The Worst Christmas Gift Ever

This Christmas I got mono. It really sucks. I don't mind not having any energy, I would probably sit around all day anyways. It sucks that I always have a fever. The worst part is that my lymph nodes and tonsils are really swollen and it causes excruciating amounts of pain every time I swallow.

Since I can't really sleep I just watch tv all day. Here was today's line up (in order).
American Pie : Band Camp on TNT
Beverly Hills Ninja also on TNT
3 Sportcenters an ESPN
2 It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia's on DVD
1 Made on MTV
2 Dead like Me episodes from Netflicks
Liberty Bowl on ESPNHD
Forrest Gump on A&E
Alamo Bowl on ASPNHD
Goodfellas on A&E

The Greatest Christmas Gift

This year I got a gift that that is greater than I could ever imagine. The gift was Infantry.
Between 1999 and 2002 this computer game was my life. It was a MMOTPS (Massive Multiplayer Online Third Person Shooter) It pitted 2 armies against each other with the objective to capture all of the flags for victory. You could travel on foot or in tanks and APC's (Armored Personnel Carriers). Also, there were different classes, Marine, Medic, Sargent (could "summon" people across the map to him), and others. The game looked like this:



I would run home from middle school grab a Coke, load Kazaa and play this game. I had friends online like LeadCatcher, who was a used car salesman in Salt Lake City, and Smackrock who eventually became a mod. I was in a squad and would fight squad battles and be in tournaments. I remember playing this game on Christmas day. Even after opening all my gifts all I wanted to do was play infantry. There are songs that to this day, when I hear them I think of listening to them while playing Infantry. During the summers I would put in like 30 hours a week. I was pretty good and all I wanted in life was to play Infantry.

And then one day the hammer fell. Sony bought the game in 2000 and in 2002 they announced that they were going to start charging like $7 a month to play the game. I would have gladly paid $7 a month, but it was the principal of paying for something I used to get for free that really wound my clock. Also, to a 14 year old $7 was a large chunk of allowance. So I gave it up and stopped playing it cold turkey. Occasionally I would think about it. What it was up to, if it had changed at all. If it was the same without me.

Seasoned changed, and changed again. I grew, as did the MMOTPS genre. Then last week I was browsing the Jupiter's moons in fiction Wikipedia page, when I saw a link to the computer game Infantry. I was like Peter Pevensie walking past the lamp post and knowing it as familiar but not sure why. I clicked and emotions came rushing back. I remembered the good times, and the better times. To my jubilation not only was it still alive it had just been announced that it would be made free again. Like a battered woman returning to the trailer park, I wondered if this was something I really wanted to endure possibly for another 3 years. But I also wondered if it had changed, would I even recognize it after all these years? Fuck It. I downloaded it. Waiting for it to download was like a Junkie waiting for his fix after being clean for 6 years. It was just like it used to be - in fact, nothing seemed to have changed - it was awesome (except that some dickwad had taken my handle Rusty78). Years of memories came back and I realized that I was once again terrible. But it was all the fun that it used to be. I guess the game is outdated now but to me it is timeless and I will rise again.

I hate that Rachel Ray

I really fucking hate Rachel Ray. I mean seriously. She is the bane of my existence. Every time I turn on the TV she is there. With her chic wardrobe and toothy smile that screams "Look at me! I'm hot shit! Sure I'm curvy on the outside, but I can still look good. And so can you!" She has a magazine called Every Day with Rachael Ray that comes out less then once a month. And she has a talk show. This is what she said about it "People know me for my love of food, but I have so much more I want to share." I know you love food you whore, but no one cares about what you think. You are a drain on the intellect of the United States.

This is what writer Jill Hunter Pellettieri said as some of her criticisms:
"Ray's ditzy demeanor also makes her easy to dismiss. She giggles off-cue and constantly praises her own cooking. "Smells awesome already!" she says, making her Snapper in a Snap. "I am so psyched about that." She employs cute abbreviations—EVOO means "extra virgin olive oil", and gives her dishes nicknames, such as "You-Won't-Be-Single-for-Long Vodka Cream Pasta". The acknowledgments in her $40 a Day cookbook read like a high-school yearbook: "Don …You are the tallest man we've ever had on crew, and yet you pack the smallest bag—ever! Cool." And, it didn't boost her credibility when she posed for pinup shots in FHM. (One featured Ray licking chocolate off a spoon.) " I'm just glad that there are others out there who feel the same way. At least 1800 people are part of the Rachael Ray Sucks live journal community.

Now she is the Dunkin' Donuts spokesperson. Yeah, I bet she is really taking advantage of all those free donuts (although she splits one with her mom). Watch this "Delish". You can see why I promised myself that I would punch her in the face if I ever saw her.


I went to Borders this afternoon to buy some shit and there were like 100 people waiting in line inside the store. I asked a lady what the line was for. She told me that Rachel Ray was coming! Awesome. Here I am minding my own business and Rachel Ray is coming. I don't go to Rachel Ray's hometown and bother her. I am so mad at Rachel Ray that I want to throw a midget through a plate glass window. I buy my things and leave, and as I am walking into the parking lot I see RR. She is walking towards the store with some guy. Probably her publicist, or manager or asshat. This is my chance. I realize that I probably shouldn't punch her in the face so I grab some snow and yell "Hey Rachel!" She looks over at me. I then yell "YOU SUCK" and throw a snowball at her and run.

I can't say for sure if she got the message, but the snowball to the torso hopefully will let her know how I feel about her 30 minute meals. I feel ashamed that I didn't have the courage to beat her with the 7th Harry Potter book, but at least I made a stand. Now if only I could run into Michael Phelps, Jim Belushi (who, by the way, is referred to as the Funniest Living Belushi) or Carlos Mencia.

Makin Babies

Jessica Alba announced she is pregnant this week. This comes as a shock to me, because I really thought I had a chance.

Also, Brittney Spears kid sister Jamie Lynn announced she is all preggers with a kid. That's right, the 16 year old star of a NICKELODEON show. Then Nickelodeon announced how supportive they were of her and so are her parents. Well, I guess when your first born daughter loses custody of her kids you don't turn down the second. Talk about one messed up family. Maybe this is normal for Louisiana but I find this to be disconcerting that no one is criticizing her getting pregnant at the age of 16.

I don't ever remember Melissa Joan Hart getting knocked up on the set of Clarissa Explains it All.

Campus Change: Past Present and Future

The University of Michigan and the city of Ann Arbor are constantly changing and evolving. In the past the campus grew in leaps and bounds as the surrounding city struggled to keep pace. Presently the campus is evolving while off campus, things are remaining much the same. No one knows what the future will hold for the University of Michigan or Ann Arbor but it seems that the future is coming quickly.

I often wish I could go back in time and walk through campus as it was in the past. I would love to see campus in the year 1927. If I would walk down South U. I think I would recognize some buildings, The Union and the Law Quad wouldn't look out of place. I could recognize Hill Auditorium and West Hall (with its Arch being installed only years earlier). What I can't picture though are the buildings that are no longer in existence. For example, University Hall on the site of the current Angell Hall auditoriums was razed in 1950 after some nutjob after he burned down Haven hall. I would love to walk by buildings like the University Hospital, West Engineering Annex (site of the UGLi) and Barbour Gymnasium (site of the chem building) all of which were razed to build newer structures. If I were to walk down state street in 1927 I might recognize some frat houses, and see homes standing where South Quad is supposed to be. I wouldn't see all the apartment buildings but houses, many of them with families living in them. Maybe children playing in the front yard. At State and Packard, all the the Restaurants that are now standing would still be homes but I might still be able to stop in Campus Corner and buy a coke (Built in 1897). I might make it to my house, which at the time probably didn't look anything like it does today. Across the street I would be able to see Ferry Field and watch Fielding Yost's football team practice. I think about students going all the way over to the Pretzel Bell on a Saturday night because Alcohol wasn't allowed on the campus side of Division street until much later. (The Brown Jug wasn't always a bar.) Off Campus students were renting rooms from families and pushing townies out. Apartments like Anabery (Melrose Place) were being built and the first storefronts were going up on South U. The Main street shops were creating satellite stores on State Street for students. The 1920's was a time of rapid growth for university buildings and as it grew so did the city.

