Some thoughts

Still on the subjects of office poops, I would recommend reading this post on some dude's blog. Also printed without permission is a great example of the support of the office poop that has been flooding in. I will post for sheer hilarity factor.

I routinely take 2-3 dumps a day totaling around 30 minutes. We only have one toilet (guys/girls separate) which is shared between our office and two other companies in the building, so around 20 guys. Having one toilet is a blessing and a curse...a double-edged sword if you will. On one hand, you get the freedom of being as loud as you want. Grunting, laughing, cheering, etc. is completely okay because there is no one in the stall next to you to judge. However, on the other hand, timing and responsibility is an issue. Not only is your dump delayed if someone is already in there, but you are subject to the ramifications of your shit. For example, if you clog the toilet, only the person who last used the toilet can be blamed. Or if there is a huge skid mark or rancid smell, again, you are to blame and everyone knows it. To each his own I guess.

Tomorrow I am flying to Atlanta and then going to the Outer Banks of North Carolina for a week. Expect limited blogging, unless the epic happens.

Anyhow,

Everyday I ride the El to work. In the morning it is fine because I do the crossword which keeps me busy. Side note: Chicago Tribune xword is teh sux0r, LA Times is ze uber 1337. But on the way home I have nothing to do, so I have developed a habit that I preform every day. When I get on the train I immediately rank every female on the train. Then I look at the hot ones through the glare in the windows. I am pretty sure everyone does this. I know this because I have made eye contact with people looking at me through the glare in the windows.

Eye contact is one thing that I don't really understand how it works. How do humans know that someone is looking directly into their eyes and not gazing past them? Everyone knows when someone is looking at them. It is the same question I have about how gravity works. How does one body know another body is in it's presence, and how does gravity exert force on another object? Maybe those aren't really that similar but it bothers me that I don't understand how either fundamentally works.

The problem is that making eye contact always makes things awkward. That was one of the motivations for buying sunglasses, so I can scope out smokin' hotties without them knowing. But sometimes people still can make eye contact with me through my sunglasses. Just today I was across standing across from a girl that was ranked number 2 on the entire train. We instantly made eye contact and then for the entire train ride it was weird. We were only 3 feet from each other and we were both actively not looking at each other, which is always obvious no matter how hard you try to act natural. Then that coy game starts with each one glancing to see if the other is looking at them, but all that does is alert the other that you were glancing at them. It's all terribly pithy.

So then I have to come up with something to occupy my mind so I don't look at her. I asked myself a hypothetical. Today it was, would you rather start a Rush cover band or a Air Supply cover band. But the catch was that if you started a Rush cover band you couldn't play Tom Sawyer, and if you started the Air Supply cover band you couldn't play All Out Of Love. I successfully argued against myself that while Canadian, Rush had a string of hits that would provide better material over the long run that Air Supply even given the fact that you would rarely get laid in a Rush cover band. (My hypothetical cover bands are all about the music, not about the chicks.)

I know, I probably should have just started talking to her. But after not talking to her after we first made eye contact, there would be no way I could have started a conversation after that. Plus I don't like making dumb small talk, epically when everyone else on the train is able to hear my lame pick up game. Maybe I could have told her that she was the second hottest girl on the train. Of course that would have been hard because we both had headphones on.