November 22, 2005

It was a Tuesday. I'll never forget that. Freshmen year Tuesday nights weren't typically ones that produced blogable content. Mostly because I didn't have a blog back then. But this Tuesday was the last day of class before Thanksgiving. I still had a paper and a take home chemistry quiz due the next day but that was on the back of my mind as the noise from the garbage truck woke me up at 7:30 AM. What was on my mind was the Math 115 mid-term that I had that evening. Despite taking the class in high school as an AP I still felt woefully unprepared. I guess that's the way I felt before every exam , but after three months at college I didn't realize it yet. Being a very common Freshmen course it seemed like everyone in in my hall had the exam that night.

It was the type of exam that people didn't talk about on the way home. No one had finished the test early, and we all scrambled to get answers down at the end. As we walked back to the dorms in groups or threes and fours no one wanted to hear about problems that they were unsure of. As exams ended and a mass of freshmen began returning to their 10x11 cells, the only topic of conversation that floated through the Diag was about how blind-asshole drunk everyone was planning to get that night.

In the dorms I always snuck in 30-packs of cheap beer in an athletic bag. But since I had planned on having a few people over to celebrate the Thanksgiving break I went classy and sprung for longnecks.

A perfectly stocked dorm room mini-fridge

A couple of friends came over and we had about 8 people kicking back in the dorm room. With the lofts 8 people was about the maximum that could fit comfortably. When we got creative we could fit 20 people into a 110 Sq. Ft. dorm room party. Eventually we decided to play one of our favorite tailgate drinking games: Thunderstruck. For those unfamiliar it's basically a game where you stand in a circle with AC/DC's Thunderstruck on and one person drinks until they say the word "thunderstruck" and then the person to the left drinks until the next "thunderstruck". So beer gets chugged for the duration of the song. I have a picture of it, but this is after 2 people dropped out because they couldn't handle it, and Mark ran for the bathroom because he got caught with both solos.

Now that we were good and drunk, word got around that some of our upperclassmen friends were having a Thanksgiving shindig. We decided to brave the cold to go down to the party on the other side of campus. I remember feeling slightly out of place, and quite under dressed. But those qualms were quickly forgotten about when a super-senior named Elliott handed me a bottle of everclear and told me to chase with mashed potatoes. From there it was darkness.

I awoke the next morning in a dorm room that wasn't my own. The bed was around 9 feet off the ground. I had no idea how I got up there in my condition, but I knew I needed to get down. I felt like I hadn't had a drink of water in days. I climbed down and staggered down the hall sporting just a pair of boxers. I burst into the nearest bathroom which was ladies only, and proceeded to puke in the sink in front of several girls. Not to mind that it was 10 AM on a Wednesday, I looked around at all the girls staring at me and simply said "This isn't where I parked my car" and walked out. I soon came to realize that I was without my room key which explained why I awoke in a foreign bedroom. I could have asked my RA to let me in, but alas he would have opened the door to this scene:


So I spent the next day in a sort of hungover walk-of-shame. Finishing my paper, closing out a memo with my engineering 100 team, turning in a chem quiz and packing up to go home. I've read that college freshmen know if they are going to make it by Thanksgiving, and then fake it until Christmas before they drop out. By Thanksgiving Freshmen year, I knew it could make it, and by Christmas I knew I never wanted to go home.

The Futon

Futons are a lot like fruitcakes. You are never the first person to own it and you're never the last. At least that's what I learned about fruitcakes from sitcoms. Moving into college freshmen year, my sister told me I could take the futon they had at their house. She had gotten the futon by finding it on the street and taking it back to her house. No one knows the history before then.

After getting a new pad for it, we moved it into our freshmen year dorm room. My roommate very quickly decided that he would rather sleep on it then in his bed. Every weekend he and his smokin' hot roommate would sleep on the futon and his buddy from north campus would sleep on his bed. For some reason everyone called his friend "Boner". I enjoyed that.

The futon and the two unofficial roommates

We were on the last floor to get block furniture, so every room on our hall had futons. Sometimes while I was skipping my 1pm Chem 130 lecture, I would go futon hopping on the hall just chilling with whomever was around.

Later that year, I found myself in an opportunity to have local Ann Arbor band Tally Hall film a video on my Futon. That made my futon an internet sensation. I wouldn't even become an internet sensation for another 11 months. I've embedded the video for you're enjoyment.


That summer I moved the futon into my sophomore year house. I spent the next year sleeping on the futon. It was some of the worse sleep that I ever got. But that year the futon got some great stories attached to it.

My room sophomore year. Total college.

I have no idea who these girls are sitting on my futon. It was sometime sophomore year. Can anyone can tell me why these two girls are on my futon? I'm bamboozled.

