Turbulence

I love watching movies where you can get lost in the magic of the story. A film so entertaining, you completely lose sight of whether these events could (or would) actually happen in real life. I sometimes struggle hush the "well... that's not accurate" thoughts in my head during a movie, and to ignore obvious plot holes. I think the more you know about the subject, the harder it is to get lost in the story as you know the subject too well to overlook the unrealistic aspects.

Last night I watched The Hunt For Red October again. It's one of my favorites. Having spent nearly my entire career working for the Navy, and having spent several years working with submarines, I find it to be really easy to get lost in the story. The plot is believable, the dialog is realistic, the uniforms and ranks are correct (it's amazing how many movies mess that up), and the sets seem authentic. I'm sure someone who served aboard submarines would notice more inaccuracies. I mean sure, it's a mystery how the CO of the Dallas is able to communicate to a Russian in Morse Code. I assume Capt Ramias has to not only know english Morse code, but also then be able to translate it to Russian? It also seems odd that the CO of the Dallas would bring his Sonar Tech to board the Red October, but not his Master at Arms? That is pretty hard to explain.

But all of these are small details, and can be overlooked. What can't be overlooked is this scene at the beginning of the film.

Yes, that is Jack Ryan explaining to a flight attendant the concept of turbulence. It clouds the whole movie for me, as I spend the whole rest of the film trying to figure how a flight attendant has never heard of turbulence. Given the realism of the rest of the film, I have to take this to mean that turbulence wasn't generally known of when this film was released in 1990. If I went back in time to 1989, would anyone know what turbulence is? From watching The Hunt for Red October, I have to suspect that they would not.

Now I can only explain how a flight attendant would not know of turbulence with three theories.

1) When the movie was released in 1990 the concept of turbulence was known of, but no one knew the technical name for it (not even flight attendants) and it is understandable that a flight attendant would not have known the technical name for turbulence until the name is explained by Jack Ryan. Through the popularity of the film, the general public came to learn the technical name for turbulence.

2) Prior to 1990 the concept of turbulence was completely unknown by the general public and even those in the aviation industry. Plane turbulence was considered to just be the plane shaking or strong wind.

3) This is something that is unique to the fictional "Ryanverse". The general public has always known of turbulence and the name for it long before 1990, and if I went back in time to 1989 everyone would know what turbulence is. The fictional universe of Jack Ryan is an exact mirror of our universe with two exceptions, a) it contains Jack Ryan and b) no one has heard of turbulence.

Now, I suppose there is another angle to this. The film was released in 1990, but was actually set in 1985, so in theory the concept or name of turbulence could be so new to the general public, that this is a device to give realism the the viewer that the film is actually set back in 1985. It would be similar to a film that released today but set in 2005 referencing that no one knows what a "Bucket List" is, since that term didn't exist prior to the release of the 2008 film The Bucket List. But even if that's the case, I must ask... did no one (including flight attendants) know about turbulence in 1985?

Top 5 College Football Teams I Love to Watch Lose

Nothing beats the joy of your team winning, but a close second is the joy of watching a team you hate lose to another opponent. The Germans call it schadenfreude. But I've recently realized that I enjoy watching certain teams lose for uniquely different reasons. I've come to the conclusion that my joy of watching other teams lose is unique and complex and should be shared with the world. So here are my current top-5 teams that I enjoy watch losing.

1) Ohio State

I hate everything about Ohio State and love it when they lose. This one is 75% blind hatred, but there is also a 25% joy of watching them lose is that in it might directly help Michigan. An Ohio State loss might improve Michigan's chances of winning a three-way tie in the B1G East. This is the most practical reason on the entire list. In past years I would have said that I also enjoyed watching them lose because I hated Jim Tressel and Urban Myer and the hypocrisy they represented. But I don't really hate Ryan Day he seems a bit annoying but overall a fine dude, but they are still a clear #1.

2) Michigan State

For as long as I can remember watching MSU lose was great because of their fan meltdowns. They have the shittiest fans with the biggest inferiority complex of any power 5 program. But a new reason to love watching them lose has emerged. They went out and gave their coach a $95 Million Dollar fully guaranteed contract - for a guy who had a 16-14 career coaching record. MSU took a guy with a mediocre record and made him one of the highest paid coaches in the country. I want him to fail. Not because I have anything against Mel Tucker, good for him for taking advantage of MSU being super dumb. I just want to prove how dumb it is to take a guy with such a flimsy record and give him $95 million dollars.

You'll note that I don't include the same rationale of wanting them to lose to because it might help Michigan. I guess I just don't ever think of them in that way.

3) Alabama

I loved watching Bama go down to Tennessee today. But it's solely because they've been so good for so long. It's like rooting against the Yankees. When you've made 7 of 8 CFPs, you're easy to root against. I think for a long time I also disliked Nick Saban, but over the years I think I've grown to respect his dominance. 

