Back in Seattle

Well friends, the summer has concluded and I am back where I started in the Pacific Northwest. It has been a journey. I've driven 12,652 miles through 30 states, 2 provinces of Canada, the District of Columbia and I visited 5 countries of Europe.

I think I've learned a lot about myself these past 5 months. I was able to remind myself of my friends and family, and getting to spend time with the people who made me who I am was definitely worth the adventure. I truly enjoyed going to places I had never been. Even some of the small roadside attractions where equally as cool as some of the amazing sights of Europe.

The last five months also closed the book on the College Brian. Being back in Ann Arbor and getting another sweet taste of the college life was one of my favorite parts of the trip. But I think it also served as a conclusion to that part of my life. It's really time that I became more of a real person. I think I'll always look back on my time in Ann Arbor doing foolish things and living in filth as some of the best times in my life, but it is time to move on.

It's a bit of a different world out here. I have a girlfriend who has a respectable condo, and respectable "couple friends" who do respectable things like eat respectable sushi and drink respectable wine out of respectable glassware. Whereas the old version of me would rather be eating gas station sushi on the roof of a house while drinking fortified bum-wine out of a chalice from goodwill surrounded by friends who also enjoy these things. But those friends have grown up and disappeared into the real world and it seems like it's about time that I do the same.

Getting one last chance to do that was immensely satisfying, but I knew it was my last shot for re-living some of my glory days, and I think I needed one last good taste of the lifestyle before it was too late. There will still be weekends back in Ann Arbor, and good weekends out here. But at the end of those we'll go back to our jobs and beds that aren't hand-me-down futons from our sibilings dorm room. It's probably the best direction for my life to go and the one that will be the most satisfying in the future. Still it's hard to let go of the past.

The states I've been to this summer:

​

​Create your own visited states map​ or check out the ​JavaScript Maps​.

​
The only new state that I visited was South Dakota. The list of states that I've never been to now sits at 6; Hawaii, Arkansas, Mississippi, Maine, Vermont and New Hampshire. Officially I've been to Vermont when I was a wee lad but I don't really count it.

But the funemployment is about to come to an end. I'm now back here to find a job and get back to being a productive member of society.

But before I can do that, I'm taking a quick 1,500 mile road trip to Davis, California this weekend with my girlfriend. It should be nothing for an old road warrior like me. I guess that will put me at 14,152 miles over the past 5 months.

Putting down roots?

Every summer for the past 6 years I've packed up everything I owned and moved. I found that a yearly move pretty much shaped my mindset on materialistic possessions in two ways. First, everything I owned had to fit into the back of a car. Second, I couldn't ever become attached to anything. Everything I owned was temporary and I only owned what I needed.

This is the first summer since I was 17 that I won't be moving. It's a strange feeling knowing that I can purchase furniture and expect to still own it in 5 or 10 years. In my parents house they still have furniture that my dad owned when he was in college. It's a little bizarre thinking that some of my possessions could follow me that long.

I think that at a certain point people become so bogged down by what they have that they can never escape. It's more than just furniture and shit on the walls. When people stop moving and settle into a house, a job, and relationships they eventually become bound by the same things that make their lives comfortable. Item by item, paycheck by paycheck, date by date they slip into the routine.

What scares me is that I can see myself slowly falling into this settled down life and it scares me. Yesterday I bought an ice cream scoop. I don't even have any ice cream in my house. It just makes me think of a scene from the wire where Dennis "Cutty" Wise goes to The Deacon. He sits down and says "I've had this feeling for a long time and it's like I'm standing outside myself watching me do things I don't want to do." Now he was probably talking about murdering people and whatnot. But I see my life falling in this rut where 20 years from now I'm sitting in the same office, driving down the same roads home and wondering how despite all having everything I want, why I still feel like my life was a little too predictable.

Before Cutty says that line above he starts out the conversation by saying "The truth is I don't know what I want. I know I'm looking for something but I can't even tell you what it is." In a certain way that's how I feel. I have a good job, lots of nice things and a pretty awesome girlfriend. So it bothers me that I feel like I'm not living this life to the fullest. Last weekend when Dave was here he told me that I'm going through a quarter life crisis. I don't know about that but I think I need to keep mixing it up before it's too late.