Same story goes for these girls. Man, college all seems like a blur.

Probably my favorite futon picture. That was sometime after a football game. Perhaps the one where Fritz broke into his own house in a stupor.

Eventually the futon made it's way back home to my house for some repairs. Its legacy continued as it graced my little sisters dorm room. It still exists and continues its glory in her off campus house. Lots of hours, hundreds of friends and a few other things went down on that futon. It was a big part of my first two years of college.

Brian Wins a Bet

It was the bet of much lore. But today I can finally put it to rest. The bet was issued two years ago when Michigan Basketball was in the midst of one the worst season even by their mild standards. It was midway into a late night session at the Jug and I was arguing with Mark about how good the Michigan Basketball team would be 2 years from now. Mark firmly believed that we would be a top 4 seed in 2010 while I disagreed. I told him that if we were a top 4 seed that I would change my name to Dumpster baby. I even wrote about it in this here blog.

So back in 2008 I decided to send myself an email in the future to remind me about the bet. Today that E-Mail arrived.

Dear 2010 Brian,

2 years ago you bet Mark Ausborn that Michigan Basketball would not be a top 4 seed in the NCAA tournament within the next two seasons or you would change your name to Dumpster Baby. Well, now its time to check. Odds are they are still terrible, or that you've already lost another bet and changed your name to Dumpster Baby. This is totally blogable.

Also remember to punch Pete in the balls. No real reason.

Hugs and Kisses,
2008 Brian

So let's see just how wrong Mark was. Michigan is 13-15 overall and 6-10 in Big Ten play. They are not even on the bubble to make the tourney, and definitely not a 4-seed. My prediction was spot on. Although at the beginning of the season when they were ranked in the top 15 and returning most of their 2009 tourney team I was a little nervous.

This was totally blogable. Now I'm off to punch Pete in the balls.

Picture Memories - Orientation

I'm going to start putting up some pictures that I have from college and maybe snippets or stories of their relevance over the best 4 years of my life.

To start:
Orientation

This is one of the few Pictures I have from orientation. It is my Friend Paul with the very fist girl we met in our Post-High School lives. It always amazed me about how the people you meet at orientation you will actually know throughout college. Like Marky Marky. He was the second dude we met at orientation and since the first one was also named Mark, he became Marky Mark. We would always tell each other about Marky Mark sighting for the next four years until one time at a party we walked in and Evan said "Hey Marky Mark is here!" and he came up to us and said verbatim "Don't call me that".

The story of my orientation took me to a party at the Box house which 2 years later I would move into. The pistons had just won game 3 of the NBA finals and I did my first straight pull of vodka. I also blacked out and dropped trou in the middle of the party. Eventually I ended up in this position.

I had to be driven back to my sisters house, which was only 6 houses up the block. I was woken up at 7:30 lying on a tile bathroom floor and covered in my own vomit. I didn't even have time to go back to East Quad because my enrollment appointment was at 8AM on North Campus. I showed up smelling of alcohol and covered in puke, the advisor took one look at me and sighed.

On the way home from orientation, I knew that I was going to have a hell of a next 4 years.

Work Emails 1

I work with mosty engineers that are about my age. It's amazing to see how quickly emails can go from innocent, professional emails to any direction we decide to take them. Best to start from the bottom.

-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan
Sent: Friday, February 12, 2010 2:29 PM
To: Sara; Brian
Subject: RE: ESB 1st floor square footage

I like the direction that conversation went. Well done.

-----Original Message-----
From: Sara
To: Jonathan; Brian
Subject: RE: ESB 1st floor square footage

OMG!!!!!!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan
To: Brian; Sara
Subject: RE: ESB 1st floor square footage

I have nipples Brussels, can you milk me?

-----Original Message-----
From: Brian
To: Sara; Jonathan
Subject: RE: ESB 1st floor square footage

You can milk anything with nipples.

-----Original Message-----
From: Sara
To: Brian; Jonathan
Subject: RE: ESB 1st floor square footage

Like for breast milk, with a pump...it's weird

-----Original Message-----
From: Brian
To: Sara; Jonathan
Subject: RE: ESB 1st floor square footage

Describe this "boob pumping"

-----Original Message-----
From: Sara
To: Jonathan; Brian
Subject: RE: ESB 1st floor square footage

I wasn't sure if you meant like to do construction to put a door on the outside or something. I've never seen anyone use the couch...oh wait yes I have. The one girl used to pump her boob in there...HAHAHAHA so funny

-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan
To: Sara; Brian
Subject: RE: ESB 1st floor square footage

I was 100% joking about an office. I think that would violate like 10 codes. And, you'd want headphones in like all the time.