It would be amazing to walk through campus to see the changes every ten years since that point. 1937 the construction of Rackam and West Quad. 1947 the LSA building and the return of life post great depression and war. 1957 the UGLi and Markley hall, plus the first signs of life for North Campus. 1967 Bursley Hall and the social turmoil on campus, imagine the feeling on campus with John Sinclair (before the 10 year prison sentence for 2 joints) and Vietnam. 1977 the CCRB and the closure of East U between South U and North U, I really want to go to a late 1970's Frat party, can you imagine what those would have been like? 1987 EECS building and the Hospital, what were Friday nights like before cell phones and AIM, how did people ever meet up with each other? 1997 Tisch hall and the school of social work, what was the feeling on campus that fall, knowing that a National Championship was in sight?

Now we get to 2007, the present. I think campus is undergoing change now as much as it is ever. The trends might fall away (hopefully Uggs and Crocs) but I think this is one last hurrah for campus expansion. It is often said that something is always being constructed around campus, and I remember an Every Three Weekly article that read "Campus Scaffolding to get 1.2 Million Renovation" But I feel that the building spree that has taken place since I have have been here is almost unmatched. Just buildings that have undergone renovation or construction in the 3 years I have been here: MoJo and Hill dining center, North Quad, Weill Hall, Business School, EECS, Student Publication Building, Alumni Hall, Alumni Field, Observatory Lodge, Walgreen Drama Center, Cardiovascular Center, BMRB, CSE, LSA building, Michigan Stadium. If a 1997 grad came back I think campus would look a lot different then it did when they were here. But in all the campus change, off campus things have remained quite the same, restaurants have come and gone, but the buildings have not changed much. The only construction in off campus housing have been additions and rebuilding due to fire. I can only think of one major off campus housing project in the three years I've lived in Ann Arbor and that is the construction of a 10 story apartment complex on the site of Anabery. I think its great that some new student housing is being built so close to campus, unfortunately they had to tear down a nearly historic building to do so. (note: Fielding Yost lived in that building during his long tenure at the University) I bet the all of the houses I have lived in will be here long after the buildings I have had classes in. But what is next for the University?

With the completion of the addition to Alumni Hall the Diag will have been completely developed. (I doubt anything will every be built on the northwest corner.) There are precious few spots for new buildings on central because every thing has been built. The other week I was asked by a friend where I thought the next big building would be built, and I told him in the location of the annexes that are south of Monroe and east of Oakland. Sure enough I read in the daily just the other day that the Law School is thinking about expanding to the other side of Monroe with a 102 Million addition. Where else? There are university annexes north of Huron by Flecther that could be built into a nice sized building. Perhaps the courtyard next to Martha Cook. But the question isn't where but what will be built. With the LSA building, North Quad, the Business School and the Walgreen Drama Center all getting new spaces, I don't really know what program needs a new building. U of M has grown into its space and as next years incoming class will be the largest class ever, but that is expected to lower in years after that. All these new buildings might all the space the school needs. I feel that there are two types of buildings on Central Campus, those that cannot be demolished to make way for better buildings and those that will become outdated and torn down. The Law Club, Michigan Union, Martha Cook, Hill Auditorium and Grad Library are all examples of building that I don't think will ever be torn down. They are considered to historic to be lost (that's also what they said about the Frieze Building). Other buildings like Dennison could (and hopefully will) be removed to build structures that will one day become historic too. I would guess that once a building makes it 100 years it will probably not be torn down without a good deal of ruckus. Maybe someday all of the buildings will be timeless enough that nothing is ever rebuilt, but only renovated. But as Central Campus is nearing its limits and the future is falling on North Campus. There has been a major push to increase the feeling of North Campus to that of Central Campus. To take it from the commuter feeling that Eero Saarinen imagined and turn it into a community like that of central. The addition of a performing arts center (Walgreen Drama Center) was a start but people still don't go to north campus like they hang out on central. This might be because of its distance from the city or perhaps it has to do with the lack of retail establishments, but for now North Campus is a place like it has always been, the nerdy little brother, who is trying to vie for attention but isn't getting any. Maybe with more buildings and some real attractions North Campus will finally reach its potential. But that's not to say that U of M isn't trying. Last week the Dean's of North Campus announced a new competition for North Campus called WorkPlay. It challenges groups of student to develop ideas to make North Campus more of a attraction rather than just classrooms and labs. The project is really open to any ideas and the best idea will be built with a budget up to $500,000. I plan to submit an entry and hopefully can take part in shaping the future of Michigan's campus.

Who knows what the campus will look like in 10, 20, 50 or 200 years. I hope that when I return years from now I will be able to recognize the buildings that I have grown to love and at the same time see the excitement of the new buildings that have been erected. (did that sound a little gay? For the record I love the buildings in a platonic way, you sicko.)

I have friends that look like each other

I have friends that look like each other.

My friend Kyle K and my hero Tom Champion look really similar.





It's pretty uncanny isn't it?

It's almost as similar to Steve-O and IOE GSI Steve-O look alike. I think his name is R. Rindler. Weird thing is that they both know Ross J so they might actually know that they look like each other, and they're both from Kalamazoo.

Brian gets his Money for Nothing, Chicks for Free

Well I just capped off one of my most productive months of blogging. I even wrote a post about the Michigan Stadium renovations that was deleted right as I was about to publish it. (I'm too lazy to re-write it.)

If you can remember it was a month ago that I announced that I was selling out to Google with Google Adsense. I guess that one of the advantages of the site is that it tracks the number of people that have visited my blog. It turns out that more people read it than I thought. In the one month span there have been 450 views of my blog. That equates to about 15 views a day. It also turns out that people have been clicking my ads too. Check out this chart for more details:




The really good news is that the 19 clicks have netted me exactly 7$ on the month. I know, I know, I can't wait to spend it all. But Google wont pay me until I have garnered 100$, so for right now, I'll just have to wait for more clicks. I anticipate that I should have a 100$ check in my hand around January of 2009. Isn't that exciting? No?

But you can see that views are much higher right around or after new posts. This means the more I blog the more views I get but right now there isn't any statistical correlation between the number of views and the number of ad clicks. Maybe if I had more friends in the blogosphere I would be more of an internet sensation.

The Best of Crime Notes

I have long been a fan of the Michigan Daily's summation of crimes reported to DPS. I have complied a top 10 list of some of the funniest crime notes I have read in my tenure.

10. Door stolen from Markley room - 9/22/04
The Department of Public Safety reports that a door was stolen from a room in Mary Markley Residence Hall yesterday at 2:30 a.m. The doorless room, 2123 Frost House, is in a men’s hallway. DPS has no suspects.

9. Man punched in head while boxing - 3/12/02
A man was struck in the head while boxing at the Central Campus Recreation Building Sunday afternoon, according to Department of Public Safety reports. He was not unconscious, although his speech was incoherent. He was transported to the University
Hospital's Emergency Room by Huron Valley Ambulance.

