The Great Shirt Purge

I hope you already familiar with my attempts to improve my shirt situation.

Today the pole that I hang my shirts on broke, again. This is because I have too many shirts, but my previous efforts had proved successful, and my most worn shirts were on the right side of my closet.

I had recently come to the conclusion that the 80/20 rule applies to my apparel selection and usage. 80% of my shirt wearage comes from 20% of my shirts. So that means that I have lots of shirts I don't wear often, so I decided that I would get rid of some of them and give them away or donate them to charity (i.e. leave them in the front yard of the box house). So being an engineer I first had to inventory all of my shirts then eliminate. Here is a breakdown.





Some other points of note. I have 14 University of Michigan shirts, and I am keeping 12 of them. I am also keeping all 8 of my Box shirts. I kept both of my novelty sport jackets, but cut one of my two robes. I kept my jumpsuit and reflective vest, and my Markley Shirt just for Forest. I've also noticed that about 10% of my shirts came from Salvation Army and thrift stores.

So now I have all of my shirts organized within my closet, and I keep all of the empty hangars on the right side. While I was finishing up, I realized that I had done the first 4 of the 5 S's of lean manufacturing, Set In Order, Sort, Shine and Standardize. Now all I need to do is Sustain.

Now my problem is that I have all of these shirts that I don't want. I really don't want to have my Russell Reunion, IOE Bar Crawl and Lahser High School homecoming shirts sitting at Salvo. And I have spent 3 and a half years acquiring some of the best novelty clothes ware, that unfortunately I don't think I will have many more chances to wear. I've spent months badgering sorority girls to give me extra small sorority shirts, I don't want to see them gone. So if you want any of my sweet shirts, I plan on leaving them on the front dirt patch of the Box house in the next few days, anything that is left will go to Salvo or Value World.

SBD

After my highly successful SB07 and FLASB08 I will again be SBing starting today.

I will be joining 18 other potential drunks on a booze cruise to the Bahamas. It is not going to be safe, and we are cruising at our own risk of falling off the boat.

It is most enjoyable to spend the three nights prior to Spring Break at the bar to get into drinking shape for such a glorious event.

But it is almost as important to look super ripped when you're on the beach trying to impress the cougars. So 5 weeks ago I started my SBD (Spring Break Diet). Now it is well known that the best way to lose weight is through diet and exercise, but exercise takes times and sucks. But on the other hand simply not eating for 5 weeks gives you much more time to do other activities, and saves assloads of money. So I've been starving myself for awhile now, and the results are mediocre. Plus the great thing about this diet, is that you get drunk really easily. And when you're drinking on an empty stomach, it is really easy to get drunk, which means that you spend less money, and don't get all those beer calories.

But I knew that just not eating wasn't the ticket, so I borrowed a lesson from my knowledge of drinking. Everyone knows that when you go out drinking, once you break the seal and pee, you keep having to pee. And from what I have learned from sitting in on Med School lectures is that this is because alcohol is a poison and your body tries to flush it out by diluting itself with water. Which is why you always wake up dehydrated after a night of ripping shots and singing Neil Diamond karaoke. But if you already have a full bladder your body cannot process any more water so it keeps the water in your system. But once you pee your body can process that excess water and it do so rapidly, so that you have to pee again quickly. This is also why some people say that you don't feel the buzz until you've pissed on a hydrangea in an alley.

So if you're body can't process water until it has an empty bladder to store it, is it possible that you're body can't process food until it also has an empty place to store it? I think so. So if your body can't process the food and make it into poo, then it has to store it as rolls of fatty fat fatso. So the other trick to losing weight is to keep your poo storage area empty. Or for the simpleton, shit all the time. Now I wasn't the type of guy who would just take a shit every week, mostly because that takes up time. But once I stopped eating I had much more time to poop, and I made sure I pooped all of the time. Plus, it was nice to visualize my weight loss as I saw more poop exit me than food entered me. Trust me, I am a certified dietitian, and poo expert.

So that is positively the best and safest way to lose 2.3 pound over 5 weeks. Now I have to drive to Flordia. Updates when I get back in a week!

Internet Celebrity or Campus Legend

I find myself getting recognized by people more and more it usually goes like this:

Hey, your the kid who:
-Goes insane at basketball games
-Drives a bus like a maniac
-Plays beer pong outside Box house in 14 degree weather
-Slams poetry
-Drinks heavily at the hockey games
-Some story about me being a drunk from years past.

Those are fine but the ones that really surprise me is when I meet someone at a party and once I tell them my name they go "Do you have a blog?" I've met several people who know me solely through this hot hot blog. So this one is to you, random people who read this blog but don't directly know me. I am your neighbor, lend me some sugar.