-----Original Message-----
From: Sara
To: Jonathan; Brian
Subject: RE: ESB 1st floor square footage

There is a couch in there, but I don't think it would be big enough for an office. It would be crazy small, almost like a closet.

-----Original Message-----
From: Jonathan
To: Brian; Sara
Subject: ESB 1st floor square footage

B-Russ,

Attached is the square footage of all the rooms (excluding non-office areas) on the 1st floor of ESB. I got this information from the AutoCAD file (not the incorrect Visio file layout. I just used Visio because I could enter in the values). The square footage values are in (RED).

I will work on the 2nd floor next.

Sara,

See the "possible office" attachment. Regarding the gray area- what is this mysterious room in the girl's restroom? Are there couches?

More importantly, could we turn it into an office?

That is all, for now.

Whistler Weekend

One of the questions asked in my job interview was "Do you ski or snowboard?".
I replied, "Yes I was on my high school Ski Team"
"Good, because were going to Whister in January."

This past weekend was what has become the legendary Whistler Weekend. I had heard much lore about previous weekends involving a Major in the US Marines, a coffee pot and Red Bull + Vodka. Luckily being just out of college I knew I could keep up with these fools who had a couple of years on me.

We took Friday off work and drove up. The drive up on the Sea to Sky highway was absolutely stunning. The 11 of us were in a condo right by the village that had a Hot Tub. We were close enough we could walk to the the base. The accommodations were nice. We got up there around 5 and immediately started drinking. We had bought some stuff at the duty free on the way up. Duty free is legit, I got 2 fifths of Beefeater for $20 and a fifth of Bacardi Select for $15. Once I started drinking I forgot that I hadn't eaten dinner and I was completely wasted by 7PM.

We went out to the bar soon after that. We got into the bar and I went up to the bar to order the first round and bartender almost cut me off before serving me anything. I believe his exact words were "You guys look pretty sloshed already, I'll let you have this one, but slow down." While most of the next 3 hours exist as a 30 minutes in my memory, I went and sat down at a table full of girls and just started hitting on all of them. You see, MLK weekend is also College weekend, so there were lots of college girls around. I usually told them that I was a Senior at Michigan, but then soon after would forget the lie and talk about how I worked in Seattle. My biggest problem was that I was too drunk to remember anyone's name. I would start talking to a girl and then instantly have to ask her what her name was again and again. Eventually my friends found me on the dance floor grinding on a girl and to my dismay we left. Somehow I got lost because my next memory is me riding in a bus. But the bar was only like a 5 minute walk from our place. I got of the bus and bit it on a patch of ice. Eventually I found my way home and made it to bed.

Bright and way too early the next morning people were getting up to hit the slopes. It was a gorgeous day and I was proud to have made it to the mountain by 10 AM. There are two mountians that you can Ski from the base of Whistler. One gondola takes you to Whistler mountain and the other to Blackcomb. They face each other and there is a gondola that runs between the tops of both mountains. The gondola just opened up last year and is something like the longest unsupported span for any gondola in the world. It's really cool. The two days before we got there the mountain had been closed because they had a storm dump over 4 feet of fresh powder. The two mountains form the largest ski-able area in North America, and are 54% larger than the next largest (Vail). It has over 200 runs, of which I maybe went down 30. The skiing was awesome.

Saturday night we all went out for sushi and then after some pre-gaming and Rock Band we went out. My co-worker had managed to get us all on the list at a few of the bars. So instead of a 20 minute wait and a $25 cover, we were given VIP access. This time I just stuck with the line that I had graduated in Way. After getting brutally turned down from an Oregon State girl, me and my buddy Dan found two Sophomores at U-Dub who were no joke named Hope and Roxy. I swear those weren't their stage names either. I took the job of Wingman and grabbed Roxy and went to the dance floor. Roxy was less cute than Hope (who had a terrific rack) but she was a great dancer. A few shots and songs later we were making out and it was closing time. Dan gave the girl his number and made her text him even though she was on roaming charges. As Dan and I walked home we met two 30-something year olds that we tried to convince to come back to our hot tub. They weren't having any of it.

Sunday I was super hung over. Between my Unidentified Drinking Injuries (UDI's) and skiing I was pretty beat up. We made it up to Blackcomb and get some fresh powder that had fallen the previous night. We got some solid runs in were about to head over the Peak to Peak gondola to go back to Whistler Mountain. From the chairlift we could see a spot near the top where snowboarders were getting some mad air off of this lip on an ungroomed area. I decided to jump it on my ski's. With everyone skiing down the mountain and on the chairlift watching I decided to go for. Footloose had just come on my iPod so as I raced towards this 10 foot jump I dedicated my jump to Swayze. I shot out of the jump and I was told I was about 15 feet above the lip. I came down about 20 feet down the mountain and landed in 2 feet of powder. The instant my skis hit the powder they stopped and I wrecked face first into the snow. I could hear the collective "OHHHHHH" from everyone who was watching. People up the hill said it they saw me take the header and then it was a cloud of snow. Luckily it was soft powder so except for a mouthful of snow I was fine. The adrenaline rush stayed with me for the next hour.

