Rotatin'

I said in my birthday post that I wouldn't blog about my job. Which for the most part I don't. But my job has offered me an opportunity to spend the next 7 weeks on a rotational assignment in Washington DC. As this is bloggerific news, I thought I was fit to share.

When I began working I heard of past employees who had done rotations at our headquarters office in DC. By the time I started the rotations had pretty much stopped, but I still thought that they would be a good thing for me to experience. So over the past year I've worked - despite the objections of my management - to secure a rotation. This Sunday I'll be leaving for my big trip to DC.

I've been preparing for the trip. I'm already planning on taking a weekend trip up to NYC and another to a bachelor party in Nashville. I have been contacting all my old friends who live in our nations capitol and letting them get ready for my triumphant arrival. I've arraigned for suitable lodging at the Newseum on Pennsylvania Avenue.

When word got around the office that I was doing this rotation the most common question I was asked was if I would come back. I guess it is rather common for our headquarters to offer jobs to people from the field once they complete their rotations. So who knows, perhaps they'll ask me to move to DC.

Texts With Strangers Part 4

Tonight wasn't the first, second or even third time I've chatted it up with a random number that has texted me. Read on my followers, read on.


Random: This is Benjamin Franklin who is dis 
Me: This be James K Polk. What's up Benji? 
Random: Hello Mr. Polk. How u do today? U comin to da party at 3427 Hollywood Dr tonite? 
Random: Mr. Polk please elaborate with a response 
Me: What city is that in? 
Random: Uhh Mr. Polk you should no where Hollywood is. It is located in Hollywood, CA near LA 
Me: That's a little far Mr. Franklin. I fear I would be a bit late my good sir.
Random: Really? Where do reside Mr. Polk? Did my colleague Thomas contact you yet?
Me: I reside in the enchanted lands of the pacific northwest. Mister Thomas did not grace me with communication.
Random:  Mr. Thomas said that you claim to be Mr. Dave Strider from the great state of Texas? If that is true, then you have lied to two federal government employees.
Me:  As a fellow civil servant I cannot lie. I am neither the Honorable Dave Strider nor the affable James K Polk. I believe I have been the recipient of some false communication.
Random:  My colleague from Montana (special agent Desharnais) and I have traced your satellite location to Waterford, MI and your listed as Mr. Craig Borowski. Is this correct information sir?
Me:  That's a negative ghostrider. I know not of the gentlemen of which you speak.

Random: Sir, if you happen to be giving false information to special undercover agents of INTERPOL then you are committing a federal offense and we will send a few Feds to your location to sort things out. 

Random: As you lie, we are gathering more information Mr. Craig Borowski was a graduate of U of M, correct?
Me: I cannot attest to the factual accuracy of that information
Random:  Do you know of an individual by the name of skyrimwarrior on xbox live?
Me:  I'm afraid I do not.
Random:  Do you happen to know of an individual who is listed as your son (Nick Borowski)? To inform you, Nick is currently under government surveillance for "stealing copyrighted music" from a well known music downloader that has been recently investigated and taken over.
Me:  Do I happen to know my own son? Regretfully I have not met him. Will he be attending tonight's party?
Random:  Mr. Borowski, the party was a set up to try and get some written information from you. This happens to be Jude Sundquist. Have a nice day.
Me:  Ahh a classic Ruse. Well played my good man! Well played!


I have no idea what just transpired. At first I thought we were going with a urban-historical style but soon found myself using a more regal Victorian tone before finally finishing in some sort of polite interrogation. 

Christmas, NYE and The Sugar Bowl

I took quite the Christmas vacation.

It started with me flying home the night before Christmas Eve. I did my usual route to the airport which involves a mile walk to a bus, which takes me to a ferry, which takes me to a light rail, which takes me to the airport. From the airport I hopped on a nice little flight down to Phoenix. From Phoenix I slept during my flight to Chicago, and from there it was a quick jump to Detroit. I arrived home a little more than 19 hours after I left. And then I had to go do Christmas Shopping.

A week at home was just enough to remind me why I never want to live in the Detroit suburbs again. So despite the free beer, pool table and hot tub (not to mention family) I left Detroit the day before NYE and flew down to Houston. Of course on this trip it could never be that simple. To get to Houston, I had to fly through Washington DC and Jackson Mississippi. Once in Houston, I spent several days with Mark and Dave. One day we decided to wake up and go to a bowl game. So we grabbed some beer and went down to Reliant Stadium and scalped some tickets for about $17 each to the Texas Bowl.

