This is after he fell backwards off of a porch onto a flower planter.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Perfect Day in the Life
This morning I woke up with a loaded Airsoft pistol in my hand. I guess last night I got scared that a hobo was going to break into my room. That the kind of not-sober that I was last night. I had gotten off work at 6 and went straight to B-Dubs. It was LTC Hiltons retirement and he had dropped $2000 on a bar tab. I did my best to drink my share of 2000 dollars worth of liquor but I had to go to a party with a few of my friends and one of their dads. I must say bringing a dad to a party is awesome. Multiple games of flip cup later I retired to my room only to wake up at 10:30 to a beautiful day.
I spent the first few hours of the day reading blogs and eating my Cocoa Pebbles on the porch. I read a bit and then went to Quickie Burger for some American eats. We had decided to go to the Tigers game and we left around noon. On the way I bought a fifth of Burnetts. We got to the D and bought tickets from a dude who sold us $180 worth of tickets for $100 bucks. It was a great game, and I sat next to 2 girls who I think were in ninth grade. After each home run I would high five them and tell them they were supposed to be in English class. After the win we left the D, and drove back to Ann Arbor only to hang out on the porch all afternoon. I had finished my own personal fifth by sundown and had switched over to beer.
I must comment that I was really proud about my personal fifth accomplishment. Even though it took 8 hours of drinking to do it, I feel it was a college achievement. I'm not really a liquor drinker, but you can't fill a flask with beer, so today it was all vodka. The fifth before sundown really made me realize how far I have come along in the past 4 years. Back when I was a senior in high school, I didn't drink a lot and a fifth could last a couple of us all night. Even freshmen year I would pregame with a few shots but it would take a few weeks to finish an entire fifth. I guess I have finally reached the big leagues.
Tonight I watched the Red Wings win, and then went over to my high school friend, Neela's apartment. We drank for a bit, and then went to a party on Sybil. Although I didn't know anyone there at first I saw some of my friends and I really came to the conclusion that I am the most myself at a party when I am in the line for the bathroom. It is my one chance to be myself usually with with mostly dudes. There is no pressure in the line to pee. Unless you really have to go, of course. I talked to a some girls and eventually the cops came to "break up the party". I wanted to try out my new found 21 freedom so I went over to them with my beer in hand. They were actually pretty cool and said that they only came because they had gotten several complaints and the first few they had ignored. So I walked Neela back home and then went to my porch to enjoy one last beer to put the night in perspective. I had been thinking about this blog post for almost all of today, and I was sitting on my porch convincing myself that not bringing home a girl was the best way to end the perfect day. I then saw a girl walking down state street with a guy while on the phone with her obvious boyfriend.
"Hey are you leading this guy on while your talking to your BF" I said
"No he knows I have a boyfriend"she said
"Thats fucked up, don't be a home wreaker" I said to the dude
At that point she looked at me and said,
"I know you, your name is Brian, your an Asshole!"
"How the hell do you know who I am, and why am I an asshole?"
My roommate Al then ran across the street and yelled "Is he an asshole because he gave you crabs?"
We both got a laugh out of that because I most definitely did not give her crabs, but she was very offended. We then went to 607 E. Hoover (The Animal Planet) to a lame party and the went back to box for a little olde time reunion with some of the old tymer Box guys. 2 hours and 1 dance party later I am my computer writing about a day that could have not been any better had it been planned. Although it would have been nice to bring home a girl.
I spent the first few hours of the day reading blogs and eating my Cocoa Pebbles on the porch. I read a bit and then went to Quickie Burger for some American eats. We had decided to go to the Tigers game and we left around noon. On the way I bought a fifth of Burnetts. We got to the D and bought tickets from a dude who sold us $180 worth of tickets for $100 bucks. It was a great game, and I sat next to 2 girls who I think were in ninth grade. After each home run I would high five them and tell them they were supposed to be in English class. After the win we left the D, and drove back to Ann Arbor only to hang out on the porch all afternoon. I had finished my own personal fifth by sundown and had switched over to beer.
I must comment that I was really proud about my personal fifth accomplishment. Even though it took 8 hours of drinking to do it, I feel it was a college achievement. I'm not really a liquor drinker, but you can't fill a flask with beer, so today it was all vodka. The fifth before sundown really made me realize how far I have come along in the past 4 years. Back when I was a senior in high school, I didn't drink a lot and a fifth could last a couple of us all night. Even freshmen year I would pregame with a few shots but it would take a few weeks to finish an entire fifth. I guess I have finally reached the big leagues.
