Brian Slams Poetry

This morning I was on the bus to North Campus for a class I didn't realize was optional, when I saw an advertisement for a Poetry Slam in the Union that was taking place tonight. Something about the words Poetry Slam just make me laugh. I had to go.

I floated the idea to my roommates over a CIAYCELB (Cottage Inn All You Can Eat Lunch Buffet). They sounded intrigued. The plan was to slam some beers, slam some poetry, and then come home and slam some poetry girls. When I got home at 5 they had already started part one. They were three hours into part 1, and it was 4 hours before the slam. I went to my room to write my words. Writing poetry is hard, especially when words only seem to rhyme with dirty words.

When we got there we were surprised by a $3 cover charge. I actually paid for my roommates to watch me slam. We were there about a half hour early. My roommate Brick was ridiculously intoxicated. People were pointing at him, most likely because he kept pulling a flask out of his pajama pants and doing straight pulls. With the impending doom of him getting kicked out of a poetry slam we sent him home.

Finally my time came. People would hear my song. I got on stage and just let the flow take me over. But I didn't have my poem memorized and I stuttered a lot. But this is what came out.

A Farewell Tour? Hardly

You're just back for a short time
for how long you won't say
Just a ploy to get my dollar
Trick me into falling for you again
I spent so long loving you
But you just left a hickory taste in my mouth

You've done this before
You've toyed with me
You've led me on
I don't care that you said you were a limited time offer
What you did left me hungry
And that hurt the most

I've waited for your smell
I've longed for you taste
Your soft outsides and meaty insides
This time I won't lose you
I'll make the most of our time together
You will always have a place in my stomach

The third and final McRib farewell tour.

I was supposed to say "Respect" and walk off stage, but I was as little to nervous. I don't think anyone quite got how my love of the McRib was like that of a returning ex-girlfriend, most thought it was about rape or something. Needless to say there was no slamming of poetry girls. Whatever, now I've slammed poetry and you can never take that away from me.