year roommate would sit on our futon all day every Saturday and browse Facebook. He had one of two standard responses to everyone on Facebook.
1) This chick is hot. I'm going to facebook her.
or 2) He's in that frat? They're so gay.
I found his life to be interesting, but himself to be quite boring. His personality was not one that would fit itself to long conversations of philosophical importance, but rather to lists of the top 10 mammals with the largest dongs.
Within several days of living together, we both realized that we were very different people. He instantly went out and joined a frat. You could have taken one look at him and known that. Which ended up being nice, because while he was busy doing the elephant walk I had the room to myself. This story seems to describe Max perfectly. When he was rushing, his best friend on the hall also rushed. His best friend was pretty cool but after awhile he began to see through all of the pledging bullshit. He would come over and talk to Max about how he would keep doing it so that he could be a brother, but was disillusioned by the process. (He probably said that with 50-300 more of the phrase "Bro get this") Max would agree, and then he would go and tell the brothers that his best friend wasn't 100% into it. He managed to get his best friend kicked out of the pledge class. Classic Max.
We got along fine. Mostly because we quickly realized that we were never going to be friends. Then it just came down to co-existing. Plus, he had a smoking hot GF and they used to bone while they thought I was asleep. But as someone who was obsessed with his own vanity, he found it particularly hard to -how do you say- not be a douche bag.
During the next three years I would sometimes run into him around campus. Usually I would be walking with my friends and he would be going to the gym. We would say hi as we passed. That was about all that needed to be said.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Brian Wins epic game of risk
I play online risk at a site called Conquer Club. They have many different maps than the original board game, and players have 24 hours to take their turn. I usually go on once a day to take my turns.
Back in September I started out in an 8 person game of a map called Europa (shown below).
The game just finished today; 208 days and 128 rounds after it begun. It was a marathon game of attrition.
Sept 14th - Game Begins
Sept 17th - I capture the Hellenics
Oct 4th - I capture the 5 Mediterranean Island bonus
Oct 5th - First player is eliminated
Oct 9th - Second player is eliminated
Nov 3rd - I lose the Hellenics
Nov 12th - I capture the Italic States
Jan 15th - I lose the Mediterranean Island Bonus
March 4th - Third player is eliminated
March 8th - Fourth player is eliminated. This was the same player that had eliminated the third player just 4 days prior.
March 11th - I recapture the Mediterranean Island Bonus
March 16th - I capture Western Europe
March 18th - I capture Benelux. I am now the most powerful player in the game.
March 29th - I capture Central Europe. If the other players have any chance they need to stop me now.
April 1st - 5th player is eliminated. He attempted to to organize a large attack on me. He is justly killed and the bloody head on the fence post shows the two remaining players that they can't mess with me. I am now too strong, any attempts at resistance is futile.
April 9th - Sixth player is eliminated. The last two players were trying to combine forces to take me on. After finishing him off I am barely stronger than the last remaining player
April 10th - VICTORY! I get promoted to Captain.
It was a thrilling game that for months at a time were sheer boredom. But I emerged victorious because of patience, skill and a solid understanding of game theory.
Back in September I started out in an 8 person game of a map called Europa (shown below).
The game just finished today; 208 days and 128 rounds after it begun. It was a marathon game of attrition.Sept 14th - Game Begins
Sept 17th - I capture the Hellenics
Oct 4th - I capture the 5 Mediterranean Island bonus
Oct 5th - First player is eliminated
Oct 9th - Second player is eliminated
Nov 3rd - I lose the Hellenics
Nov 12th - I capture the Italic States
Jan 15th - I lose the Mediterranean Island Bonus
March 4th - Third player is eliminated
March 8th - Fourth player is eliminated. This was the same player that had eliminated the third player just 4 days prior.
March 11th - I recapture the Mediterranean Island Bonus
March 16th - I capture Western Europe
March 18th - I capture Benelux. I am now the most powerful player in the game.
March 29th - I capture Central Europe. If the other players have any chance they need to stop me now.
April 1st - 5th player is eliminated. He attempted to to organize a large attack on me. He is justly killed and the bloody head on the fence post shows the two remaining players that they can't mess with me. I am now too strong, any attempts at resistance is futile.
April 9th - Sixth player is eliminated. The last two players were trying to combine forces to take me on. After finishing him off I am barely stronger than the last remaining player
April 10th - VICTORY! I get promoted to Captain.
