SBD

After my highly successful SB07 and FLASB08 I will again be SBing starting today.

I will be joining 18 other potential drunks on a booze cruise to the Bahamas. It is not going to be safe, and we are cruising at our own risk of falling off the boat.

It is most enjoyable to spend the three nights prior to Spring Break at the bar to get into drinking shape for such a glorious event.

But it is almost as important to look super ripped when you're on the beach trying to impress the cougars. So 5 weeks ago I started my SBD (Spring Break Diet). Now it is well known that the best way to lose weight is through diet and exercise, but exercise takes times and sucks. But on the other hand simply not eating for 5 weeks gives you much more time to do other activities, and saves assloads of money. So I've been starving myself for awhile now, and the results are mediocre. Plus the great thing about this diet, is that you get drunk really easily. And when you're drinking on an empty stomach, it is really easy to get drunk, which means that you spend less money, and don't get all those beer calories.

But I knew that just not eating wasn't the ticket, so I borrowed a lesson from my knowledge of drinking. Everyone knows that when you go out drinking, once you break the seal and pee, you keep having to pee. And from what I have learned from sitting in on Med School lectures is that this is because alcohol is a poison and your body tries to flush it out by diluting itself with water. Which is why you always wake up dehydrated after a night of ripping shots and singing Neil Diamond karaoke. But if you already have a full bladder your body cannot process any more water so it keeps the water in your system. But once you pee your body can process that excess water and it do so rapidly, so that you have to pee again quickly. This is also why some people say that you don't feel the buzz until you've pissed on a hydrangea in an alley.

So if you're body can't process water until it has an empty bladder to store it, is it possible that you're body can't process food until it also has an empty place to store it? I think so. So if your body can't process the food and make it into poo, then it has to store it as rolls of fatty fat fatso. So the other trick to losing weight is to keep your poo storage area empty. Or for the simpleton, shit all the time. Now I wasn't the type of guy who would just take a shit every week, mostly because that takes up time. But once I stopped eating I had much more time to poop, and I made sure I pooped all of the time. Plus, it was nice to visualize my weight loss as I saw more poop exit me than food entered me. Trust me, I am a certified dietitian, and poo expert.

So that is positively the best and safest way to lose 2.3 pound over 5 weeks. Now I have to drive to Flordia. Updates when I get back in a week!