But what I like the most is when I recognize myself. On Thursday I woke up and was watching the Big Ten Network while brushing my teeth. I was watching it through the mirror above the sink, when all of the sudden I saw myself on BTN through the mirror. I turned around it was a close up of me dancing at one of the games. I was like "I know that guy, hell, I AM that guy."

To Being an Undergrad

14 credits. 7 actual credits. My life revolves around having fun. I got really sick after my adventure to Kalamazoo, so this is what my life is like.

Tuesday:
Skip out of class about half an hour early to make it down to Bar Louie for my traditional Tuesday festivities. Post pints and burgers we made the pilgrimage down to Super Liquor IV with no clear intentions in mind. Unlike last time when we made a house trip, with 7 people in 3 cars all descending on SLIV. I did pick up a fifth of Wild Turkey - American Honey which I discovered through my couz Shawn.

Wednesday:
I don't think I did much, maybe because it is surrounded by drunkenness.

Thursday:
Got the important text from Gusto that there were $0.50 shots and $1 beers at the Cantina starting at 5 PM. It's Cinqo de Montho, and every 5th of the month they do a progressive pricing scheme that goes up by $0.50 every hour, until they reach $2.50. Next month it will be on the 5th of March which just so happens to by my birthday, so we will see how that goes. So I meet up with gusto and one of his buddies. We rip shots for an hour and then I head down to the basketball game.

At the game I almost got kicked out. I stand directly behind the opposing bench and spend most of my time telling the other coach to "SHUT UP!". I was being a rowdy drunk. But eventually the game ended with a big win. Afterwards I went home and dropped some High Life. But my night was just beginning. I called one of my high school friends who now knows the benefits of the Dvorak keyboard (Very obscure WTF reference, (as was the WTF reference) I will tribute you 1,000 gold for figuring it out). Anyways I went over to her place for some pre-gaming. Drank a bud heavy and a margarita and then we went to Rick's. Going to Rick's with 5 girls on Ladies night it the coolest thing that will ever be done. I danced and danced and danced and danced. The ladies and their comptroller (me) then went to the Cantina for some obscure reason. Probably because the females were hungry from all that bumping and Brian grinding. So I ordered some shots. Never start you're night ripping tequila shots and then end your night blamming (new word) more tequila shots. You will end up making bad decisions, like taking a cab home with a girl but then going home anyways. Then you will go home and decide that you want to not only listen to Janis Joplin's stupendous cover of Me and Bobby McGee, but also want to blog about it. You will then end up leaving it on and passing out, and then wake up 10 hours later with the song still playing on repeat and not knowing why until you read you're own blog. Believe me, it's actually not a horrible thing to have happen. Maybe tequila shots get a bad rap. Because Mexicans are terrible rappers.

Friday:
After adventures in Thursday, I actually had a very important group meeting for my senior design that I was still quite sauced for. Before my afternoon meeting I stopped home only to find my roommates throwing a mid-day birthday party for our roommate who was turning 21. And to clarify, birthday party means 4 dudes buying a quarter barrel and sitting on our couch watching outdoor anal porn and discussing the finer aspects of it with the roommate whose birthday it was being no where in sight. Very deep conversation. So I dropped a couple of Gargoyles and went to my afternoon business. I got home around 4 to find that the party had moved outside to a little game of outdoor beer pong in 18 degree (that's Fahrenheit for my mass German following) weather. While playing outdoor beer pong in 18 degree weather and only wearing a short sleeved Hawaiian shirt, my childhood boy scout leader walked by, and I got a chance shake his much warmer hand.

So me and my roommate Brick went to the hockey game. We actually had some free tickets. But when we go to a game we bring our friends. For this game our friends were a pint of Ezra Brooks, an orange juice full of vodka, and 3 cans of the Champagne of Beers. Our friends who I sit usually bring their friends Evan Williams and Jack. You would recognize them in an instant. Even 5 gallons of whisky water cannot beat having a cold beer while watching a game at Yost. Fun game too, but that's for another post.

So afterwards our friends were having a party. It was Luau, but for some reason had Peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup. I didn't complain, but did teach some noobs how to tap and poor a keg with a faulty tap. It resulted in a whopping four (4) IV facebook friend requests for me. So yeah, I'm pretty much a player, even if some of those were dudes.

Saturday:
The day started as a backlog of my 2 day hangover. The day progressed to me drinking and watching the basketball game at our neighbors house. Then my roommate Peter and I decided to take the 50 foot trip to Cliff Keen arena for the men's gymnastic meet to do whatever you do at a gymnastic meet. Gymnastics are kinda boring when there aren't hot gymnastic girls to oogle. So Peter and I went all the way back home (across the street) and pounded some beers and then went to the hockey game. Didn't pay, fun game. Same shit, different night. Afterwards our Peter and I went home for a beer break and then to our friend Juanita's house for her birthday and then over to the bars.