Tonight I watched the Red Wings win, and then went over to my high school friend, Neela's apartment. We drank for a bit, and then went to a party on Sybil. Although I didn't know anyone there at first I saw some of my friends and I really came to the conclusion that I am the most myself at a party when I am in the line for the bathroom. It is my one chance to be myself usually with with mostly dudes. There is no pressure in the line to pee. Unless you really have to go, of course. I talked to a some girls and eventually the cops came to "break up the party". I wanted to try out my new found 21 freedom so I went over to them with my beer in hand. They were actually pretty cool and said that they only came because they had gotten several complaints and the first few they had ignored. So I walked Neela back home and then went to my porch to enjoy one last beer to put the night in perspective. I had been thinking about this blog post for almost all of today, and I was sitting on my porch convincing myself that not bringing home a girl was the best way to end the perfect day. I then saw a girl walking down state street with a guy while on the phone with her obvious boyfriend.
"Hey are you leading this guy on while your talking to your BF" I said
"No he knows I have a boyfriend"she said
"Thats fucked up, don't be a home wreaker" I said to the dude
At that point she looked at me and said,
"I know you, your name is Brian, your an Asshole!"
"How the hell do you know who I am, and why am I an asshole?"
My roommate Al then ran across the street and yelled "Is he an asshole because he gave you crabs?"
We both got a laugh out of that because I most definitely did not give her crabs, but she was very offended. We then went to 607 E. Hoover (The Animal Planet) to a lame party and the went back to box for a little olde time reunion with some of the old tymer Box guys. 2 hours and 1 dance party later I am my computer writing about a day that could have not been any better had it been planned. Although it would have been nice to bring home a girl.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Workplay was a complete failure.
Workplay was the contest to design something for North Campus to foster community amongst North Campus-ers. I mentioned it in this post. One of the goals was to make North Campus a place that people would want to spend time on even when they weren't in class or studying, like on the weekends. I didn't submit an entry like I planned, but now wished I had. Forget the $10,000, I just wanted to make North Campus a better place. Unfortunately, I lacked the team members and artistic/graphic design skills to make a proposal.
All of the designs were complete gimmicks. Most of them were for building things like an Arch, or LED screen in the ground. Others were for student lounges, and hang out areas. These all would be cool things to have on North Campus, but they wouldn't bring people to North Campus. It was like, I felt that the Wave Field could have been one of the submissions. Yeah, its cool, but its not going to bring together North Campus.
"Hey, this weekend we should hang out at the Recess Room on North."
"Great idea, then we can go see the Arch"
"Sweet"
People aren't going to go to North Campus to check out a glorified bus stop. (An actual proposal).
The winners were two designs, both by faculty that were alright but still missed the point. One was for renewable energy shit. It had a few wind turbines that will look more ridiculous than that column in front of the art building. They wanted to put LED's in the brush around North Campus and do some other stuff that didn't really matter. The only part of their design that had any merit, was an amphitheater. This was in a few other designs as well, and was the only part of their design that I liked. I feel that an amphitheater could actually bring people to north campus, and their often is live music on North, during SpringFest and at other times. In my opinion though, it was one of the uglier amphitheaters that was submitted. The other winner was a design for a interactive like playground thing. It had a reflecting pool that could become a skate rink in the winter and a bunch of shit on it. I guess each year people are supposed to redesign and add to the amount of shit on it. I think it also runs on wind power. While it will be a cool thing for North Campus, again, will people go up there on the weekends to use it? I doubt it.
So after bashing all these designs I bet your wondering what my idea was for the NC. If there is one thing I have learned at Michigan it is that college kids go absolute apeshit for frisbee. I think it would be really cool if Michigan put in a 9 hole frisbee golf course on the land between Pierpont and the music school. I can guarantee you that kids would come to NC to throw disc. I know kids that drive to Canton to play, they would surely endure a few minute bus ride to play. Also, it would finally be something for kids living in Bursley and Baits to do. There is more then enough room for a course just west of Bonisteel near the entrance to NC. It would also be very inexpensive to install, and free to students. The University has tennis courts, swimming pools, ice rinks and a golf course, why not a frisbee golf course. It would also fulfill the requirement that designs go towards involving the tree-like feel of NC. Even though I didn't submit it as a formal proposal I still think that it would be something that would only make the University, and North Campus a better place.