After the game we went to this liqour store called Spec's. The only reason I mention it is because it has over 80,000 square feet of selling space. The place was an alcoholic's Disneyland.

For NYE we went with a big group out to a local bar. The great thing about Houston is that since it is so warm the bars are mostly patio's with the actual bar having large openings to the outdoor areas. It was a pretty good time but would not hold up amongst some of my better NYE's.

[FREE SIDEBLOG TIME]

Brian's Top 5 New Year's Eves
2008 - Ann Arbor, Michigan
2006 - Windsor, Canada
2010 - Washington, DC
1993 - Bedford, PA (I ate a bunch of chocolate fudge that year and puked everywhere around 12:15)
2009 - Seattle, WA

[END FREE SIDEBLOG TIME]

New years day was spent sitting on Mark's rooftop porch watching the Michigan Basketball game, smoking cigars and drinking whiskey. Pretty solid day.

The next morning Dave and I got on a flight from Houston to New Orleans to attend the Sugar Bowl. It was my first trip to New Orleans and I came away very impressed. There is just something about Bourbon street that makes me really like it. I haven't been to Beale Street in Memphis or downtown Savannah Georgia, so I can't provide another free sideblog of top 5 favorite streets in America. (Having no open container law is the only criteria for making my list of favorite streets in America)

 but I must say, it ranks high on the list so far. I can only imagine what it is like when the weather is above 55 degrees. Before going there my only real knowledge came from watching the Cops specials from Mardi Gras. That's how I knew that it's okay for girl to show their TaTa's but guys can't show their trouser snakes.

Before the Sugar Bowl we pre-gamed in the French Quarter with about 20 of my college friends and then went to the Superdome. I sat in the Student section which was great. The game was ugly but since we won, that meant a big party on Bourbon Street.

If there is a big party, you know that Craig will be there.

Side note: The previous morning he woke up next to a vending machine in a hotel he wasn't staying at.

Gratuitous David Cone shot with fellow Lahser alum Justin:

On the way back to the hotel a girl called my name. It just happened to be Mark Hugye's girlfriend who used to date my roommate, who was good friends with Mark. So I got to talk to Mark a minute and congratulate him on the season. We walked past many of the players on the way back. I even had my picture taken for a terrific Tumblr.

I did a lot of drinking in New Orleans. The 2 days we were there felt like 5 because we would go out and drink all afternoon and then take a nap and go out again at night. Great food, cool city. 5 Stars would visit again, A+++++.

The next day I flew back to Seattle (Through Denver of course). The following day I found myself sitting through an all day design review. It was quite the transition from partying on Bourbon Street to listening to a bunch of nerds talk about Delta T equations.

It was a pretty good vacation. I got to see lots of old friends and do many cool things. And doing cool things is cool.

WTTIF Gets Wood

Hello friends,

Long time no see. I've haven't been blogging at a incredible rate. But this post will have to be made as the official 5 year anniversary post. Which, for the record, is 5 days late. And I forgot to write one last year. Given the recent trend soon anniversary posts will constitute a large percentage of this blogs posts. Last year  I even blogged about how my lack of blogging has affected the number of birthday wall posts that I normally get. But that's not the reason I blog. As I laid out in my introductory post, this blog is to be used for the sole purpose of getting chicks.

But 5 years ago people were just figuring out how to dump things on this big truck we call an internet. Being a blogger was edgy and cool. Haven't any of you seen hackers? It was just like that. I was Dade "Zero Cool" Murphy and my readers were a sexier version of Angelina Jolie. But as the years dragged on I find that having a blog is considered passe. Blogs don't get chicks anymore. Today's babes only want guys with Tumblrs and over 100 twitter followers. I might as well be writing this on my LiveJournal while updating my MySpace.

Another problem with the blog is that content is harder to come by. It used to be that when I had no responsibilities I could go out and do stupid shit and then write (poorly) about it. But with a full-time professional job I have less time to spend doing stupid shit. And I refuse to let this blog divulge into me posting links to interesting things or write about my opinions on politics. There is enough of that on the internet already, thank you very much. And I'm not going to bore everyone by writing about my job.

The other real problem that has contributed to the demise of the blog has been the rise of Twitter. I've had a twitter account since March of 2009. It is interesting to note that it was also the last month that I also blogged more than 7 times. I think the twitters have taken away some of the low level content that once comprised the majority of the filler posts between the long posts. That basically leaves the blog for all the long-winded (boring) stuff like big trips. The problem is that no one wants to hear about other peoples trips unless there are pictures of naked people or you're leaving friends behind in Bloomington Indiana.