8. Mysterious liquid reported to DPS, found to be water - 3/18/05
A custodian at the Electrical Engineering building reported to DPS yesterday that there was some type of liquid coming from underneath a door. The spill was later investigated by the Occupational Safety and Environmental Health Department and identified as water.

7. Worker reports ripped pants - 11/1/04
An employee training at Michigan Stadium early Saturday morning called DPS to report that he accidentally ripped his pants while working.

6. Scrolls stolen, porn accessed at School of Ed. - 12/1/04
A caller reported to DPS on Monday that two Chinese scrolls were stolen from the School of Education and a computer was accessed to download pornography there.

5. Omelet stolen from University hospital - 11/07/05
Hospital security reported the larceny of an omelet at the University Hospital on Saturday around 11:15 a.m. The suspect was allegedly a patient in the psych ward that is currently under investigation, according to the Department of Public Safety

4. Girl slapped by stranger under West Hall arch - 9/23/05
A caller reported a man running up behind her and slapping her while she was walking under the West Hall arch yesterday late in the afternoon, the Department of Public Safety reported. She said the 28-year-old man was a stranger. DPS classified the man as highly intoxicated. The subject was arrested and then released until his warrant was authorized. The offense is a misdemeanor and could result in two years in prison.


3. Motorist punched in face by pedestrian - 3/23/05
A man reported to the Ann Arbor Police Department that he was punched in the face by a pedestrian while he was sitting in his car at a crosswalk on Monday afternoon.
The 30-year-old man said he was heading eastbound on Hill Street at about 4 p.m. when he stopped at a crosswalk at East University Avenue. The driver said a man crossing the street pointed at his front tire and said something. When the driver rolled down his window, the man walked over and punched the driver in the face.

2. Sexual remark appears on RA's board - 10/2/06

A sexual remark appeared on a female resident adviser's dry-erase board in Bursley Hall Saturday night, the Department of Public Safety reported. The remark read "My dick feels like corn." Police have no suspects.

1. Unknown person leaves feces in Bursley dorm room - 2/7/05
A caller reported to the Department of Public Safety that an unknown person had left a bowel movement in a Bursley Hall dorm room. The caller said the incident occurred while he and his roommate were asleep.

Earlobes

Here are some frequently asked questions I have received:

Brian do you have a thing against attached earlobes?
Yes, I have a strong distaste for attached earlobes. They are vile and disgust me. I could never be with someone who had attached earlobes.

But what are attached earlobes?
It's a genetic mutation of you genes, it means your like an X-Men but your superpower is that your earlobes are attached to your head. Like someone is trying to steal them.

Do I have attached earlobes?
Here is a quiz, which type of earlobes do you have:



If your earlobes look like the ones in picture A, you can continue living a normal happy life. If yours look like those in picture B, well good luck buddy.

But now I'm all butthurt that I look like a Muppet, will I ever be happy or find true love?
You can always *unattach* them.

But Brian don't you have attached earlobes?
Yeah, but that doesn't preclude me from disliking them. Just because your fat that doesn't mean you like fat people over non fattys. And plus I don't have to look at them, you do.

Who has the most attached earlobes ever?
Ross.

Why is all of this relevant?
When I was at the Lloyd Carr retirement press conference yesterday (I went for the bagels and stayed for the glazed donuts) I noticed that Lloyd Carr has detached earlobes.

Media Whoring

Again our tailgate has managed to make its way into mass media. Watch it below, it's ok to LOL.



Too bad they cut the part where I got hit by a car.

Who Comes up with this Stuff?

I was scanning through my spam emails today to see if I missed anything when I saw one email that caught my eye. The subject was "all jokes aside, yeah you do got a tiny cock". Intrigued by this I clicked the email to find that it was sent by Rudolph C. Hardy and its destination was Guadalupe H. Love. I guess that Rudolph and Guadalupe were joking about this, but then Rudolph got serious, because "all jokes aside, yeah you do got a tiny cock".


Do people ever really click on these?

Brian Sets A World Record

Our Internet was down last night and I had time to realize how worthless computers are without the Internet. I had to play minesweeper for 4 hours. The good news is that I set a new world record on beginner at 4 seconds. It was pretty sweet. Below is an AAR (after action report) of my success.
Click 1: Hit the 5, shows nothing but I know that throwing a 5 spot is rock solid. I start to think this could be the big game I've been waiting for, but then I remember that there is no time to think, only to click.

Click 2: I know the 5 is taking up most of the mines. So I go top right to open the map, it works. This could be the big break I was waiting for.

Click 3: Once I see click 2 I immediately know that there is only 1 mine unaccounted for. It's go time. Third click is magnificent. Perfectly placed and reveals exactly what I wanted to see.

Click 4: I know that all the mines are accounted for and I can click anywhere in the upper left and win. Because that what I am, a winner.

Go head, try to beat me. I'd be surprised if you could get a game in under 10 seconds. Your weak and pathetic.

I'd Play that Game.

I was walking through Pierpont Commons yesterday when it hit me that Pierpont Commons would make an awesome Counter Strike map. It has everything a good CS map should it could be a hostage rescue or a demolition. The CS team would start in like Panda Express and the Terrorists would start on the landing between the first and second floors, the one near the entrance to the Dude. Two of the hostages would be placed in the downstairs computing labs and two of the hostages would be inside of UGo's. The CS team would then have to 3 avenues of approach to the hostages. They could either fight through the main hallway (pictured below), the basement with the computer labs, or the offices on the second floor (assuming they connect to the cafeteria up there, I'm not sure).

Imagine the carnage!

I can just imagine a firefight on the main hallway, the CS team moving up from the bookstore to the travel agency, the terrorists hiding behind tables and trash cans huckin' frag nades. I'm not sure whether they would be allowed to go outside, but my first inclination is no. Also I would add a ladder by Beansters to get up to the second floor making the map more fair for the CS team.

Brian Sells Out

It used to be all about the blogging man, you've changed.

That's right I am a corporate sellout. I signed up for Google AdSense today, which means that in a few days I will have ads on my blog that can be clicked and in turn I will get paid by Google. So how much money do I expect to make? Probably none. I would guess that at about 20 people regularly read my blog. If 1 of them clicks an Ad each month maybe by after a year I'll be able to buy a 40 of Colt45. Sounds pretty sweet right? No, it just another example of the corporate man grabbing me by the balls. Since the daily already ran a newspaper article about how we sold out, so I might as well just sell out over the Internet too.

P.S. I can't tell you to click the ad's but if I make enough money I can turn the thermostat up to 67.

Brian Challanges Himself

After reading on Dlowe's blog about a bet that he couldn't name 38 of 43 presidents I decided to try for myself. I was able to get 40 out of 43. I regret to inform James Buchanan (#15), Ulysses S. Grant (#18) and James Garfield (#20) that I have forgotten you. Perhaps if Buchanan hadn't been such a shitty president I would have remembered him. Same goes to you Garfield, maybe if you had lasted more than 6 months in office you would have made the cut (Harrison I'll always remember you though, it was too soon). I don't know what to say about Grant. I probably could have remembered you, you reconstructionist two terming son of a bitch.

I am pleased to say that I got all of the 20th century presidents correct in order. Props to my boy Calvin Coolidge.

What do we get for 7 dollars?

All the legal advice you want.