4) Nebraska

This one is why I'm writing this post. For years I've taken great joy in watching Nebraska lose, and it was all because I hated Scott Frost. Michigan fans hate Scott Frost for pretty good reasons. We also don't care much for his mom. I think there was also this comparison between Scott Frost and Jim Harbaugh* especially during and after the 2020 season that both prodigal son's return weren't going to plan and both were on the Hotseat. But at the end of the 2020 season Jim Harbaugh was 49-22 at Michigan with 3 10-win seasons. Scott Frost was 12-20 at Nebraska and 5-7 in his best year. But Harbaugh was the one on the hotseat, although in fairness he had been around for longer, and still hadn't achieved many of the goals set out for him. 

Then Harbaugh made the CFP and now Scott Frost is unemployed. But here's the thing, once they fired Scott Frost all the sudden I couldn't continue to enjoy watching them lose. Scott frost getting fired brought me such joy but also sadness I could no longer enjoy watching his team lose. I now hope they return to glory to rub it in Scott Frost's face.

* This is the same issue I have with James Franklin who still gets compared to Jim Harbaugh despite their very different records.

5) Rutgers

I love watching Rutgers lose, but it doesn't really have much to do with Rutgers itself. I mean, when Chris Ash was coach I loved watching them lose because he was stupid and annoying, but that went away when they fired his ass after Michigan beat him 52-0. Instead I hope Rutgers loses every game because they should have never been allowed to join the Big Ten and they don't deserve to be part of our conference. They must perennially suck (not just in Football, but in all sports) just to show the Big Ten conference that they bring nothing of value and are pure trash - just like the state of New Jersey. Okay, maybe it does have something to do with Rutgers.

In summary:

OSU -         75% blind hatred

                   25% could help Michigan

MSU -         50% stupid fans

                   50% your massive overpayment of a mediocre coach must be punished

Bama -       100% too good for too long

Nebraska -  100% I hated Scott Frost, but now I want them to win as a Fuck You to Scott Frost.

Rutgers -     100% To show the Big Ten that they should get kicked out of the conference. 

Honorable Mention:

I hate most teams from Florida. They can all lose every game for all I care.

Brian Gets Wikipedia Eligible

 What use is a blog if you don't use it for self promotion? 

Earlier this week, I was presented the Navy Civilian Meritorious Service Award for my role in supporting the US Navy's COVID response. Getting awards is pretty cool, and now I get to wear a ribbon on my lapel, although it's doubtful that I ever will. But I could.

What's even cooler is that the current iteration of the Wikipedia article for the Navy Meritorious Civilian Service Award includes a section listing the recipients of this award. Which means, I'm eligible to be listed in the Wikipedia. What an honor that would be, and would be a proper ending to my beef with Wikipedia ever since they took down the article Ross and I wrote on Julie "The Cat" Gaffney.

I will say that the Navy probably gives out hundreds of these medals a year, and neither of the articles for the Army or the Air Force Meritorious Civilian Service Award includes a listing of recipients. So while I may not be Wikipedia eligible for long, at least for this brief moment, I'm noteworthy enough to grace the screens of Wikipedia users everywhere.

Brian's Pizza Recipe

Every recipe on the internet these days is legally required to start with a 10 paragraph essay/backstory about the food/dish. So here we go.

I'll freely admit that during the great quarantine of 2020 l, like so many other Americans, began baking at a feverous pace. But I only found I was interested in baking one thing. That thing was pizza.

It's already established that I like pizza. Even though our local pizza joint was still open during the great quar, I thought to myself "you got a 25 pound bag of flour, if you love it so much why don't you try making it you big doofus". So I did.

At first it was bad. Like inedible. But even the early bad ones made me want to try it again and see if I could make it better/edible. From the time I tried my first pie, I was hooked into pizza making. I read articles, watched videos, became a fanboy of Tom "The Dough Doctor" Lehmann (R.I.P.), and started tweaking variables. Little by little I started to hone things in. I actually kept a pizza diary that served like a chemistry notebook of sorts where I'd track things like the amount of salt I used and the output dough temperature along with how it came out and ideas of what to tweak the next week. I invested in a pizza stone, peel and a reverse spiral dough hook (a must have).

Every Friday I'd make a pizza and learn a little. Slowly I started to understand the things that seemed nebulous months before (e.g. how to judge when the dough has achieved full gluten development). My dough stretching technique got better. I experimented with different cheeses and topping strategies. I discovered that where the pizza was placed it the oven could have a major impact out the outcome depending on the pan/stone.