The good news is that I do have some posts that I plan on posting in the near future. You can consider this the preantepenultimate post of January 2012. Let's see where this year takes us, and let's pour some out for the last 5.

P.S. I'm really proud of what I did with the title of this post. Very high level stuff.

California Road Trip

Every once in awhile an opportunity comes up to take a road trip simply for the sake of taking a road trip. Usually the purpose of those trips are to drive 3 hours to the nearest Sonic. This weekend I had the opportunity to drive down to California so my girlfriend could get her car smog tested. Apparently due to her insurance rates it makes more sense to drive down to California every other year than to register her car in Washington. I had Friday off work for Veterans day (big ups to my federal employees) and not much else planned so I decided to join her.

The trip got off on the wrong foot. To get to Seattle I usually park at the Indian Casino (fo free) and take a bus to the ferry terminal. When I got to the terminal I realized that I was without my trusty cell phone. This was a serious problem. I've been on many road trips, most of which are written about in this blog. The best tool on a road trip is the iPhone. It's as useful for getting directions as it is for settling silly debates that arise during long drives.

*Side note: My first thought when I realized that I didn't have my phone was that it would be really cool to tweet all the things that I couldn't do over the course of the trip due to the lack of iPhone. I immediately realized that the first tweet would be "Can't tweet without my phone".

My more pressing problem was that I had neglected to tell the GF what ferry I would be on and when she should pick me up. Since I don't carry around an address book at all times I couldn't have even called her on a pay phone. It really made me realize how useless I felt without my phone. I've touched on my generations dependence on technology before but I couldn't even perform a simple task like arraigning a pick up from the ferry without my phone. Luckily I had my laptop, and was able to email her iPhone to let her know when I would arrive but I still felt pretty useless waiting at the terminal not knowing if she was coming or not.

On Friday we left Seattle at 5 AM. As the old adage goes "Some people just aren't cut out for life on the road". I was that people, and instantly fell asleep until we got to Portland around 9 AM. We made good time and got to Califorinia around 2 PM, we went to the first auto shop over the border and got the smog test and paperwork along with a very awkward post-smog-test hug from the inspector. With that complete we were on to the next portion of our adventure.

My girlfriends grandparents used to live in Medford, Oregon just across the border from California. Her grandmother was a hoarder to such an extent that her grandparents had two houses completely full of random stuff including every item ever sold on an infomercial. I could have walked away with a Big Mouth Billy Bass and a NuWave Oven if I had wanted. Her grandparents have both been moved to homes 2 years ago, and her parents have taken 6 trips to clear out their houses and filled up 7 large dumpsters. This was to be the last trip where they would clear out the rest of the house and take the valuables down to California.

Her parents had arrived 5 days before to start the final cleanup. Among the items that we were to be packing up was a collection of over 100 unopened Barbie Dolls that had been growing for over 5 decades. Everything in the house smelled real funky. But after a few hours on Saturday morning we had everything done. We then started our drive home. But before we could get too far we had to stop to watch the Michigan game.

We chose a sports bar in the dusty town of Medford. It was an interesting place to say the least. I wish I could have taken a picture of it but alas I was phone-less. The sort of place where patrons would come in order two Budweiser's, drink them and leave. The bartender seemed to know everyone that came in except us. This one feller comes in and sits next to me at the bar and orders a double well vodka and a bud back. He finished the double and then he orders another single well vodka. Finishes that, chugs the rest of his beer and leaves. Couldn't have been in the place more that 10 minutes. We finished watching Michigan win and then got on the road. We stayed the night in Eugene, and mad it back to Seattle this afternoon.

Not a bad 3-day 1,000 mile adventure. Next stop is Florida on Tuesday.

Blogging Book Report

I just finished reading John U Bacon's epic tome Three and Out about the Rich Rodriguez years as Head Coach of the Michigan Football Team. It left me with mixed feelings.

It was great in that it provided insight to some of the questions that had been lingering around the program the past few years, but it didn't quite deliver on all fronts. I was hoping for more meat between the buns. I think part of the problem is that Bacon was unable to get interviews with Carr, Martin and Coleman. And I can only imagine how tight-lipped that Carr interview would have actually been.