I have used student legal services (SLS for us regulars) multiple times and have come away more than pleased both times. I'm sure every Michigan student has at least heard of Douglas "The Cowboy" Lewis (Pictured Below). That man got me out of 2 noise violations and saved even more money for my roommate.
I also had to go in to SLS last week because apparently our landlord is not a big fan of the BOX letter's and the Campus Corner sign. We got a notice from our landlord on Monday, that we had until Wednesday to remove the signs or they would dispose of them. Well, the fine people at SLS looked through our contract and made some calls, before telling us that we had no legal avenue to keep the box sign up. So Al and I went down to our landlord and busted some heads until they agreed to allow us to keep the Box sign if we remove the Campus Corner Sign. I count it as a victory for us, SLS, Box and America.

By the way, I don't think people use SLS to the full extent that they should. I'm going to have them write me a will, file some patents I've been thinking about, do the paperwork to change my name to Pizzapussysanta and a whole bunch of other stuff. Maybe I will get them to write a disclaimer for my Blog. It's legal advice and its free! Make way, I got people to sue.

Brian Rides Busses to Perfection

One of the benefits of being a bus driver is that you really learn how to use the system to get from one place to another quickly. Today I could have easily spent an hour getting to North Campus and back, but instead was able to make the round trip in about 30 minutes. Here's how:

Going North: Walk out my front door and see the Commuter North is already at the IM stop. So I missed the bus that goes up to North Campus. I make a bet to myself that I can get up there before it does and I start walking up State Street. The commuter north driver sees me and offers to let me on his bus outside of my house, but instead I have better plans. As I cross Packard the AATA Route 36 is pulling up to the stop right there, and I casually walk on the bus. I go up to CC Little and exit just as a Bursley Baits is pulling into CC Little. 6 Minutes later I am at Pierpont watching the Commuter North bus drive up to North Campus.

Going South: I walk out of the Cooley building just in time to see the Commuter South (Bus # 3024) pull away from the stop. I could try to run it down but I refuse to be "That Guy". Right behind that bus is a AATA Route 22 Connector. I get on this and take it down to Pierpont. Now, I could run up to the Commuter that is in front of it and get on, but I have better plans, plans that don't include me running. I walk over to the other stop right as a Northwood Express bus is pulling up and I get on. We get to CC Little in like 4 minutes. I get off that bus and cross the street in time to get on the Southbound Commuter that is pulling into CC Little. Now here is why I am awesome, the commuter I got in wasn't 3024 it was 3038. I was able to catch the bus that was ahead of the bus I missed. If I had just waited for the next commuter at the Cooley building I would have gotten home 20 minutes after I did. And this is why I'm hot.

BOX house, were big in Print Media

Well its a football Saturday and I don't have much time to blog because its in the middle of a tailgate. Bit I need to get this out of the way so I can blog about better things tomorrow (such as the drinking game I made up today).

Yesterday a picture of BOX made the front cover of the Daily. It was pretty cool. Vickery, Warlick, and Al were easy to distinguish. They were talking about corporate sponsorship of tailgates. They failed to mention Miller Light, Monster, Voodoo Night Club (F'ing Canadia), and AXE body spray. You can see the article and picture here.

We're really cool. Please date me.

Phucking Phil

I would hate you so much more if you weren't so awesome.

I hate Phil. Well not really, but I do want to hate him. You see this all started back in the spring of 2007 (like 5 months ago). This summer Ross, Pete and I lived in an apartment in a house across from Campus Corner. There was this girl that lived in the apartment above us that was amazing. We all wanted her. We would try to hang out with her, but she was always at this kid Phil's house. We all assumed that when she was talking about Phil she was referring to her boyfriend. But then we found out that he stopped dating her. He had her and he left her. It became common knowledge about our apartment that this Phil kid was good, perhaps too good. Anyone who got her had to be good, but to stop and then continue to hang out with her, that made him special. Although we weren't sure, we suspected that Phil left her not vice versa. We started to despise this Phil. We would curse Phil when we missed shots in beer pong. It was probably Phil who took that last roll of TP. Phil took Angela Lansburys virginity. Phil was unknowingly possibly cockblocking us, and we hated him for it. And we didn't even know what he looked like.

Then one night after Ross and Pete went home for the summer, I actually got to meet Phucking Phil. I was at her apartment and he was there. With his plaid shorts and his collared shirts and his quips. OHHH ALWAYS WITH THE QUIPS! It's like he always had the perfect thing to say. I guess the conversation never runs dry when you talking with Phucking Phil. I could see why she had fallen for him. Every time I would say something to him, I would think "I'd take pleasure in guttin' you boy". All the girls there wanted him and he knew it.

Then we moved out of that apartment and we would still occasionally see the girl, but then Phil started to show up at parties, and be Phil. Everything is perfect when your named Phil. Ugg, I can't even say the word Phil anymore, it just sounds so wrong. I guess Phil got bored with unknowingly ruining my life and decided to rub it in by running for homecoming king. So when ever I would see her, she could remind me to vote for Phil. That's exactly what I want to talk to you about. Phil. Phil even conned me into voting for him at a party (he has a way with words). Jokes on him though because I didn't even vote. Phil won anyways. Yay Phil! Grrr. That wasn't rain on my cheeks during the homecoming parade. It was my soul.

Phil if your reading this, I really don't hate you, I admire you. But then again you probably don't even know who I am. But I do kind kinda hate you.

Were big on the internet

Today Emily and Hanah were interviewed for some shitty webcast, but managed to drop a good word for the BOX house. It's very amusing, especially because Call on Me is playing in the background.

http://www.thepalestra.com/schoolsite.php?sid=1772&id=7411&rid=184

Brian Finds A Bargain

Whilst shopping at value world to increase my novelty glassware collection on Friday night, I found a authentic Michigan jersey with the number 15 on it. I got a 150$ Ryan Mallet Jersey for 8.60$. I rule.

Brian gets Kicked out of Michigan Stadium, Haggles

Yesterday was the first time I've ever been kicked out of the Big House despite regularly being a drunken mess and passing out inside the stadium.

After a great tailgate, it was about halfway through the first quarter when Paul and I decided to go to the game. As usual I filled up my flask with 101 proof Wild Turkey (pretty strong stuff). Walking to the game, I wanted a hot dog. There are 6 hot dog vendors and I took AP econ for a semester in high school so I have a strong knowledge of supply and demand. They wanted 1.50$ for a hot dog. Well I only wanted to pay a dollar, so I pitted them against each other and eventually at the last vendor I broke their price fixing scheme. I believe I cited the Sherman Antitrust Act.

When we got to the gate, I realize that I had lost my ticket but to my luck find one lying on the ground. I guess that there is about a 5% chance this ticket will scan. I get into the stadium on a ticket I found, with a flask of whiskey and a BAC well above any reasonable level. As usual my friend Alex bribes the hydration station people to sell him a 5 gallon jug of water. This way we can stay hydrated during the game. Well, he had 5 gallons of water and I had a flask of Wild Turkey. Whiskey Water it is. The water now had a light brown tinge and smelled like whiskey. I think that about 20 people around us helped out on the whiskey water. But unaware of the impending event staff coming down the aisle I took a huge pull from the 5 gallon jug. They told me to come with them and confiscated my mixed drink. I thought I was done for sure. To them it looked like it was a 5 gallon jug of whiskey, they were unaware that it was mostly water. They kept asking me how I managed to get it into the stadium. I didn't say a word. I guess they decided that because I didn't make a scene they wouldn't MIP me. So I got to watch the second half on TV.

Thanks to Jessica Hanley for the picture. Its classic.

