Creepy Steve

Creepy Steve was our neighbor for two years in college. At first he was just known as Steve but his nickname was well earned. We originally knew Steve trough our neighbor Chris Orr. Chris was a legend in his own right having once been threatened by basketball referee Jim Burr and also for having this quote appear in the Michigan Daily:

Perhaps LSA senior Chris Orr has a better approach. Like Vinny, Orr started drinking early and took a few Nalgene bottles filled with Killian’s Irish Red to class just to “keep the buzz going.” Orr gets regularly bored in class on St. Patrick's Day.

Anyways, over the course of two years our group of friends got to know Creepy Steve rather well. Steve was a big lovable oaf. He was one of the kindest and most unintentionally funny people I ever met at college. But Steve's biggest problem was with women.




As much as Steve would try, he was terrible at talking to girls. But what he lacked in charm and charisma he made up for double in effort. But as much as Steve loved trying to get girls, he also loved booze. (As a short side story, Steve once had his mom coming to visit on gameday around 10AM and he got so drunk that his mom showed up and he was passed out on a couch at the BOX house covered with sharpie). But that worked well because Steve was kind of shy, so he could really only talk to - as he called them - "hot chicks" after having a few drinks. This might have lead to Steve's other problem; he was a rather sloppy drunk. So we would be at parties at our friends houses and for the first hour or so Steve would be in the corner drinking beer. Eventually at a certain point in the night Steve would let everyone at the party know that it was time for him to start hitting on girls. And what was this magical signal? Steve would be so drunk that he would completely miss his mouth trying to drink a beer and pour it all down his shirt. To this day the "Creeper Steve" look is a short sleeved button down with beer poured down the front.

So Steve would go around with his beer covered shirt and start macking on the ladies. Steve was equal opportunity and it didn't matter if a girl was way out of his league or already taken by another guy. Usually the conversations wouldn't last long. This is probably because Steve didn't have a great mastery of pickup lines. Generally he would go up to girls and open with a compliment like "You have beautiful eyes" which isn't necessarily bad except when the girl is with a group of her friends and the guy is extrodinarily drunk. He once told our very attractive female friend that "She had beautiful arms". Steve also once told me how he was going to hit on that hot girl in the corner and then went over before I could tell him that she was my sister. This almost always lead to girls coming up to us and asking who the creepy guy with the beer all over his shirt was. And to that we would reply "Well, that's Creepy Steve"

But the story has a happy ending as Steve now has a girlfriend, so his days of chugging beer and wrestling Chris Orr in the front yard of the BOX house may be behind him.