I didn't begin drinking in earnest until college. In high school my main group of friends didn't really drink. I had a few friend circles that would imbibe, but it always seemed very risky while I was still living at home. The most drinking I did in high school was when we would go up to either U of M or MSU to visit older siblings or friends who had already matriculated. From those visits I went into college with a mindset that drinking was at the forefront of college social life. And anyone whose been to a midwestern college can probably agree with that statement.
 |
| Me at college orientation, before I learned my drinking boundaries |
Once I got to college I no longer had to worry about my parents catching me or anyone driving, and it was the main thing to do. My first semester of college I once got written up twice for drinking in the dorms within 24 hours. But going out and drinking was also how I made social connections.
 |
| Is that a keg in our dorm? |
What I quickly learned in college was that drinking until I blacked out or puked was not that much fun, and there was a sweet spot of getting pretty drunk without being that guy passed out in the corner. I crossed that line from time to time, but I really got the hang of knowing when I needed to slow down or just call it a night, and that skill has served me well over the years.
 |
| College |
Nearly all drinking in college was binge drinking. Whether it was a football tailgate, a declared Drunk All Day Day (DADD), sitting around watching Gettysburg, before going out to a party, the beer Olympics or the actual Olympics, there was usually copious amounts of booze being consumed. Honestly, I think this blog post best summarizes my college drinking.
At the time everyone knew we were binge drinking, but it was college, and it's hard to call someone an alcoholic when everyone is drunk all the time and you're 20 years old. Alcoholics were old and drinking in their car in a 7-11 parking lot, that couldn't have been us. Even though everyone was drinking a lot there already were a couple of friends who seemed to have less control, and in later years a few of those friends would develop serious alcohol issues. I think we all walked a fine line, and some were able to pull back and some walked right over that line into alcoholism in their early 20s.
After college I started working and really stopped binge drinking as much. At first I lived alone and drinking usually meant crashing at a friends place since I'd have to drive. During this time is also when I first had money to spare so I started drinking slightly nicer stuff. Bud Light instead of Natty Light. I also started drinking just after getting home from work and this is really when I found my love for Rum & Cokes. I'd make a couple over the course of the evening, but since I had work in the morning it'd just be enough to get me a mild buzz before bed. I still like to drink alone. I know that's an indicator of sorts, but I still really enjoy a night just hanging out solo and making a few cocktails.
Then I moved to place with a roommate where we could walk to the bars of the quaint fishing village we lived in. This is the first and only time I've ever become a "regular" at a bar. I also got a girlfriend who lived in Seattle so I no longer had to worry about missing the last ferry back home. Still being in my mid-twenties, I was trying to keep living that college life on the weekends. I also spent more time seeing my college friends or going to weddings and bachelor parties where there was mucho drinko.
 |
| Post-college Edward-40-Hands. |
For the last 5 years I've had kids, and that's made me re-evaluate my alcohol consumption. Before then if I was three sheets to wind it wasn't a big deal, and had the time to spend a Sunday nursing a hangover. But kids need care and attention 24/7, and all the sudden being a bit tipsy on the regular wasn't a great idea. But I still liked booze and it became the time when I really had to think about whether I was drinking too much, or on a slippery slope towards a drinking problem. I thought about it a lot and I think there are a lot of people who are on a slow but steady path to alcoholism, and I I decided I didn't want to be one of them.
I was still thinking about it in March of 2020 when all the sudden we were stuck at home with not much else to do besides drink. Those first few weeks of lockdown were a lot of fun. Working from home, making some cocktails or splitting a bottle of wine each night. But I soon realized I hadn't been sober for an entire day for like 20 straight days. So I decided to not drink at all two days of the week. For the past two years I haven't drank at all on Mondays and Thursday - with a few exceptions for special events. I've slowly tried to work in not drinking on Tuesdays as well - and eventually I'd like to only drink on the weekends. Even with these self-imposed limitations I'm still right on the edge of consuming 15 drinks a week which is what the CDC calls a heavy drinker - but it's really just getting a buzz in the few hours between the kid's bedtime and my bedtime.
Even when I don't drink I still look forward to drinking which I take to be another negative indicator. If I'm not drinking that day, I'll tell myself how I'm really going to cut loose the next day. But then the next day comes and once I'm done with work then I need to watch the kids, and then it's dinner and I can maybe down a beer or glass of wine with dinner, but then it's like an hour of putting the kids to bed, and once they're down I go to make myself a cocktail and I'm already getting a little tired so I'll have one but then I have to really convince myself to make a second, and then it's late and I'm not feeling nearly as good as I wanted to be and I go to bed - but that's good right?
I don't think I have a compulsion to drink, but sometimes it's takes more willpower to not drink on Mondays and Thursdays then I'd like. And that scares me a bit. This leads me into this prolonged battle to be able to enjoy alcohol without fear of falling into alcoholism. It's a bit of an internal tug-of-war. While I don't think I'm anywhere close to it, I'm a tiny bit afraid of becoming an alcoholic. But the reason I'm afraid of becoming an alcoholic is that it would mean that I flat-out couldn't drink anymore as the only true solution to alcoholism is total abstinence. The thought of going to Vegas sober, or not drinking a beer around a campfire, or not having a cold one in the shower after working in they yard all drives that fear. It's a very circular logic to think that if I enjoy this vice to much I won't be able to enjoy it at all.
I hope that being aware of my drinking habits, putting some healthy limitations in place and being honest with myself will allow me to keep enjoying one of my favorite hobbies.
Cheers!
