The Top 5 Pranks I Never Pulled off at Michigan

While I wasn't making art in Microsoft Paint, I spent most of the last 4 years coming up with master pranks to pull on the University. I have long forgotten many of them, but there are a few that I should still pull off in my last 6 weeks of college. Here are the top 5.

5.The Horrendous Video Homepage

Plot: Many of the classrooms have a built in computer system that can be operated by anyone without login. The prank involves changing the set homepage to one of the most disgusting shock videos on the interwebs. When one of the professors attempts to access the internet during class everyone vomits on the person in front of them.

Havoc Level: Pretty high for whomever was teaching the class, and all of their students.

Worst Case Consequences if Caught: Infraction of some computer code. Probably a harsh reprimand and written apology. Possible expulsion.


4. Men's Final Four Banner Theft


Plot: Simply put I always wanted to steal the 1992 and 1993 Michigan Men's final four banners that were taken down from Crisler. Maybe this isn't very much of a prank as it is downright theft.

Havoc Level: Low to medium. People would want to know where they are, but would anyone really notice they were missing from the basement of the Bently Historical Library.

Worst Case Consequences if Caught: Charges of B+E along with theft of University Property. Probably not expelled.

3. Michigan Sign Graffiti

Plot: Ever since freshmen year Paul and I were planning on doing a little mock up to the current sign for the "Harry Vaughn School of Public Health". Our plan was to change it to the "Harry Wang School of Pubic Health". It is actually pretty easy and only would take a few changes to the current sign. This one was probably the most feasible.

Havoc Level: Minimal. I really doubt the campus would be up in arms about the hilarious name change.

Worst Case Consequences if Caught: Destruction of University Property. Possible graffiti tickets.

2. Bus System Disruption

Plot: Each bus has a microchip that control the start up processes for the bus. If this microchip were to be removed it would yield the buses totally unusable. Sneaking in to the bus depot late at night and stealing all of these chips would be a very good prank.

Havoc Level: Huge. This would prevent most engineers from getting to north campus, the residents of North Campus wouldn't be able to get to central and would leave a lot of people stranded at bus stops waiting a long time for buses that aren't coming. This would also affect the hospital staff who park in off campus lots. The entire university could come to a screeching halt.

Worst Case Consequences if Caught: Expulsion, as well as multiple counts of destruction of property, Theft and B+E. This would be a very bad prank to pull.

1. Lecture Hall RickRoll

Plot: There are a few lecture halls that inexplicably have a telephone in the front of them. This prank would involve getting into the projection room of a lecture hall and then calling that phone. When the professor answers, you would ask him if is a "stranger to love" and if he knows the rules, cause so do I. Then fade in with a RickRoll on the lecture halls main speakers. Then proceed to put the music video on the screen.

Havoc Level: I imagine most of the class would get the joke and enjoy a unique RickRoll.

Worst Case Consequences if Caught: Infraction of some computer code. Probably a harsh reprimand.

Finally

Today at work my phone started to buzz. I contained an event: "Xanadu DVD Re-Release!" I don't remember entering an event in my phone about it, but would anyone else know my secret love of Xanadu, the story of a Greek muse, Clio, who descends from Mt. Olympus to Venice Beach, California in 1980 on a quest to inspire a struggling artist, Sonny, to achieve the greatest creation of his life - a roller disco. But, when Clio, disguised as an Australian roller girl named Kira, falls into forbidden love with the mortal Sonny, her jealous sisters take advantage of the situation, and Clio risks eternal banishment to the underworld.

Also who else would know that the DVD would be re-released on DVD June 24, 2008. And that the "Magical Music Edition" will feature a "Going Back to Xanadu" featurette and the film's theatrical trailer. But what I really want is the bonus music CD with the complete soundtrack that will also be included.

Well, I know what I'm doing this weekend. Thank you Olivia Newton-John, thank you.

Brian Plays an April Fools Joke

If you are easily grossed out, then don't read this. If you hold me in any sort of esteem, then don't read this. If you are a future employer, then don't read this. If you are a future employer and do read this, pray that you never have to fire me.

I decided to play an April Fools joke on my roommate Brett. Brett is an easygoing guy, short, brown eyes, a face for radio and a body only a cheap hooker could love. This description of Brett really has no importance in the story.

The idea was that I would buy a box of chocolates and tape a note on it from the girl he hooked up with over the weekend. He would open the note and be freaked out that she left candies outside of his door. Not so great huh? So here's the twist, instead of just chocolates inside of the box, I took out the candies, and took giant dump in the box. I spent the weekend in Battle Creek and hadn't shat since last Thursday. I saved up a big log, and I'll be damned if it didn't look like one big long tootsie roll. Then I went on the internet, and found the perfect note to attach. Here I'll show you.



Unfortunately I wasn't able see his reaction. But when I woke up this morning there was the box of chocolates outside my door with my own festering feces in it and a text message that read "You sicken me. Yet your dedication is admirable." So what did I do? Put the lid back on, attached a note that says "Up For Grabs" and put it on the kitchen counter downstairs.