While we took our time skiing down Whistler I went down a part of run where they are doing the Super-G in the Olympics in a few weeks. It was sweet, and even though my legs were like jello I shot down it. That night we went out to a Japanese steakhouse for dinner and then back to the condo. We were too beat to go out so instead we invented a drinking game for The Hangover. It involves drinking everytime they say the name of their lost friend Doug. It is great because you get to drink at least once every five minutes, and there are a few parts where you really need to chug. Like in the desert drug dealer scene, and when Ed Helms sings his ballad about Doug. I was drinking out of an abandoned two-liter bottle, so even though I only had two drinks, a liter of G n' T and a liter of Rum + Coke really put me on my ass.

Part of The Stroll in the Village

Overall, I came away super impressed with Whistler. The Skiing is unmatched. The village is beautiful and fun. Maybe it was just because it was college weekend, but the crowds seemed to be more fun too, unlike at Aspen where everyone is trying to be sophisticated and classy. Also, as an added bonus, all of the employees are from Australia. I don't need to detail what I would do for a girl with an Australian accent. My only complaint about anything would be that the lift lines were pretty long. Usually they were around 15 minutes but a couple of times they were over 25. But that's somewhat minor.



After consuming McDonald's for breakfast, Beef Jerky and 5 hour energy for lunch and eating massive dinners, my digestive system is completely wrecked. But one of the guys we were talking to on the lift told us how his hang over cure was - no joke - Red Bull and Pedialyte. The other guy on the lift then chimed in "Yeah, that's always what I do too". Is this common? How have I not heard of this yet? It makes sense though, Pedialyte is like packed full of hydration. I just need to figure out how to buy it without looking crazy.

So I'll leave you with a list of my current injuries and how they occurred:
Right shin scabbed up - Ski Boot
Left knee scabbed - Skiing mishap
Right armpit bruised - Co-worker body slam
Left bicep bruised - ????
Right elbow sore and bruised - Falling on the ice
Right pinky blood blisters - ??????
Tailbone - Falling on the ice while blackout/body slam
Whole body soreness - Whistler Weekend '10

NFL Bets Analysis

See the previous posts on my NFL betting strategy here and here.

This year, I tested the waters of NFL season over/under bets. I made this statement before the season began.

Again, the theme was bet on unders, and most likely there will be more teams that finish with less than 5 wins than Vegas predicts.

My three bets went 2-0-1 with Tampa Bay and Detroit both hitting the under and Miami resulting in a push. Also my prediction that there will be more teams with less than 5 wins than Vegas predicts was spot on. Vegas predicted there would be one, there were actually 5.

Check out this sweet chart I made. Then check out the badass graph I made.



So I did the full analysis to see if my system of betting would have proved profitable this year. With my system I would have bet on 18 unders and 14 overs. I would have ended up going 18-11-3. So in theory if I would have place $100 on each bet I would be up $700 at the end of the season. But the way sports betting works is that payouts aren't always 1:1. Usually you have to bet $110 to make $100. So if I bet $100 on each team and went 16-16 I wouldn't necessarily break even. I would actually be down like $160. Some bets pay out better than 2:1 though. This is because bookies will change the payouts to get even betting on both sides. This season even though I would have won 7 more than I lost I would have only made $535.

But one of the issues with betting on every team is that my systems sometimes finds the Vegas odds to be nearly identical to my odds. Then putting a bet down is like a coin flip. But it can be worse if the payouts are less than 1:1. So if I paired down my system to only the biggest differences between my predictions and Vegas odds and bet those I would have gone 10-6 and won $335.

While I've only looked at one season I am confidant that my systems works pretty well. But the real question is if my system is a better predictor of wins then the sportsbooks are. As a side note, my system relies on the Vegas odds to make my predictions. So I guess my systems relies on Vegas to be at least somewhat close to the actual odds, and from what I can tell they are.

So, I looked at the total difference between the actual results and both Vegas and my system. Vegas was off by 61 wins, while I was off by 58.33 wins. My variance was also 1.61 wins compared to 1.65 for Vegas. But I'm not sure that this comparison is valid because Vegas odds are in increments of .5 and my predictions are decimals.

I like the idea of betting the season over/under because the bet can minimize the randomness of football outcomes by aggregating a teams performance over 16 games. Sure they might get upset a couple of times, but they might also pull a few of their own. At the end of the day usually they are who we thought they were. So will I take this action next season? You betcha.