On the way home I was hungry again. They sell 5$ pizzas outside the stadium and I wanted one. I decide that I am only going to pay 3$. I'm drunk and my haggling skills are in full force. They tell me they won't sell me one. We'll see about that, so I ask to see their permit, they don't have one. I go tell on them to the hot dog vendors down the street. Hot dog vendors are a feisty bunch because they call the cops. Now the pizza people have 900 pizzas and can't sell them. Because of me. I guess instead of now selling me pizzas for cheap they decided that because they are about to lose thousands of dollars that they wont sell me one at all. Fine by me, there is much more haggling to be done. I head back down Hoover to the hot dog/hamburger vendors. I decided that 3$ is far too much for a hamburger. 2$ sounds better to me. First few vendors laugh at me. But the third guy is so impressed by my amazing haggling skills he gives me one for free. It was so good that I had to actually buy a second one, I think I gave the guy 7$ for the second one. But that guy was cool as shit.

And that is just 1 hour of a completely blogable football Saturday. If I wrote about the tailgate itself this post wouldn't fit on the internet.

Nightmares

Last night I had some scary dreams, like in one I was in a fight. In another I was living with all of my roommates in Couzins and there was a lion fighting an aardvark fighting a zebra in the courtyard, and every time I looked out my window there was another animal like a horse and dog. Eventually there was a human baby involved and I had to go down and save it. That was scary. But the dream that caused me to wake up in a cold sweat was that for some reason people weren't allowed to comment on my blog. It was awful. So analyze my dream and comment about it, if you can.

Also, I can feel my dream of being the subject of a craigslist missed connecting is getting closer to reality. There was a rant and rave about a bus driver. That could have been me, but it wasn't. Someday there will be a "superhot superfunny bus driver, I want to sit on your face" post. Until then I'll keep checking. And don't post that, because I'll know it was you.

That Guy

I accidentally thought my History 241 lecture started at 2:00 instead of 2:30 so I went into the classroom and was surprised that it had started early, I sat down before I realized it was the last part of the art history class that gets out at 2:30.

Though, to everyone else in the lecture hall I looked like that guy who comes to the last 20 minutes of a lecture and immediately puts his headphones on and falls asleep. Finally a girl woke me up and told me "Class is over, you can now go home and sleep."

BOX House on the internets.

Our very Ross has become yet another internet celebrity after this picture appeared on the website collegehumor.com.

It appears that a few other people also took pictures, as we've been seeing them pop up on facebook. Too bad the BOX letters didn't make the pic. We also spread the BOX to Oregon after playing thunderstruck with some old timers and trading t-shirts. It looks like were on the up and up.

Brian Tries to get into Crime Notes

There is a reason that when you search for Brian Russell on the umich directory its easy to figure out which one I am. There are 3 nobody's and 1 campus legend. I attempted to continue this streak by trying to take an upper decker at University President Mary Sue Coleman's house today. It ended in failure when I realized my diet consisted mainly of cheese.

Brian Works at Night

I worked the graveyard shift tonight from 7pm to 3am. I really like working late nights for several reasons; there is almost no traffic, there are almost no passengers, most traffic lights go to blinking red after midnight, there is no rush to get home to do stuff and there are usually drunk people you can fuck with.

For example, around 1:20 I was sitting at CC Little drinking Diet Coke and playing scratch off lotto tickets when these three drunk girls tried to sneak two traffic cones on my bus. The were less than stealthy, but sat in the back to hide their loot. I got up and strolled to the back and asked "Are you ladies in possession of any stolen university property." They nervously stare at each other, while I stare at the traffic cones. The one that hadn't crapped her pants yet started apologizing, but I broke in with a "Well, it looks like I'm going to have to call this one in to DPS." The last girls craps her pants. I turn to go to the radio as the third girl whose voice is trembling in fear of being arrested her first night at Michigan says "Well put them back I promise. Please don't call the cops." By then I couldn't help but turn around and laugh and tell them that I really didn't care if they stole traffic cones. I got you good, fucker.

Later I was being creepy with some drunk freshmen girls and even got invited back to their Bursley dorm room. One of them ran her fingers through my hair. It was pretty cool. To bad that the night was highlighted by a different event one that will have bus 3028 live in infamy.

The Pre-Blog Blogables

I wish I had my blog back during my freshmen year of college so I could go back and remember all of the things I did before I had my blog. Looking back at some of the things we did in the dorms I wonder how I didn't get kicked out/maimed. Se here's the stuff I can remember and if you can add anything leave it as a comment.


-Turning off the water to the toilets on a Friday night so by Monday every toilet had at least one dookie in it.
-5th floor keg the night before MLK day.



-Putting up fat chick porn in all the bathroom stalls.
-Asking my math GSI to hang out and drink beers. He sent a class wide email subject: Hangout Policy. It was a no go.
-Drinking with my RA from the keg we had sneaked into the triple on St. Patty's Day.
-Playing strip beer pong in my dorm room the night before my Calc 2 midterm. My grade was also a no go.
-The time that we built Normandy style beach fortifications in the hallways to slow down people.
-Getting sick in the 5 Blagdon bathroom.
-Building a snowman on E. Medical Center right in the middle of the road until a trucker tore it down.

-Getting written up twice in 24 hours.
-Going to lunch so drunk that I ladled ranch dressing all over the sneeze guard.
-Ordering 80's Gold off of an infomercial.
-Trying to order 1000 chicken fa-jitas, eating 5 chicken sandwiches, and what my server referred to as "the largest plate of chicken broccoli bake ever served."
-Dorm room golf.
-Hollering at girls with our Megaphone and getting them to come up to our room.

-Getting a free room key by offering to trade her a Chicken Sandwich instead if giving her 5$.
-Attempting to actually use the ergopod.
-Dropping everything to contribute all of my energy to the Save Forest campaign.
-Dropping ice cream cones down the stairwell.
-Throwing an entire loft out of the 4th floor window piece by piece.
-Booting in Alex Galarza's shoe when he was visiting for the weekend.
-Drinking a Beer in the Shower while my neighbor was having sex in the next shower over.
-Signing up for Speed Dating but getting too sloshed on Long Islands, and passing out on my floor.
-Walking back from our engin final through the Arb, smoking cigars and drinking 40's.
-Turning the megaphone siren on all the time.
-The last week in the dorms I had moved everything home and came back up for 5 days to "get a job", but really I had nothing to do but drink a majority of the 145$ of beer that Paul and I bought the week before. I had 3 things in my room, mattress on the tile floor, computer, and a fridge full of beer. I was the very last person to officially leave my floor.
-Pooping in the freight elevator.
-Ohh and this...

Brians Futon, Also An Internet Celebrity

My futon is famous. When I was a freshmen the local band Tally Hall filmed a video in my dorm room and my futon is now an Internet sensation. I think my picture might still be on their website.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dhP4uoGKWU

I slept on the futon for over a year, and every night it was like sleeping with Joe Hawley himself.

Brian Gives Advice

It's the last week of orientation and I had all of the engineering orientees on my bus today. So the bus was packed with mostly incoming freshmen. I know most of the Engineering Peer Adviser's and they said I could say a few words to the pre-froshes. So while driving down Bonisteel I took the bus PA mic and welcomed them to Michigan and gave them the best advice I could. It went something like this.

"Attention pre-froshes, this is your friendly bus driver Brian. First of all let me say welcome to Michigan. I hope your enjoying your orientation. Listen to your adviser's, they know whats best for you. But while your here take time to look around you, not just at the streets and buildings, but look at the people around you. These are the people you will be spending the next 4 years with. You will see this kids in your classes, in your dining hall, and probably living on your floor. Get to know them because you will see them next year and you will find yourself saying 'hey weren't you in my orientation?' more than you think. So while your here learn a lot, go out get wasted, and meet some of these people, in the fall you'll be glad you did."