All of the designs were complete gimmicks. Most of them were for building things like an Arch, or LED screen in the ground. Others were for student lounges, and hang out areas. These all would be cool things to have on North Campus, but they wouldn't bring people to North Campus. It was like, I felt that the Wave Field could have been one of the submissions. Yeah, its cool, but its not going to bring together North Campus.
"Hey, this weekend we should hang out at the Recess Room on North."
"Great idea, then we can go see the Arch"
"Sweet"
People aren't going to go to North Campus to check out a glorified bus stop. (An actual proposal).
The winners were two designs, both by faculty that were alright but still missed the point. One was for renewable energy shit. It had a few wind turbines that will look more ridiculous than that column in front of the art building. They wanted to put LED's in the brush around North Campus and do some other stuff that didn't really matter. The only part of their design that had any merit, was an amphitheater. This was in a few other designs as well, and was the only part of their design that I liked. I feel that an amphitheater could actually bring people to north campus, and their often is live music on North, during SpringFest and at other times. In my opinion though, it was one of the uglier amphitheaters that was submitted. The other winner was a design for a interactive like playground thing. It had a reflecting pool that could become a skate rink in the winter and a bunch of shit on it. I guess each year people are supposed to redesign and add to the amount of shit on it. I think it also runs on wind power. While it will be a cool thing for North Campus, again, will people go up there on the weekends to use it? I doubt it.
So after bashing all these designs I bet your wondering what my idea was for the NC. If there is one thing I have learned at Michigan it is that college kids go absolute apeshit for frisbee. I think it would be really cool if Michigan put in a 9 hole frisbee golf course on the land between Pierpont and the music school. I can guarantee you that kids would come to NC to throw disc. I know kids that drive to Canton to play, they would surely endure a few minute bus ride to play. Also, it would finally be something for kids living in Bursley and Baits to do. There is more then enough room for a course just west of Bonisteel near the entrance to NC. It would also be very inexpensive to install, and free to students. The University has tennis courts, swimming pools, ice rinks and a golf course, why not a frisbee golf course. It would also fulfill the requirement that designs go towards involving the tree-like feel of NC. Even though I didn't submit it as a formal proposal I still think that it would be something that would only make the University, and North Campus a better place.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
School's Out
In elementary school the most exciting day of school was the last day. I remember in 5th grade, on the very last day of my elementary school career we all walked outside Eastover Elementary School for the very last time and got on the bus. That bus ride was the most exciting ride of the year. The moment you step off that bus you were officially out of school for the summer. By that point it was the middle of June and summer couldn't start any sooner. It always seemed like a fitting way to end a school year. In junior high, it was the last walk home from East Hills Middle School. In high school it was always the last ride home. In college though there really isn't that defining trip back home to signify the end of the school year.
That's why every year, after my last final I walk home from North Campus. The tradition first started after my Engineering 101 final exam freshmen year. We walked back through the Arb smoking cigars and drinking 40's of malt liquor.
I remember that exam ended at 10am and after playing The Price Is Right drinking game I was very drunk by the time we went down to lunch. I tried to order 10,000 chicken fa-jitas. I then proceeded to somehow spill ranch dressing all over the outside of the sneeze guard. It's memories like those that start traditions.
This year, my last final is on central which would make the walk a lot less significant, so when I finished my take home final on North Campus I decided that I could make the walk the day before the final in my pass/fail class. It was a great day, and as I walked down Fuller I decided to turn down Cedar Bend and walk up the trail that leads from the dead end at the end of the street. I walked around the Huron River and back to Fuller. It's a really great hiking trail, I wished I hadn't worn flip flops. It was an awesome way to get home, and it puts perspective on the past year. I really feel that I balanced my Chi. I guess I only get to walk home from North Campus one more time.
That's why every year, after my last final I walk home from North Campus. The tradition first started after my Engineering 101 final exam freshmen year. We walked back through the Arb smoking cigars and drinking 40's of malt liquor.
I remember that exam ended at 10am and after playing The Price Is Right drinking game I was very drunk by the time we went down to lunch. I tried to order 10,000 chicken fa-jitas. I then proceeded to somehow spill ranch dressing all over the outside of the sneeze guard. It's memories like those that start traditions.