The book was hard to read knowing just how frustrating the story would end up. I had put that 2009 Illinois game behind me and tried not to look back, and having to relive that game was tough. Going back and having to remember being in the Big House for the loss to Toledo was another tough one. Three MSU and OSU losses weren't fun to remember either. It made me go back and wonder how things may have been different had one or two small things had gone the other way. The one that really gets me is the Antonio Bass injury. It's impossible to say, but I'd like to think that he is one player that could have really made a difference when Rodriguez arrived. He would have been a mobile senior quarterback perfect for the Rodriquez offense in 2008. A major upgrade over the Sheridan/Threet combo, I think he could have won us a few games and put the entire program on a different trajectory. But Butterfly effect and all, maybe with him we win the 2006 National Championship and Lloyd doesn't retire. Hard thing to predict, but it still sits in my mind.

My favorite part of the book was seeing the players behind the facade of the program. I liked the stories about how the players saw those years and what their views on the team were. It was also interesting to see people I knew and hung out with get mentioned in the book, though never in much detail.

Tomorrow night John Bacon is going to be in Seattle doing a talk and Q&A type thing. I've been thinking about the various questions I want to ask him. The one that's really puzzling me is the minimal mention of Justin Feagin in the book. Feagin was only mentioned as a high risk recruit when they were discussing the Demar Dorsey fiasco (which is another thing I want to ask about). But I clearly recall that there was some very negative backlash when he got kicked of the team for setting up a bad cocaine deal and then having the guy he set it up for try to burn down West Quad. I wonder if that just got left on the cutting room floor, or if there was more to it that only someone with access would have seen. It would also answer my questions on how a players dismissal affects the coaching staff, player, and team. The Boubacar Cissoko dismissal was mentioned in the book, but Bacon never talked about how that affected the team to see one of their own leave the program like that.

The Oregon Trip: The Great Ruse of 2011

It all started last Monday. I was sitting at work bullshitting with Kyle, the fellow Michigan Grad who I had help recruit. We had just gone to the Washington-Cal game the weekend before and had been talking about other games we wanted to go to. We both agreed that an Oregon Ducks game was near the top of our list and decided to take a look at their schedule. With other commitments looming in the weeks ahead we realized the our only opportunity would be the game that was coming up on Thursday. We looked at each other and asked "Can we really do this?" and then scrambled to open our Outlook calendars. With a little rescheduling we had cleared off Thursday afternoon and Friday and then told our boss what we were planning.

When we left work on Thursday morning we really had no concrete plans. We had lined up tickets but that was about it. We had a tent and a few sleeping bags, but much less in the way of arraignments. We drove all afternoon, stopping near Portland for Wendy's and filling our cooler with ice and beer. We rolled into Eugene and parked our car near the campus. We got out, shotgunned a beer, put 12 more in a plastic bag and walked towards campus. At Oregon, all of the campus is on the South Side of the Willamette river and the stadium is on the other side surrounded by large fields of tailgaters. Students walk along a short trail before taking a bend in the trail and seeing this:

We sat with a bunch of alumni and told them how we always wanted to go to a game here, and how we remember Oregon coming into Ann Arbor in 2007 and giving us a whipping behind the legs of Dennis Dixon. They were pretty good guys and we had some fun with the people around us. It may have helped that we had a couple of beers in the ol' belly by this point. They say it never rains at Autzen but it sure seemed to be that night. There are two interesting notes that are stuck in my mind from Autzen. 1) There is a ridiculous amount of corporate advertising in the stadium. Even the DuckVision has ads on it all the time. 2) They pumped up the crowd before the game with a montage set to the song Lightning Crashes by Live. It's a song about dead babies.

The view from our seats

The game was pretty good in the first half with Cal actually winning at halftime. But in the second half the Ducks came out ready to play. A few times the crowd got really loud and I could understand why Lloyd Carr called Autzen the loudest stadium he's ever coached in. For only 60,000 people they sure can make some noise. Overall the game experience at Autzen was generally positive and exciting.

After the game Kyle and I were hungry and decided to get some burritos. Without any alternatives we decided to drive out of town and sleep at a campground for the night. On the way there I ran over a possum in the Camaro.

The next morning we woke up and packed our things while discussing our plan for the day. We did consider the fact that we were halfway to San Francisco, and that we had Monday off work for Columbus Day so it was in the realm of possibility. But eventually we set out for Corvallis to eat breakfast and see what there would be to do in Oregon. We walked around the campus of Oregon State in Corvallis and even made a friend who informed us that Delta Upsilon was basically the "Frattiest Frat on campus". He also asked if we "wanted to party". It was only 11:30 in the morning, and at that moment be both dearly missed college.