I feel like that is the advice that I would have found more invaluable than anything I heard when I was at orientation.

Brian Gets Popular

I think my blogosphere of influence is increasing. The other day I got a facebook friend request from a girl that could only know me through my blog. She is a 22 year old, goes to Ivy Tech, is engaged and have never seen her before in my life. Usually when I get a random request I can find some link between us. Maybe we have mutual friends or are interested in the same things, or are from the same place. This girl doesn't even have a facebook friend at Michigan. So I'm chalking this up to being an Internet celebrity. Bring on the groupies.

Brian Renames His Blog

Well the title really says it all. I renamed my blog, but in the third person (omniscient not objective, obvi). The reasons were clear, I never really loved my first name, and to be honest, I knew it would be tough from the start (Lurk Moar). Especially because I don't have Muttonchops. But I think this name is prefect in every way. I also changed the color scheme around a bit. Partly because I don't really like any of the templates and partly because I'm not my hero, and don't have the ability to do much about it. I hope you like the new name, and Welcome to the Internet Fatass.

Brian Gets a Raise!

Being on vacation at the beach rocks because you don't have to worry about work. But I still get emails from my boss saying that there is an open charter to drive the football team to the high ropes course and stuff. I can totally disregard them. But when the subject line reads "Student Driver Pay Raise" I get excited. And so beginning on August 12th I will get a $1.50 raise. That's a substantial increase in pay. Combine that with the $.50 raise I got in May, in 3 months I've gotten a 20% pay increase. Do I know why we are getting getting a raise? No. Am I pleased? You bet. So now I get $12 an hour to drive around Ann Arbor and meet friendly people.

IM LEEEEROY JENKINS!

I work with a guy whose name is LeRoy Jenkins. He is a big, strong black guy who could easily kick my ass. But every time I see him I just want to yell "I'M LEEROY JENKINS" If your unaware of why Leroy Jenkins is a interneters family name check this out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkCNJRfSZBU

Now if only I worked with a guy named Rannndy Watson.

Another Reason to go to Michigan

Lets face it Michigan really is the leader and best. Best fight song, best football uniform, flag on the moon, largest football stadium, highest out of state tuition, etc. But what about this...

Did you know that Michigan was the home of the very first Panty Raid? That's right on March 21, 1952, 600 men of West Quad raided the all female South Quad and stole their panties. After that, panty raids became all the rage across the nation, with a particularly crazy raid taking place at UC Berkley. So if you think that we're not pioneers over here at the U of M, think again because we invented the Panty Raid.

Brian Improves Working Conditions

A few weeks ago I was sitting in the break room at work. I was very bored and decided to fill out a safety suggestion form. Too bad the best safety suggestion I could come up with was this:

(I wish I could scan this in...)

Describe Problem:
Lack of divider between the urinals of the breakroom bathroom. Dangerous crossflow combined with the minimal urinal spacing makes for a hard situation when multiple people need to pee.
Your Proposed Solution:
Add a divider or respace the urinals to allow for better access to waste resources. Unfortunately this will limit Ipod sharing while using the bathroom.

Well a few weeks later I got this in my mailbox:

Hello Brian

While the Safety Committee doesn't view your suggestion in the safety category, but still deserves a response.
We actually investigated and priced out how we might expand the bathroom facilities at Kipke several years ago. The women's bathroom is even more limited than the men's and that is what prompted that study. It would be very costly to reconfigure the facilities and we (management) decided not to pursue it.

The urinals in the men's room are very close together, but there is not room enough to space them differently without redoing the plumbing (another costly item). We could remove one urinal, but feel that having two is better in case one is out of service.

We suggest is that if one of the urinals is occupied that you use one of the enclosed toilets instead.

Michael Bodary, Senior Buyer

Haha can you believe that someone had to actually dignify that suggestion with a page long response. He even gave me a suggestion as to how I could avoid any awkward situations. To bad he didn't address the issue of Ipod sharing. Oh well.

I think this means I am entered into a safety drawing. If I win money because if this...

What are the odds? Really?

Well last weekend I was on a diplomatic mission to Iowa to visit Mark's hometown. Small town America is awesome! Everyone in town knows the minute you get a chick preggers. So, were at this kid's house playing what might be the first game of Scat every played in Emmitsburg. There were 8 of us sitting around when we realized that we needed something from upstairs. We decided to Rock Paper Scissors for who had to go. I was still questioning how 8 person RPS even works, when the most remarkable throw occurred. Of the 8 of us, 7 threw scissors and the 8th kid threw paper and lost. It was like we planned it. Well I took stats and probability and I realized that the odds of that happening were 1 in 2187 (3^7).

But the real kickier came when 40 minutes later we had to run upstairs again. So again RPS was called into play and again the identical throw occurred with the 7 of us having the same throw and the same kid throwing the losing hand. The odds of this happening twice is a row is 1 in 4,782,969 I mean that should never happen. But what really defied the odds was that it was again with 7 scissors over 1 paper. The odds of what we witnessed happening again is a controlled setting are 1 in 14,348,907.

And you say there is no God?

Free Panda

Yeah I use vague titles to make people think I care about releasing panda bears back into the wild. Wrong. I just like Chinese fast food and after 3 months of hard work it all paid off. You see, I had filled my panda combo club card. Much like any other club card, every time you buy a 2 entree plate they punch your card. After 4 punches you get a free soda, after 8 a free spring roll, and after 12 a free 2 entree plate. Well only noobs would redeem for a soda, from a cost savings standpoint... comon! And wouldn't you rather have a soda than a shitty spring roll? So I ate panda once a week for 12 weeks, and made it to the top tier. But then my world was rocked right after "Lisa" gave me my orange chicken, "Rachel" asked me if I wanted a spring roll. I always say no. But then I gave "Jason" my full card, and he told me that not only do I get the free 2 entree plate, but I also get everything else I've accumulated. So I ended up with like 9$ of panda all free. And then I stole like 9 fortune cookies.

oh mang my head

I was really hungover when i woke up this morning. Maybe because it was 6 am. Or maybe it was because I was covered in ants and on the front lawn of a house at Oakland and Hill.

Brian Strikes Out

I just realized exactly how nerdy I really am. Not only do I get every reference in this song, but also things like this happen to me:

I went out the other night and ended up going back to this girl's place. We went up to her apartment and sat down on her couch. But instead of making a move, or doing anything to get with her, I spent the next 20 minutes explaining to her the benefits of the Dvorak keyboard layout. Needless to say, it was a very lonely walk home.

Fuck.

6 degrees of Wilt

I often wish that facebook was more like AIM, in that when a new version of facebook comes out I can check out the new features and go back to version 4.3. I liked the old facebook. Just linked pages. No friend statuses, photo albums, news feeds or friend details (and no fucking gifts!). I liked my facebook when it looked like this:



I remember one of my favorite features that they removed was the "You
Know Karen Through..." that gave you some connection to people you didn't know. It would list one of your friends who knows one of their friends who knows them. I can imagine when that would be useful.

Girl: Hey your Brad right?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Your friends with Jess right?
Guy: Yeah, how do you know Jess?
Girl: I don't, but she knows my friend Tom.
Guy: Ohh, so we have no common friends.
Girl: Yeah...

Facebook finally realize that listing more that 2 degrees of separation was futile, and that listing mutual friends was probably more relevant. But I used to enjoy trying to find people on my network that were more than 3 degrees of separation away from me. I never could find any current students that I didn't know through at least 2 people.