We started at the Jug where it was one of those "I know everyone in this bar" feelings. Our gorgeous neighbors where there. Our luau friends were there. Our tailgating friends were there. My other friends were there (you know them right?). Peter and I decided to do a pitcher race. Some other friends showed up and soon it seemed like everyone was heading to Rick's (Not again!). But Rick's, being Rick's, is actually a lot of fun when go with 20 people and get to dance with your hotty neighbors.

But no one wants to read a blog post about a dude going to Rick's, and in my sub-conscious I knew this and decided to take action. I grabbed the ultimate drinking partner in a friend named John. The same friend who started off the best night of my life, last 4th of July (Blog post is classified). We head up to the Cantina, to you know, talk to chicks. The only problem is that we get there at 1:48. That leaves us 12 minutes of legal drinking time. So I open a tab, for the next 12 minutes. We grab same tequila shots because I didn't learn my lesson from Thursday. But our only problem is we got the 2 AM cutoff but we didn't want to stop drinking so we managed to get some extra drinks. I can't go into much detail, but that's why I go drinking with my friend John. Our friend Craig shows up and takes a seat next to us at the bar. He then passes out at his bar stool, but I don't want to take care of him so I delegate the task to a super hawt girl who tries to keep him awake and gets him a water. Of course Craig snaps out of it right after the girl walks away. Dammit Craig! So now we spend our time talking to the ladies. Eventually my extra drinks kick in and I decide it's time for me to leave. But I don't just walk home. I wander over to the daig and in front of the block M, I started to Salute every building and gave a speech about the U in the middle of the daig to no one. Then I went over to the Law Quad and did the same thing. It was pretty cool to me. I made it home to find that our house had been destroyed by Brick and I passed out. When I awoke I realized that no matter how much I drink I am still a smart guy because before I passed out I wrote down the vitals of one of the girls who's number I got at the bar. It reads:

red vest
named Clair

Hot!

So we will have to see where that leads. I don't know how I manage to live my life, but I love it. I wrote this so that someday when my life sucks, I can look back and see how awesome I must be. Also I wrote this because I need you to know how awesome I am. Also, I'm still drunk.

If you're going to hook up....

Please do it to Janis Joplin's cover of Me and Bobby McGee.

I actually have a hook-up playlist that someday I will publish, but that is the quintessential song. Well in between a lot of Al Green and Meatloaf.

Oriental Express

I frequently dine at Oriental Express. It's not because it is good food. In fact Oriental Express is very mediocre. I eat there because it is very cheap and because it is a very close. For $4.25 I can get sesame chicken, fried rice and an egg roll. That would cost $7.35 at Panda Express. The value is part of why I go there.

The other reason I go there is to keep them in business. I like to see local restaurants succeed. Every time I go in there, I am the only patron, and I would be disappointed if they went out of business.

So I don't eat Oriental Express because it is good, I eat it because it is cheap and close by.

Post College Plan 6

In about 3 months I will graduate college and supposedly become a productive member of the work force. This scares me. I really don't want to wake up everyday at 7 AM and go to a job for 8 hours. To avoid this I have be thinking of ways that I can still do whatever I want but not be forced to work 48 weeks a year.

I get my big break. My Lloyd Dobbler "dare to be great" situation. I make a novelty invention and then I can really live the Peter Gibbons dream. Here are my first two ideas.

1) Build a laser pointer into a remote control. So when you're watching the TV and you want to point something out onscreen you can simply point to it and hold down a button and bring attention to the guy in the background that totally looks like Newman.

2) The concealing beer coozy. This one is great for places with open intoxicant laws. It would be a thin coozy with a metal outer sheath that would be printed to look like a can of Coke. Thus reducing suspicion, and probable cause.

I have a few more of these, such as an umbrella that also covers a friend/backpack. They come to me, and if I don't write them down I forget them in a few days.

Playing through the pain

At the start of the weekend I began to get the feeling that I was getting sick.

Yesterday I woke up on the floor of a smoke filled apartment with 2 cats that I am allergic to. This apartment was also in Kalamazoo. This made me feel even more sick.

So I decided that I would go to the hockey game that night, and try to feel better. But my friends that go to the hockey games like to drink. So during the first intermission we were at my house shotgunning beers and refilling our flasks. We drank all through the game and then afterwords went to the Jug. The jug has a new stamp. I always liked the old one. Then I blacked out.

I woke up this morning in by bed, wearing all of my clothes. I have a big bump on my head, and a Rick's stamp.

So much for taking it easy. And tonight is the Super Bowl.