This year, my last final is on central which would make the walk a lot less significant, so when I finished my take home final on North Campus I decided that I could make the walk the day before the final in my pass/fail class. It was a great day, and as I walked down Fuller I decided to turn down Cedar Bend and walk up the trail that leads from the dead end at the end of the street. I walked around the Huron River and back to Fuller. It's a really great hiking trail, I wished I hadn't worn flip flops. It was an awesome way to get home, and it puts perspective on the past year. I really feel that I balanced my Chi. I guess I only get to walk home from North Campus one more time.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Picture Blog?
Added new stadium picture from this morning. It's really big.
The steel work from the stadium construction project. It is hard to see, but the scale is large. Bleachers now extend to the distance that they do in the end zones, and the steel structure of the luxury boxes extend above the height of the scoreboard. It looks very intense.
My favorite place to pee at U of M. I'll buy a beer for anyone who can name the location of these three magnificent full urinals. (Note one flush fits all)
One reason not to leave unattended hot coals on your porch. Your house could catch on fire. I guess a hookah ignited a couch which spread to the house. This house is about 6 houses down from where I used to live. I hope this doesn't cause the city of Ann Arbor to change their porch furniture policy. Couches don't cause house fires, unless you still believe in spontaneous combustion. Things that are on fire cause fires. Duh.
The steel work from the stadium construction project. It is hard to see, but the scale is large. Bleachers now extend to the distance that they do in the end zones, and the steel structure of the luxury boxes extend above the height of the scoreboard. It looks very intense.
My favorite place to pee at U of M. I'll buy a beer for anyone who can name the location of these three magnificent full urinals. (Note one flush fits all)
One reason not to leave unattended hot coals on your porch. Your house could catch on fire. I guess a hookah ignited a couch which spread to the house. This house is about 6 houses down from where I used to live. I hope this doesn't cause the city of Ann Arbor to change their porch furniture policy. Couches don't cause house fires, unless you still believe in spontaneous combustion. Things that are on fire cause fires. Duh.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Taco Bell on Campus!
Holy Shit. My source inside University Unions just confirmed that future dining options at the University is to include a Taco Bell in the League. For years students have complained about the lack of Taco Bell on campus. It even hurt our college rankings. Having a Taco Bell in the league will change campus forever. Talk about a recruiting tool. Hopefully it will be open late night. I pray it's not anything like Wendy's, whose hours are literally 10am-2pm during the summer.
According to a long time university bus driver, there was a Taco bell on campus at one point. I think it was by Rick's. It was removed either because health violations, or because fast food was eliminated from the South U downtown district. In the past there have been MSA candidates who have run on the bring Taco Bell to Campus platform. They were elected and failed to come through. Most recently in 2003 when UMEC almost voted to place a Taco Bell in Pierpont Commons.
If you don't believe me, remember that I did break the Quiznos in Pierpont Story.
Also, Panda Express is replacing Villa Pizza in the Union. There is also talk of Dominoes replacing Magic Wok, but nothing is confirmed.
According to a long time university bus driver, there was a Taco bell on campus at one point. I think it was by Rick's. It was removed either because health violations, or because fast food was eliminated from the South U downtown district. In the past there have been MSA candidates who have run on the bring Taco Bell to Campus platform. They were elected and failed to come through. Most recently in 2003 when UMEC almost voted to place a Taco Bell in Pierpont Commons.
If you don't believe me, remember that I did break the Quiznos in Pierpont Story.
Also, Panda Express is replacing Villa Pizza in the Union. There is also talk of Dominoes replacing Magic Wok, but nothing is confirmed.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Brian Loses IIE Elections in a Landslide
I went to the IIE meeting tonight for the free pizza. It was election night and I decided that after 7 semesters at Michigan it was time to get involved. I ran for the treasurer position against one other kid. I gave my speech about how I wanted to show future employers that I was involved with activities, and told them I knew how to use excel. I knew most of the people there and I thought I had it locked up. While we were waiting out in the hall my esteemed opponent even told me that "I don't really know any of those kids too well." You could understand that I was a little shocked when I found out that I had lost. The one kid who had promised to vote for me described it as "Not even close". Still, free pizza!
I even knew both the kids counting votes, and still lost. BTW, Brian can you comment the official tally?