I was thinking about this yesterday as I was driving on the Ohio Turnpike, and it got me thinking about the whole theory of 6 degrees of separation. I started thinking about who was the most pivotal node in the network. The person that most people would use to connect to other people. This person would have to have met lots of people in lots of different places and they would have to have been well known enough so that people would remember their encounter. The answer came to me immediately. Wilt Chamberlain had more connections than anyone else, ever.

Think about this, the average person only ever meets a few thousand people in their lifetimes. Even people who are very social in college rarely leave with more than 1000 facebook friends. And even then they probably don't even know all of them. But Wilt Chamberlain had to have meet at least an order of magnitude more than the average person. He had sex with 20,000 women alone. Imagine what that means, at the time of his death there were about 250 million people in the US. 125 million women. And he had sex with 20,000 of them. That mean that 1 in 6250 women in the US had sex with The Big Dipper. That's just people he railed. He probably met people he didn't rail. If you do the math, probably 1 in a few thousand people met him, which is about how many people the average American knows. I mean you could guess that most Americans were within 2 degrees of separation of him at his time of his death. Can anyone think of anyone who could equal this guy in terms of sheer popularity. So lets see, Wilt Chamberlain was in Conan the Barbarian with Arnold Schwarzenegger who was in Twins with Danny DeVito who was in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest Jack Nicholson with who was in A Few Good Men with Kevin Bacon! So there.

Brian Russell's Safari Apartment

I woke up this morning at 5:30am on 2 hours of sleep to go to work on a Sunday. As I was lying in bed wondering why I signed up to work, I could hear the varmint that lives in the ceiling above my bed scratch away at the drywall above me. That's ok, its not like he is going to fall from the ceiling onto my bed. I got up and walked through the living room and stepped on like 30 ants. There fine, they clean my carpet so I can't complain about them. As I turned on the light to the bathroom hallway I saw a few cockroaches scurry away. Cockroaches aren't cool, they give me the heebe jeebes. After I get my bathroom on, I go back to my room to put on some clothes, and on the door to my closet is a frog. A frog. It started hopping around my room, getting slime all over my stuff. Why an amphibious creature lives in my bedroom is a interesting query. But my biggest concern is that I know he is in my room, but I don't know where. I am afraid to go to bed, put on shoes, or open my closet doors because he could be anywhere. What if I wake up and its on my face? What if he is in my base killin' my doods. For all I know he is watching me right now, planning his next strike. Ahhhhh.

Hey Everyone Check out the Half Albino kid!

You've heard of a farmers tan right? Yes, well have you ever heard of a bus drivers tan? No, because your not a bus driver. When you drive in a vehicle all day the sun tends to only fall on your left forearm. So my left arm is about 3 shades darker than the rest of my body. I look like I ran out of sunscreen halfway through the job. I need to put a sunroof on the bus. Or start applying sunscreen to only the left side of my body to even it out.

Cedric the Shady Entertainer

My summer apartment is on the corner the State and Arbor. It is equidistant from Bluefront and Campus Corner. We have the basement apartment of this big house and our door opens onto a large brick patio. So on Wednesday we had some friends over to grill out, play cornhole and drink some brews. When all of the sudden this large black guy comes over and asks us if he could sit on the porch and drink the 40's he just bought from Bluefront. 4 hours later were still chillin' with "ced" inside our apartment shooting the shit. He tells us about selling dope on Detroit's east side until the age of 27 and then deciding to go to Culinary Arts school at Washtenaw. We tell him about life in the 'burbs. Eventually we call it a night, and Cedric goes home. We all wonder if we will ever see Cedric again.

The next day were going to a party at our friends house and about 40 minutes after we get there Cedric shows up with some of his friends. The females that rent this house seem uneasy, but we just go up to Cedric and welcome him. And then another kid at the party sees him and goes "Oh shit, Cedric's here" and comes over to greet him. It looks like Ann Arbor has a new celebrity and he is a 29 year old culinary arts major at Washtenaw.

University of Iowa > University of Indiana

I just got back from a quick road trip I took with some friends to go out to Iowa. We were going out to Iowa to celebrate our friend Val's 21st birthday. We knew Val because she was Mark's old girlfriend and we stayed at her apartment on our way home from LA on spring break. Right before we left we decided to go a day early and spend a night at this girls apartment in Indiana. This girl went to high school with Peter and she told us they were going to have a party for us there.

Do to general apathy, I didn't bother to take the day we were leaving off work so I had to work until 6pm. We left Ann Arbor at like 6:30 and after a few illegal U-Turns we got to IU around midnight. I guess a party at IU is 5 people sitting around watching Homeward Bound and drinking. This girl ended up living like 2 miles from campus and in an apartment with no college students. Other than drink all of their Blue Moon there wasn't much else to do. So after only a few hours in Bloomington we decided to saddle up and hit the road. By request Peter decided to stay at his friends apartment with no way to get back to Ann Arbor. We hung out and got travel tips from some Mexicans that were hanging out and drinking in the Gazebo in the courtyard. Then we were off to the great state of Iowa. After a hearty breakfast at the Perkins in Peoria we continued west to Iowa City.

We got there at like 10am, and after watching Aladdin everyone was ready for a napski. But I had some stuff to do so I went to go see campus and meet some of the heartlands finest. I can say the the University of Iowa has an amazing campus. It has the old State Capitol before it was moved to Des Monies, a river and a top notch bus system. But the coolest thing about Iowa City was the campus's downtown district. It was far superior to Ann Arbor's. Instead of just a few streets of stores and bars (north State Street, Main and South U) They had a really cool three block downtown area with shops restaurants and bars. Because 19 year-olds can enter bars, there really isn't much of a house party scene. Everyone just goes out to the bars, and the bars are all within a few block of each other. Part of the downtown is blocked off to a pedestrian mall, that ends up like Greenwood during a block party but instead of houses there are bars, and instead of cops there are food vendors. The bars there are ginormus. One of the bars we ended up going to had at least 600 people in it. It was crazy considering it was a Thursday night during finals week. Iowa just had such a nice feel to it, and it seemed like a very fun campus, that I would love to visit again but I can imagine that the bars are a bit more expensive than the red solo cup in the 500 count bag.

I really like road trips because I can see the country and now enjoy the "TRUCKS" flag Ross bought at the worlds largest truck stop and the 28$ worth of illegal fireworks I now possess.

The coolest LAN party in town

In the past couple of weeks my apartment has become obsessed with Age Of Empires 3. Even though it came out over a year ago, we just got really into it all of the sudden. So last Monday about 10am my roommate Peter comes to wake me up to play a game or 4 before I have to go to work. Even though we stayed up till 6am the night before playing, we started out first game of the day. But at 11 am everything went dark. We sublet a basement apartment and when the power goes off you know it.

Well just because the people we sublet from didn't set up the power, that didn't mean that we couldn't play AOE3. So we devised a plan and immediately packed up our computers and went to the Ross Academic Center to play computer games. Sure, it seemed kinda weird saying "yeah man send me some wood then we'll attack green!" in a library but then again the only people around were football players and female athletes. They wouldn't judge us. It was like the World of Warcraft episode of South Park, but in public.

When I got home from work I was jonesin for some more, but the academic center was closed, so we took the party to the basement of the Union and rock some solid games until we were kicked out at midnight. The game is addicting and we spent a solid amount of time sitting around the apartment on a Saturday afternoon playing computer games and rejoicing the power being turned back on. So if you think you can defeat me I play a mean Dutch and a meaner French.