It was a thrilling game that for months at a time were sheer boredom. But I emerged victorious because of patience, skill and a solid understanding of game theory.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Baseball Betting Analysis
I've decided to use the analysis I conducted on NFL season over/unders and apply it to Baseball.
The first thing that I did was compare the Vegas estimated total wins for the baseball against the possible number of total wins. I added all the teams over/unders and got 2441.5. Which is amazing because the baseball season only consists of 2430 games. That leaves 11.5 wins unaccounted for. The reason that this occurs is that most sports fans like to bet on their team to do well. Because off all this action on the overs, Vegas moves the lines to attract the betting on the other side.
Not only are the over/unders inflated on the aggregate, they are also somewhat normalized. During the 2009 season there were 5 teams that had less than 70 wins, Vegas predicts that no team this year will have below 70 wins. There have been at least 4 teams that go below 70 wins each of the last 5 years. If I could make a prop bet that at least three teams will have less than 70 wins, I would take it.
Here is a chart that compares this years predictions vs. last years results:
For comparison, I took the variance in number of wins between 2010 and 2009. Vegas predictions have a variance of 46.56 while the actual variance last year was 126.40.
I believe most of those 11 phantom wins that Vegas is predicting will affect teams in the bottom half of the league. Fans being hopelessly optimistic will always believe (and bet) that their teams will do better than expected. For football I actually compared the teams to their schedule and used Vegas's own odds to predict how well they would do against other teams. Since I don't have time to compare a 2430 game MLB season, I think I'll just bet the under on each of the bottom 7 teams. I'll throw a little more money on the ones at the very bottom.
Even though I don't know much about baseball I can still confidently predict the results of teams that I cannot name a player on the roster. 6 months from now I'll see how good my predictions were.
Bets:
Pittsburgh Pirates - under 70
Son Diego Padres - under 71
Toronto Blue Jays - under 71
Washington Nationals- under 71
Kansas City Royals - under 71.5
Baltimore Orioles - under 74
Houston Astros - under 74.5
The first thing that I did was compare the Vegas estimated total wins for the baseball against the possible number of total wins. I added all the teams over/unders and got 2441.5. Which is amazing because the baseball season only consists of 2430 games. That leaves 11.5 wins unaccounted for. The reason that this occurs is that most sports fans like to bet on their team to do well. Because off all this action on the overs, Vegas moves the lines to attract the betting on the other side.
Not only are the over/unders inflated on the aggregate, they are also somewhat normalized. During the 2009 season there were 5 teams that had less than 70 wins, Vegas predicts that no team this year will have below 70 wins. There have been at least 4 teams that go below 70 wins each of the last 5 years. If I could make a prop bet that at least three teams will have less than 70 wins, I would take it.
Here is a chart that compares this years predictions vs. last years results:
For comparison, I took the variance in number of wins between 2010 and 2009. Vegas predictions have a variance of 46.56 while the actual variance last year was 126.40.I believe most of those 11 phantom wins that Vegas is predicting will affect teams in the bottom half of the league. Fans being hopelessly optimistic will always believe (and bet) that their teams will do better than expected. For football I actually compared the teams to their schedule and used Vegas's own odds to predict how well they would do against other teams. Since I don't have time to compare a 2430 game MLB season, I think I'll just bet the under on each of the bottom 7 teams. I'll throw a little more money on the ones at the very bottom.
Even though I don't know much about baseball I can still confidently predict the results of teams that I cannot name a player on the roster. 6 months from now I'll see how good my predictions were.
Bets:
Pittsburgh Pirates - under 70
Son Diego Padres - under 71
Toronto Blue Jays - under 71
Washington Nationals- under 71
Kansas City Royals - under 71.5
Baltimore Orioles - under 74
Houston Astros - under 74.5
Thursday, March 18, 2010
November 22, 2005
It was a Tuesday. I'll never forget that. Freshmen year Tuesday nights weren't typically ones that produced blogable content. Mostly because I didn't have a blog back then. But this Tuesday was the last day of class before Thanksgiving. I still had a paper and a take home chemistry quiz due the next day but that was on the back of my mind as the noise from the garbage truck woke me up at 7:30 AM. What was on my mind was the Math 115 mid-term that I had that evening. Despite taking the class in high school as an AP I still felt woefully unprepared. I guess that's the way I felt before every exam , but after three months at college I didn't realize it yet. Being a very common Freshmen course it seemed like everyone in in my hall had the exam that night.