It was sometime towards the end of 2020 that I made my first pizza that I wouldn't have been disappointed with if I had paid for it. By mid-2021 I was making pizza that I thought was on par with the best pizza places around.

For Christmas 2020, I got a Detroit Style Pizza Pan. I found Detroit Style is a bit more forgiving, and an easier assembly than the rounds. I also benefited from eating it my entire life so I knew what it should taste like, along with the 9 months of dough making that I had under my belt already. In no time I was cranking out excellent Detroit style pizzas. I'll admit that it's not on the same level as Buddy's or Jet's but it is very good.

I think I've made well over 100 pizza's in the past 27 months, and often when eating them people ask me for the recipe. So here it is, but remember, I'm a total amateur who has no real understanding of baking sciences. For real advice ask someone who knows what they're doing, or at least has worked in a pizza place before.

Brian's Traditional Round

Dough Ingredients
Flour - 400g (I've actually not found much difference between high gluten/pizza/all purpose flour)
Yeast - 4g (1% of flour amount)
Water - 252g (63% of flour amount). Use room temperature or slightly colder water. You don't need warm or hot water to activate the yeast. It's an overnight ferment, they yeast will do their job if you trust them.
Salt - 4g (1% of flour amount)
Vegetable Oil - 8g (2% of flour amount)

Process
The night before making pizza make the dough.
1) Add all ingredients except the oil into the mixer bowl (I use a stand mixer). I recommend starting with the water for better mixing.
2) Turn on the stand mixer using a spiral dough hook and let it run on the lowest setting until all the flour is hydrated and the dough has picked up nearly everything off the bottom/side of the mixer bowl into a big blob.
3) Turn off the mixer and let the dough rest for 10-30 minutes depending on how busy you are. When you come back, you should pinch the dough and already see it starting to get doughy and stretchy as those gluten bonds start forming and aligning.
4) Add the oil. I make a little hole like you do in mashed potatoes before adding the gravy. That way it just doesn't coat the bowl making the dough a slide around the bowl.
5) Continue mixing on the lowest speed for about 10 minutes. Once you make a few you'll notice when the dough gets nice and smooth and you've achieved full gluten development. You should be able to stretch it thin enough to see light coming through without it tearing.
6) Pat into a smooth doughball and put it in a covered container. Put it in the fridge until it's pizza time the next day. I don't coat my dough in any oil during the overnight ferment, I did this for awhile and then stopped and didn't notice any difference.
7) Take the dough out a few hours before making the pizza to let it relax and get up to room temperature.
8) Watch a YouTube video on how to open a dough ball into a pizza and then do what they do. 
9) Assemble the pizza with sauce, cheese and toppings. Put the toppings that need to cook the most (mushrooms, green peppers and onions) on top. I used to use a peel and pizza stone but had too many issues transferring between the two, I went back to using a steel pan with holes in the bottom which seems to work pretty well.
10) Bake in a 500 degree oven for 8 minutes or until cheese has brown spots and the crust is golden brown. If the bottom of the crust is too brown, try putting a baking sheet on the rack below, or moving the pizza to the top of the oven. If it's too soft and white, move it to the bottom directly above the heat source. Convection ovens seem to work well too.

Sauce
My wife makes the sauce using a recipe she found online. I don't know that it is or how she does it. So I guess that's the secret ingredient and why your pizza will never be as good as mine. Try adding a bit of black pepper for some extra zest. Seriously.

Cheese
This is open to preference, but I've found the best cheese to be a mix of about 75% mozzarella, and 25% Munster. The Munster really adds a nice nuanced flavor, especially on a white pizza where the cheese takes center stage.

Toppings
Do your thing.

Brian's Detroit Style Pizza
Essentially the same as the round with one major difference - for the amount of water use 68% of the flour weight instead of 63%, I'll also sometimes add a bit extra yeast. It should really rise and double in size. Put the dough in the Detroit style pizza pan (A Detroit style pan from Lloyd's is a must) at least an hour before baking and stretch it to the edges/corners every 10 minutes or so. Remember; dough, then cheese to the edges (for that nice crispy crust), then toppings, then sauce. Bake 24 minutes at 425.

Brian's Breadsticks
Use the traditional round dough recipe, but I usually half it to around 200g of flour. Take the doughball and press it out to a 5x7 rectangle. Use a dough scraper/cutter to cut into 10-12 pieces. Gently roll them and put them on a pan. Cook on an upper rack at 425 for 5 minutes or until golden brown. Once cooked, melt some butter in a small dish and add a shake or two of garlic salt to the butter. Brush on the butter mixture and then liberally apply grated parmesan cheese. For a real kick to the mouth add some powdered ranch dressing seasoning.

Pizza Gallery
Here's some pictures of my pizza making progression from March 2020 until now. They are in reverse order, so they get generally worse as you scroll down.