I even knew both the kids counting votes, and still lost. BTW, Brian can you comment the official tally?
Monday, April 7, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Brian Breaks Into Song
I am taking a philosophy class pass/fail. I never do the readings and rarely go to class, when I do attend I spend most of my time on the crossword puzzle. I have only spoken three times. Once to attack Singers argument for total utilitarianism and once to tell my GSI that I wasn't going to take time out of my life to make up a class because his union decided that they wanted more money.
Today was the third time. We were discussing whether God exists and whether he is benevolent and if so, why does evil happen. I started thinking about the song "Up There" from South Park Bigger Longer Uncut with Satan. I started chuckling and my GSI asked me what was so funny. I responded "What is evil anyways? Is there reason to the rhyme? Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes." It started with me speaking and then picked up until by the end I was fully in song. I held the last note of sometimes for several seconds. Everyone was looking at me, I was cracking up, the GSI didn't really know what to do. I don't think anyone got the joke and the GSI goes "Good, so that relates to the first point that it is necessary to have evil in order to have good."
Here is the youtube with Portuguese subtitles:
Today was the third time. We were discussing whether God exists and whether he is benevolent and if so, why does evil happen. I started thinking about the song "Up There" from South Park Bigger Longer Uncut with Satan. I started chuckling and my GSI asked me what was so funny. I responded "What is evil anyways? Is there reason to the rhyme? Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes." It started with me speaking and then picked up until by the end I was fully in song. I held the last note of sometimes for several seconds. Everyone was looking at me, I was cracking up, the GSI didn't really know what to do. I don't think anyone got the joke and the GSI goes "Good, so that relates to the first point that it is necessary to have evil in order to have good."
Here is the youtube with Portuguese subtitles:
Brian Gets a Wiff of his own Medicine
I got punk'd. Today I got a package that I was expecting from Woot.com. I opened it and all that was inside was a turd. AHHH! I was confused because the package was sealed with the Woot Logo. I turned the box over and realized whoever had done this had unsealed the back, shat, resealed it and then put it outside of our door.
So the poop war of '08 begins.
So the poop war of '08 begins.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Brian Plays an April Fools Joke
If you are easily grossed out, then don't read this. If you hold me in any sort of esteem, then don't read this. If you are a future employer, then don't read this. If you are a future employer and do read this, pray that you never have to fire me.
I decided to play an April Fools joke on my roommate Brett. Brett is an easygoing guy, short, brown eyes, a face for radio and a body only a cheap hooker could love. This description of Brett really has no importance in the story.
The idea was that I would buy a box of chocolates and tape a note on it from the girl he hooked up with over the weekend. He would open the note and be freaked out that she left candies outside of his door. Not so great huh? So here's the twist, instead of just chocolates inside of the box, I took out the candies, and took giant dump in the box. I spent the weekend in Battle Creek and hadn't shat since last Thursday. I saved up a big log, and I'll be damned if it didn't look like one big long tootsie roll. Then I went on the internet, and found the perfect note to attach. Here I'll show you.
Unfortunately I wasn't able see his reaction. But when I woke up this morning there was the box of chocolates outside my door with my own festering feces in it and a text message that read "You sicken me. Yet your dedication is admirable." So what did I do? Put the lid back on, attached a note that says "Up For Grabs" and put it on the kitchen counter downstairs.
I decided to play an April Fools joke on my roommate Brett. Brett is an easygoing guy, short, brown eyes, a face for radio and a body only a cheap hooker could love. This description of Brett really has no importance in the story.
The idea was that I would buy a box of chocolates and tape a note on it from the girl he hooked up with over the weekend. He would open the note and be freaked out that she left candies outside of his door. Not so great huh? So here's the twist, instead of just chocolates inside of the box, I took out the candies, and took giant dump in the box. I spent the weekend in Battle Creek and hadn't shat since last Thursday. I saved up a big log, and I'll be damned if it didn't look like one big long tootsie roll. Then I went on the internet, and found the perfect note to attach. Here I'll show you.
Unfortunately I wasn't able see his reaction. But when I woke up this morning there was the box of chocolates outside my door with my own festering feces in it and a text message that read "You sicken me. Yet your dedication is admirable." So what did I do? Put the lid back on, attached a note that says "Up For Grabs" and put it on the kitchen counter downstairs.
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