Impressive huh?
A few weeks ago I was walking up to Gayle "The Hailstorm" Lawyerlady's office to discuss how dumb Wilson White is. I was walking by Shady Phi (the frat with the volleyball court in their yard) and I noticed that their grill was on fire. There was a dude on their porch who was wearing a backpack who I assumed was doing something about the fire. What he was doing was throwing things onto the fire that normally don't put fires out. Like big plastic trash cans. A few of the people on the sidewalk started looking at each other and wondering why this guy was fueling a fire right next to the house. I told everyone "I got this" and whipped out the old cellular and called the police. While I was talking to the police the guy started drinking all of the leftover beer on the porch and then walked away, this lead me to believe he was a bum. I waited for a couple of minutes for the frat bros to come out or the fire department to show up but since neither seemed to happen I just walked over and put the fire out myself by pulling off the burning parts and throwing them in the lawn. Don't worry I didn't use my firehose. Eventually the fire department showed up and the frat dudes came out and I got to be the hero. I didn't really care about the frat that much seeing as they already had their pipes burst over winter break. But I did find out later that if the house had burned down they could have rebuilt it into a much nicer house, so take that greek system!
Later that day the cops called me and told me that they had captured the guy. I think it was because of my awesome description of a scruffy guy in khakis and wearing a backpack. Later they asked me to be the lead witness in a felony arson case against the guy. If there is one thing I love more than blogging it is putting this nations homeless behind bars. I gladly said I would be there and told my boss that I had been subpoenaed which I think they had to believe because who would make that up?
Today I showed up in court ready to nail this homeless bastard. But before I got my chance to tell of that fateful day the judge decided that the bum should get a psychiatric evaluation because he might not be fit to stand trial. All this means is that there will be another hearing. But the good news is that you get paid to be a witness, even if the case doesn't end up going to trial. So I made $11. Plus I have the future opportunity to make another $11. Which doesn't really compare to the opportunity cost of going to work all afternoon today.
So when the future date arrives I will be sure to let you know how long I'm putting him away for. I hope they don't give him the chair, I wouldn't want that weighing on my mind.
5 comments:
1) Congrats on the victory in the below post. Well-deserved. Good fight.
2) I could be wrong b/c I've never been subpoenaed, but I would think your company should pay for your time. They pay for jury duty, so I don't see the difference. Of course, just trying to help you remove the opportunity cost of working here...
Your second point was really interesting and I looked into it. Apparently in the state of Michigan it is not required to pay for absence do to court order although many employers do pay employees for jury duty.
The University of Michigan (my employer) addresses this in the staff handbook "If you are called for jury duty or to testify at the order of a court, you will be excused from your job without loss of pay or benefits."
It is further detailed in this memo http://spg.umich.edu/pdf/201.29.pdf
So tomorrow I will have to go to work and tell them that I expect to be paid for the shift that I missed.
Thanks Brian for pointing that out, otherwise I would have never known. I owe you a beer.
What a great story.
Probably for the best you didn't take out your firehose. Getting a UIP on Frat property would gain you admission to a very large, very undesirable club.
Apparently because I am a temporary employee I do not qualify for jury/witness pay. So I spent some serious time investigating it all for naught.
I don't know how I can work at a place for three years and still be a temp employee. Actually I do, but still.
Brian I think now you owe me a beer, haha.
Ah, you got my hopes up. Good work investigating, you should consider law for a career with all this experience you're racking up.
As for the beer: OK, how about an even switch? We'll just owe each other. Next time you and me are in A2...
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