Brian writes a letter

I knew this girl who was going away to camp all summer. She wouldn't have telephone or internet so she made me promise to write her. So I came through and wrote her a letter. But not just any letter. I wrote her a love letter. But not just any love letter. I wrote her a Civil War era love letter. I even had Peter write it out in cursive. Here it is in all of its hilarious glory.

It's best when read in the voice of a Civil War movie narrator.

My dearest Kelly,

Pardon the affectionate familiarity but you know its all in joyous fun. Your charming little epistle has just reached me, and I do myself the honor to answer it immediately, thus complying with your request to write soon. I do believe I am indebted to you by way of letter, and for your kindness to me I will write you a few lines.

I have written a good many letters to other girls. Letters of friendship, but those I write to you. I want you to receive them for more than mere friendship. For let me say that your memory is ever dear to me and if we never again meet on Earth I shall ever cherish the fond remembrance of thee, and think of the pleasant hours passed in your society, but let me indulge the hope that we may again meet ere long.

I fondly recall our initial courtship, the gentle breeze in the fairest of Ann Arbor's midsummer and the plesent imbibing of Frederick Miller's High Life. Whilst our time together barely grazed a fortnight, nary a single eve passes without my cogitation meandering back to those most wonderful of times. I dont know how much pleasure it affords you to go over these days of the past, but to me they will ever be remembered as days of felicity. And how happy the thought that days increase the affection & esteem we have for each other to love & be loved.

Yours endearingly,

Brian Russell