Dear Editor

So I called the Daily today to comment on the crossword now that the Daily has become a weekly. The phone conversation went like this.

Me: Hello
Dude: Hi
Me: Is this the editor in chief?
Dude: No he isn't available, can I help you?
Me: Yeah, I have a question, do you know what day of the week this crossword puzzle is?
Dude: No, I have no idea.
Me: Well, now that you've become a weekly publication I think you should publish the Tuesday puzzle.
Dude: Umm
Me: You see, Thursdays and Fridays are impossible and Monday is a complete joke, I like the Tuesday.
Dude: Well I'll pass that comment along.
Me: Good, because I really only use your paper for the crossword and crime notes and I at least want to enjoy the puzzle.
Dude: Ok...
Me: Well the campus community has spoken. Thanks.
*long pause*
Me: Well, bye.

So there you have it. The Tuesday puzzle for the rest of the summer. You can thank me later.

When Tragedy Strikes, Facebook is there to Pick up the Peices

As with any tragedy people look to reach out to the grieving and lend a helping hand to those in need. To college kids that means to reach out a hand, grab a mouse and click join "Our prayers are with Virgina Tech." This large outpouring of support from across the country will let those know that others care.

And while I truly do mourn this event, I cant help but wonder if these Facebookers really care about Virgina Tech, or if they just want to create a really big group to be proud of. There are already 322 groups as of this posting that all have the same message. Is it important that people know that your grieving from Newfoundland?

Does the fact that I haven't joined a group make me a bad person. I feel bad about what happened, I don't want it to happen again, but will people judge me if I don't make that publicly known in my FB profile? Will you hate me for not accepting your group invite?

Now I am pretty group selective, and part of the reason I fear joining a group is that eventually I'll feel the urge to leave it, as it is cluttering up my page. How long do you have to wait to leave A group like this. Its like asking when should we forget a tragic event. I would guess never. It should stay with us until we die, to make sure it doesn't happen again. If I joined the group "never forget" can I ever leave without feeling guilty?

If I change my profile pic to the Vtech logo it lets everyone know where my heart lies, but what happens when i get crazy drunk next week and someone takes a picture of me peeing on a homeless person. Is it okay then to change my pic to that, com'on its hi-larious.

I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that it seems like some people treat disasters like fads and make facebook groups and change their AIM profiles until the next big thing. I want to find someone with the "Never Forget: Tsunami 2004" Facebook picture and in the "Our Prayers are with the Victims of Hurricane Andrew" Facebook group. How soon we forget.

Until next time our nation is struck to the core, Vtech just kicked in yo!

Too soon?

Punk'd by an Inanimate Object

I got April Fooled by my alarm clock. It thought it would be funny to fake daylight savings time again spring forward another hour. The fucker woke me up at 7:20 and told me it was 8:20. It wasn't until I saw Mike on the bus that I realized I had been duped harder than Peter Sarsgaard in Shattered Glass. And what really chaps my ass is that it wont let it go. It still is trying to fuck with me. I guess we can't really ever trust computers. But when will be the next time we will wake up and be messed with? Well here is the list.

3:14:07 on Tuesday, January 19, 2038 - Planes will fall out of the sky, up will be down, black will be white, hippies will be normal. The way that computers keep track of time is using a signed 32 bit counter that adds one each second. The problem is that 2^32 is just over 4 billion. So that in 2038 the counter will hit reach its maximum and become negative. Negative time. Many predict this to be the date when computers take over the world and Ann Coulter comes out of the closet.

Y2K10 - You wake up in new years day, still hung over from year 9999 and realize that its not year 10,000 at all but actually year 0000. This is because modern computers that will still be in use in 8000 years only give 4 places to store the year, and only the last 4 are displayed. This is a very pressing issue that many scientist have already theorized has no solution.

I thought there would be more, but it looks like were safe from the tyranny of our alarm clocks for another 31 years.

The Fishbowl is Dead to Me

Well I did it, I broke the streak of Sunday Blog Posting that has been a plague of this blog.

Wednesdays are hard for me. I have class from 9am until 7pm and all of my weekly homework is due on Wednesday. This makes Tuesdays suck. Especially when I have to work. So like most Wednesdays, I woke up and realized that I didn't have my shit together. This morning I decided to take a break from class and do the homework I had neglected. At least I wouldn't be skipping class to watch TV right? This also meant I wouldn't have to go up to North Campus until the afternoon and I could do my work on central campus. I cant do work in my house, and I didn't want to walk all the way to Angell Hall so I got the idea to follow the advice of my beer pong table and go to the Stephen M. Ross Academic Center.

The moment I walked though those doors I kissed off the UGLi and Fishbowl for good. Not only is it 2 minutes away from my house, and 1 minute from my house next year, its gorgeous. I mean WOW, I would considering hanging out here on the weekends its so nice. Imagine the computer lab in the new CSE building, think that's cool right? WRONG. This is cool. The chairs are comfortable, the keyboards aren't covered in the mix of dandruff and feces like the Fishbowl ones, and there is enough space for me to have more that one pocket size dictionary on the table. No wonder the athletes are trying to keep this for themselves.

Also the people watching is awesome. And its fun to watch athletes trying to do work. When I came in some big guy looked up at me, as if to ask why I was in his study space. I just looked at him and said "ping pong" and kept walking. I still feel a little out of place but that's not going to deter me from coming back. This Stephen M. Ross guy knew what he was doing. I hope the new B-School is this cool.

It's more of a Shelbyville idea.

Every now and then I read something in The Daily about building a monorail between Central Campus and North Campus. Building a monorail is one of the more idiotic things I've ever read in the Daily. Not only would it be less efficient than the current bus system, it would also be more expensive and downright infeasible. Here's why.

1) A monorail would only have a few select stops, probably just at CC Little, and Pierpont Commons. Maybe one more on the hill. This mean that students would still have to take a bus to get to the monorail.

2) You still have to wait for a monorail. Any monorail would be 1 straight track and not a loop for obvious reasons (costs). Therefore the monorail would get to CC Little and reverse direction, meaning only one car can be on the track at a time (or else they would hit each other). So the monorail would only come by every 5 minutes or so which is the same frequency as the Bursley-Baits buses arrive.

3) You would still need a fleet of buses. Nurses who park at Mitchell Field and Glazier Way still have to get to work. People who live in Baits or not near a monorail stop would still have to take a bus to get to the monorail, and then another bus to get from the monorail to their destination.

4) Monorails can't go through buildings. There is a hospital and about 5 dorms in between CC Little and Pierpont Commons, and I wouldn't want to live in a room with a train flying by my window every 5 minutes.

5) Monorails have to be level. In between North and Central Campuses is a Huron Valley. The track would have to be a few hundred feet in the air above Fuller road.

6) Monorails are expensive compared to buses. They are expensive to build and maintain and unless students would be willing to pay to ride a monorail I would doubt the University would ever build one.

7) Monorails need a maintenance building that would have to be built somewhere.

8) Monorails are an eyesore and would look horrible in Ann Arbor.

9) A monorail would have to support people with disabilities. Wheelchair passengers would probably have a hard time using the system.

10) Monorails have no way to evacuate in case of emergency. If there was a malfunction there would be no way to evacuate people from a monorail 300 feet above fuller road.

11) The bus driver union would be pissed if you tried to cut jobs.

12) Monorails can get just as crowded as buses.

The current bus system works well and while crowded gets people where they would like to go in an expedient manner. A monorail wouldn't be the elixir to the transportation problem at the University, and would most likely be a failed proposition.