It was the type of exam that people didn't talk about on the way home. No one had finished the test early, and we all scrambled to get answers down at the end. As we walked back to the dorms in groups or threes and fours no one wanted to hear about problems that they were unsure of. As exams ended and a mass of freshmen began returning to their 10x11 cells, the only topic of conversation that floated through the Diag was about how blind-asshole drunk everyone was planning to get that night.
In the dorms I always snuck in 30-packs of cheap beer in an athletic bag. But since I had planned on having a few people over to celebrate the Thanksgiving break I went classy and sprung for longnecks.
A perfectly stocked dorm room mini-fridge
It was the type of exam that people didn't talk about on the way home. No one had finished the test early, and we all scrambled to get answers down at the end. As we walked back to the dorms in groups or threes and fours no one wanted to hear about problems that they were unsure of. As exams ended and a mass of freshmen began returning to their 10x11 cells, the only topic of conversation that floated through the Diag was about how blind-asshole drunk everyone was planning to get that night.
In the dorms I always snuck in 30-packs of cheap beer in an athletic bag. But since I had planned on having a few people over to celebrate the Thanksgiving break I went classy and sprung for longnecks.
A perfectly stocked dorm room mini-fridgeA couple of friends came over and we had about 8 people kicking back in the dorm room. With the lofts 8 people was about the maximum that could fit comfortably. When we got creative we could fit 20 people into a 110 Sq. Ft. dorm room party. Eventually we decided to play one of our favorite tailgate drinking games: Thunderstruck. For those unfamiliar it's basically a game where you stand in a circle with AC/DC's Thunderstruck on and one person drinks until they say the word "thunderstruck" and then the person to the left drinks until the next "thunderstruck". So beer gets chugged for the duration of the song. I have a picture of it, but this is after 2 people dropped out because they couldn't handle it, and Mark ran for the bathroom because he got caught with both solos.
Now that we were good and drunk, word got around that some of our upperclassmen friends were having a Thanksgiving shindig. We decided to brave the cold to go down to the party on the other side of campus. I remember feeling slightly out of place, and quite under dressed. But those qualms were quickly forgotten about when a super-senior named Elliott handed me a bottle of everclear and told me to chase with mashed potatoes. From there it was darkness.
I awoke the next morning in a dorm room that wasn't my own. The bed was around 9 feet off the ground. I had no idea how I got up there in my condition, but I knew I needed to get down. I felt like I hadn't had a drink of water in days. I climbed down and staggered down the hall sporting just a pair of boxers. I burst into the nearest bathroom which was ladies only, and proceeded to puke in the sink in front of several girls. Not to mind that it was 10 AM on a Wednesday, I looked around at all the girls staring at me and simply said "This isn't where I parked my car" and walked out. I soon came to realize that I was without my room key which explained why I awoke in a foreign bedroom. I could have asked my RA to let me in, but alas he would have opened the door to this scene:
So I spent the next day in a sort of hungover walk-of-shame. Finishing my paper, closing out a memo with my engineering 100 team, turning in a chem quiz and packing up to go home. I've read that college freshmen know if they are going to make it by Thanksgiving, and then fake it until Christmas before they drop out. By Thanksgiving Freshmen year, I knew it could make it, and by Christmas I knew I never wanted to go home.
Now that we were good and drunk, word got around that some of our upperclassmen friends were having a Thanksgiving shindig. We decided to brave the cold to go down to the party on the other side of campus. I remember feeling slightly out of place, and quite under dressed. But those qualms were quickly forgotten about when a super-senior named Elliott handed me a bottle of everclear and told me to chase with mashed potatoes. From there it was darkness.I awoke the next morning in a dorm room that wasn't my own. The bed was around 9 feet off the ground. I had no idea how I got up there in my condition, but I knew I needed to get down. I felt like I hadn't had a drink of water in days. I climbed down and staggered down the hall sporting just a pair of boxers. I burst into the nearest bathroom which was ladies only, and proceeded to puke in the sink in front of several girls. Not to mind that it was 10 AM on a Wednesday, I looked around at all the girls staring at me and simply said "This isn't where I parked my car" and walked out. I soon came to realize that I was without my room key which explained why I awoke in a foreign bedroom. I could have asked my RA to let me in, but alas he would have opened the door to this scene:
So I spent the next day in a sort of hungover walk-of-shame. Finishing my paper, closing out a memo with my engineering 100 team, turning in a chem quiz and packing up to go home. I've read that college freshmen know if they are going to make it by Thanksgiving, and then fake it until Christmas before they drop out. By Thanksgiving Freshmen year, I knew it could make it, and by Christmas I knew I never wanted to go home.
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