It was a bright summer day in 2008 and instead of enjoying it my roommates and I were all sitting around the house watching trash TV. It was one of those days where it was too hot to really pay attention to the episode of Intervention or Tyra. Most of us were on our laptops fucking around on the internet. A constant stream of giggles were coming for the couch where Peter sat. Every few minutes he would turn the monitor around and show us something ridiculously funny. Soon after we were all huddled around his computer watching him press the "random button" on the internet.
That button was StumbleUpon. An internet engine that with a click of a button would take you to a site that you would probably like based on your preferences. It's how I first discovered XKCD. I spent probably an hour a day for the next 2 years stumbling. Staying awake for "one last stumble before bed". Eventually I had to quit, it was just too much. I destroyed my laptop bought a new computer and refused to download StumbleUpon. Sure enough Stumble wondered where one of it's most faithful servants had gone and sent me a message.
I had no choice but to respond and break it off.
I was just going through some old emails and came across my response and got a good chuckle. I never heard back from Stumble but re-reading it made me think fondly about all the things I could have accomplished if it wasn't for StumbleUpon.
As if once wasn't enough. I've really grown to dislike Christian Bale. I love American Physco but have found his recent roles to be as lackluster as a Polish handjob.
I found myself in possession of a Netflix movie tonight that featured the Mr. Bale himself. The movie was Rescue Dawn or as I call it the poor man's Deerhunter. Anyways, the movie was a real riot, quite the knee-slapper. Well only this one part. But it was so good I had to add it to the internet. So here it is in all it's Bale-ish glory.
So this dumb bitch decides that she wants people to take her psych survey (whose link doesn't work) so she decides to spam her dorm hall and the entire psych group that totals about 500 people. So someone emails back that it doesn't work, then a few more people also email that the project was due a week ago. Then one idiot decided that they didn't want to be part of the group so they email the entire group to be removed. This starts a firestorm or emails.
4:25 - First email sent
6:04 - First "Don't reply to all" email
6:09 - First "Please take me off the list" email
6:41 - First new subject (thread) to get sent out about being taken off the list.
6:42 - Original emailer sends out an apology and begs everyone to stop ending emails. Her pleads are unheard over the sounds of people clicking "reply to all".
6:43 - I send out my first email to everyone:
I swear that if any one else replies to all I will hunt you down on the umich directory and disable every electronic device that you own. I will then convert your keyboard layout to Swahili.
The person who sent out the original email spammed a group that she does not control. SHE CANT TAKE YOU OFF THE MAILING LIST. You have to email the owner Bwallace@umich.edu to be removed. DON'T EMAIL THE ENTIRE GROUP TO BE REMOVED.
Seriously learn some email etiquette.
6:55 - I start individually emailing people who "Reply to All" with this message:
Can you read? You replied to all. You don't deserve to use a computer. What do you have to say for yourself? You better start learning Swahili.
7:13 - Someone sends out an email with the subject "The spam solution!!! Read Brian Russell's email!!!!!!!!!!!" With my email attached.
7:31 - 100th email about this.
The 100 emails came in over 20 threads with the biggest at 51 emails. About half of the emails were "take me off the list" and the other half was "Don't reply to all!". 63 of the Email's were sent between 6:40 and 7pm.
I think the owner or ITCS finally got smart and shut the group down because it's no longer coming up on the directory which is a relieving end to this Wednesday night saga. No one responded to my demands that they explain their rash emailing actions. I think that means they realized that they are idiots.
I've added my Twitter feed to my blog. It is on the left information bar. It shows all of my Twits(?) Tweets(?) Twats(?). This now gives you a reason to check my blog everyday. These will be the humorous morsels that normally don't deserve a full blog post but still are awesome. I am excited about this, and you should be too.
After I setup Google Adsense, I predicted that I would get my first 100$ check in January 2009. Well as of right now I have earned exactly 50$. So I'm nearly on pace. Unfortunately, the money flow has come to a trickle. Refer to the following graphs.
Despite the increase in hits, I am seeing a decrease in clicks per hit. I didn't even get a click in the month of June. So here is a chart of my earnings per day.
It seems that I when I blog about AdSense more people click the ads. I still have to decide what I am going to do with all of these "Internet Monies" Either way, I am making money to write about taking poops at work (which I get paid to do anyways). I'll leave you with a quote from a 9 year old.
We thought we could make money on the Internet. But while the Internet is new and exciting for creative people, it hasn't matured as a distribution mechanism to the extent that one should trade real and immediate opportunities for income for the promise of future online revenue. It will be a few years before digital distribution of media on the Internet can be monetized to an extent that necessitates content producers to forgo their fair value in more traditional media.
Tucker Max one commented that a girl "wasn't old enough to have seen all the episodes of Sienfeld". I have seen all the episodes of Seinfeld. Do you know how old I was during the shows run? Between the ages of 2 and 11. Is it that ridiculous to expect someone of my generation to have watched Seinfeld? No. Almost everyone I know has seen most episodes of a show that we were never old enough to watch in the first place.