Before leaving town we decided to stop by Reser Stadium. We walked right in and had ourselves a look around. We brought some adult beverages with us and decided why not shutgun a beer on the field.

Note all the advertising

After Oregon State we continued our tour of Oregon by heading towards the coast. We made it just in time to go on the tour of the Rogue Brewery in Newport. I've always liked breweries and enjoyed tours, but I found Rogue to be a little unique. Their only brewery and entire world headquarters is located inside of an old boat dry-storage shed, which is sitting in the parking lot of a marina. There is no lobby and you walk right into the fermentation tanks. It looked like a mexican meth lab built overnight in some shabby building. But boy is their beer tasty. After the tour we decided to head up the coast and towards Portland.

Me outside the Rogue Brewery on the Oregon Coast

This is where the story gets good.

Kyle had never been to Portland, and I absolutely love Portland so I wanted to give him a good taste of the city and to go out and get hammered. Our only problem was that we had no accommodations and wouldn't be able to drive to a campsite. That's when we came up with our greatest plan to date. The Occupy Wall Street protests had spread nationwide and in every major city there were groups camped out downtown. All we needed to do was to infiltrate the Occupy Portland movement and fake our way to free camping right by some of the best bars.

We found the park that they were occupying and we set up our tent in one of the last free patches of grass. On the drive into Portland we spent most of our time discussing how utterly stupid the protests were and created back stories for ourselves. When we introduced ourselves to our tent neighbors we said we worked for a small metals company in Seattle that supplied Boeing. We figured that telling the Anti-Goverment protesters that we worked for the Government may be a bad idea. The first protester we met welcomed us to the start of the "next great american revolution". I agreed, trying to keep the sarcasm from dripping into my words.

Portland is a city that in known for it's free speech laws, interesting characters (hippies and weirdo), and transients. It's the characters that give the city it's style and one of the things I like best about it. Well, many of the people that joined the occupy Portland movement look, dress and talk a whole lot different than the clean-cut, north-face wearing, iPhone 4 owning duo that are Kyle and Brian. But support is support, so we were welcomed freely.

After we setup our tent, word spread around that there would be a general assembly in 10 minutes. Of course we went, there could be useful information regarding the availability of "shit-buckets" for bodily needs. The first 20 minutes was spent going over the hand signals that we would be using to communicate and gain consensus. For an unorganized, leaderless protest there sure were a lot of sub-committees, action items and agenda topics. Great for a group who wants to end bureaucratic practices. The biggest issue facing the Occupy Portland movement seemed to be who got to be in charge of the Occupy Portland movement. After a while of waiting to get to the "shit-bucket" agenda item, I decided to break away and become the leader of the Occupy Chipotle's Bathroom Movement. It was an overwhelming success.

After that Kyle and I decided to hit some of the best bars in Portland. We started at the Barcade, where I proceeded to spank him up and down the field in Madden 99. Then over to the Thirsty Lion where the U-M Alumni Association meets to watch the games. We talked about sticking around Portland to watch the Michigan game the next day but then realized it was a 4pm game. We ended the night checking out some of Portland's finer entertainment and grabbing some Street Cart food which Portland is famous for.

We wandered back to camp pretty drunk and ready to prod the revolution. I decided to jump in with both feet and gauge the sentiments of the crowd. It was 2AM and the camp was arush with activity. The camp library was still open, and the chefs has a pretty tasty hobo stew cooked up. Kyle wandered off to bed while I argued for the need to end corn-subsidies. The entire thing cracked me up, but I managed to keep a pretty straight face. After talking to some people about my idea to fix the trade deficit a few of the protesters said that I should start a camp newspaper. I started to consider the thought on my way back to the tent before I realized how ridiculous it was.

When we woke up the next morning we were hungover and realized that our ruse had worked. We had actually faked joined a nationwide protest so we could go out and get completely blitzed and then camp in a city park for free. We got out of our tent and realized that the park had been fenced in. The Portland Marathon was that morning fences had been erected around the park. We quickly and quietly packed up our tent and went to leave. On the way out I managed to get a picture of the camp.

The camp. You can see the fences around the park.

We drove back to Seattle and completed our 3-day, 700 mile tour of Oregon. When we got back we went to the bar despite terrible hangovers and watch Michigan come back to beat Northwestern. The best part of the trip was that we never had a real plan worked out, yet everything seemed to work out. We flew by the seat of our pants, never knowing what lay ahead. Now when our clearances are up for renewal we'll have a pretty funny story to tell the investigating agent when they ask if we've ever protested against the government.