The amount of extraneous information I have to know about TV, sports, music, world events and movies is almost overwhelming. I know who Lloyd Dobbler is. I can catch a reference about keeping heads in your Milwaukee refrigerator. I have an opinion about whether Van Halen was better with Sammy Hagar or David Lee Roth. I could tell you that Clarence Thomas once came under fire for making a comment about a pube being on a can of Coke in front of Anita Hill. I know who Clarance Thomas is. I also know that Tanya Harding's ex-husband busted up Nancy Carrigan's knee. I don't need to know any of this.
The sheer quantity of things that make up pop culture is ever increasing. In the 1970's TV's had only a couple of channels. Today, I get 300 channels. Talk about increasing my pop culture influx. Just to stay current I have to record tv shows just to watch them later. This past year it was necessary for me to watch South Park, The Office, Family Gup, The Real World, Flight of the Conchords, The Simpsons, Rock of Love II, Scrubs and every major sporting event in America. The amount of pop culture I have to know just to watch Family Guy is huge. I was one year old when Open Up and Say Ahh was released and who would of guessed that 20 years later I would find myself watching the lead singer of Poison find love on VH1. I doubt my parents ever thought I would know who Bret Michaels is. I'm not even sure if they knew who Bret Michaels was when he was famous.
Just the categories of media that qualify as pop culture is growing. If my friends found out that I didn't know who Jenna Jameson was, I would be openly mocked. Auroa Snow, Devon, Tera Patrick, Jesse Jane. I can now name over 20 NASCAR drivers. I can name 5 anchors on MSNBC, a network that didn't exist 15 years ago. My head could explode at any second.
But the biggest growth of pop culture comes from the internet. YouTube has changed the scene of pop culture. Slate.com wrote in an article
"If you haven't seen Saturday Night Live's Chronicles of Narnia rap, then you don't have any friends. Or at least any friends with Internet access."
Viral Video's have flooded the internet and are required texts for any conversation. This is where I shine. It is my pride and joy. Some people can name every REO Speedwagon album or all of the last decade's NCAA final four teams. Hell, some people have watched every Marky Mark movie (me). I though, am a champion of the internet. If there is anything funny on the internet I know about it. I have seen every viral video, read every internet comic strip, done CollegeHumor, seen every shock site, watched the most disgusting of disgusting videos*. I've been to parts of the internet most people don't even know about. If there is something on the internet I probably know about it.** If you want to know how you compare, watch the video for the new Weezer song Pork and Beans.
If you get every reference in that you can move on to the more challenging material:
In my parents generation the music that they listened to was the music of that era. No college kid in 1971 listened to records from 1934. But you'd be crazy to think that college kids today don't listen to albums from 1971 (Sticky Fingers, Who's Next, What's Going On, Masters of Reality and -oh yeah- Led Zeppelin IV). Just as kids in the 80's listen to Led Zeppelin, kids in 20 years will still probably listen to Led Zeppelin. I am almost positive that my kids will discuss Star Wars in much the same way Dante and Randal do (I really hope my kids are more Randal than Dante).
So what does this mean for the future?
I feel like at some point pop culture from the 60's and 70's will be forgotten, and I'm sure most of it has. But when will people stop listening to the Beatles? Never? Will my children's generation watch Old School like we watch Blazing Saddles? Will they watch Blazing Saddles? Will anyone know who the Beastie Boys are 30 years from now? Will any of the viral videos that I watch today still matter in 5 years? Has Numa Numa, one of the first viral videos already been forgotten? When will "More Cowbell" drop from our lexicon? Will it be around after SNL is canceled (insert joke about me thinking it already was canceled).
There is a lot of pressure on kids today to know the pop culture of the past. But there is only so much you can take in. Watching The Breakfast Club and Mighty Ducks take time. You can't fake an affinity for Bob Marley. The 1987 AFC Championship game between the Cleveland Browns and the Denver Broncos. Were all not Chuck Klosterman. I might have to come to grips that the first album I ever owned, BNL - Stunt might be as relevant in the future as Steely Dan is today.
I was raised on the internet. I've spent the past 3 years consuming it. What happens when no one remembers who LeeRoy Jenkins is? I guess I've wasted alot of my time. And boom goes the dynamite.
* Five most disgusting video's of all time: 5) Salò o le 120 giornate di Sodoma 4) Church of Fudge 3) 2 Girls one Cup 2) Pain Olympics 1) Swap.avi You can thank me for not embedding them.
** This might be one of the funnier comments ever posted in the internet:
I know you were kidding but this is actually a very good idea. I suffer from a condition called hyperhydrosis which basically means my sweat glands are like leaky faucets. I am 28 years old but I wear adult diapers (Depends™) so that the back of my pants doesn't have a streak of wetness down them. At first this was all I used them for -- to cover up the stain of my butt sweat -- but over time I learned to enjoy wearing diapers for the other benefits they confer. I can pee in public. I can be speaking to somebody and I can literally pee my pants, and nobody has to know but me. There are very few things quite as stimulating as unloading my bladder into soft cottony absorbent material and letting my penis swim around in urine for a while before everything is absorbed. Yesterday I was talking to a woman I have a crush on and I peed myself, and it was the most erotic thing that ever happened to me. I tried pooping in them once but it was a horrible mess to clean up and it smelled bad :(
