I ain't no Randy Wagstaff

I have a interesting relationship with the police. I've called the police a few times when I saw a crime that needed stopping. But other times, I find myself siding with the criminals. Take tonight for example.

Right near where I am staying there is a little plaza. I walk through it every afternoon on my way home from work, and there are always the same 6-8 kids skateboarding in plaza. Just hanging out and skateboarding reminding me of the sweet nose manuals I used to pull off in Tony Hawk.

Tonight I left to go up the street to grab some takeout Indian Food (because I'm bored at work and look forward to spending time in the bathroom playing games on my phone). On the way I passed a bunch of kids throwing their skateboards in the bushes in between the two buildings near the plaza. When I got to the plaza I figured out why. A cop had caught one of them and was patting him down as I walked past.

A few minutes later as I was walking back down the street towards the plaza 3 or 4 police cars came out of nowhere with their sirens blaring and a bunch of people were pointing and telling the cops that the kid had just took off on foot.

I walked back to the hideout where the rest of the skateboarders where hanging out and asked him what their friend did. They said they were just busted for skateboarding. I think busting kids for skateboarding is bullshit. And if other people are going to help the cops arrest someone for riding a skateboard, I'm going to help the skateboarders achieve freedom. Just like William Wallace.

So I tipped them off there there were a whole bunch of cops in the plaza and that there friend ran off. In return they called me "one cool-ass dude". Which is the best compliment I've received since a black lady complimented me on my fashion.

My Birthday / Work Training

I dedicate a large amount of blog content to something I really don’t care about: Facebook Birthday Wall Posts. I never write on anyone’s wall for their birthday. Like not even members of my family. But every year I find it interesting the people that take the time to wish me a happy birthday.

My favorite is this guy named Ray. I used to do class work in the Ross Academic Center (the one for athletes). It was one of a few locations on central campus that had CAEN computers to hook up to the engineering network. The CAEN centers in the UGLI and Fishbowl were always packed, but the Academic Center had 3 CAEN machines in a private room that were never used because very few athletes are engineers. One time I went in there and this guy named Ray was in there as well. We talked for like twenty minutes while we were doing work. That was the entire extent of our interaction. The next day he friended me on Facebook. I accepted because I thought I might see him down there again, and I’m a friendly guy. But I didn’t ever see him again. Yet, every year without fail he wishes me a happy birthday.

I sometimes wonder how long he will keep it up. Like when I’m in my 40’s and my kids (assuming they’re not illiterate) ask me who is that “Ray” guy is who always wishes me happy birthday on the facebook machine. And I have to tell them the whole story of the 20 minutes we spent exchanging pleasantries in the basement of the academic center back in 2008.

--

We have this online training class that we are required to take annually at work. It’s a training on anti-terrorism that tries to use real life scenarios. So imagine this: I am assigned to go to a conference in LA. On my flight there my plane gets hijacked by terrorists. After that happens I get followed by a strange van to the hotel. After I check in I go to a restaurant and where I am solicited by someone of the opposite gender for information. The next morning I go out to my rental car and find a grenade booby trapped under my car. At this point I still don’t consider saying “F it” and going home. Then that night someone claiming to be room service breaks into my hotel room and holds me at gun point. They then call me an imperialist. Then they hold me hostage overnight before the police come in and rescue me in the morning. It is only at this point do I decided that maybe the trip isn’t worth the hassle and go home. Talk about realistic training, because this happens to me like every time I travel.

Also, if you really want to have a bummer of a birthday try taking the annual training on human trafficking awareness. Because nothing ruins a perfectly good day like spending a few hours learning about people being kidnapped, abused, beaten, sold, prostituted and forced into being suicide bombers. 

The American Barbershop

It was just like this.

Back in Washington (the state) I usually get my hair cut at a place officially called The Hair Club for Men. A guy from work and I are on the same haircut schedule so we usually go after work to get haircuts and then grab a drink at the Japanese Steakhouse next door. We refer to the barber shop as the "geisha lounge" because it is staffed by all Asian women (except for one token white lady) and caters to giving High-and-Tight haircuts that the sailors and marines. We call the entire strip mall Silverdale's Asian Village because in addition to the Geisha Lounge and Japanese Steakhouse there is a Teriyaki place and a Asian Nail Salon. There goes any hope this post had for being racially sensitive.

I went to the barbershop today in DC for a haircut. I didn't know of one in DC so I looked one up on my iPhone and went to it. It turned out to be a black barbershop, but I went in anyways because they had an open chair and I needed a haircut. The haircut was fine but while I was in there though it really got me thinking.

It seems to me that barbershops are one of the last businesses in America that truly segregated. I think this may be due to two reasons. 

First, I think it has a lot to do with the differences between the hair. It probably takes a different skill set to cut hair for white vs black people. As I was getting my hair cut, I couldn't think of a single time that a black person had come in for a haircut while I was at the barber (except for today). I'm not even sure the lady that cuts my hair would know what to do with someone without fine hair. And since she doesn't speak much English, I'm not sure anyone could explain it to her.

Second, I think the there is a cultural aspect to the black barbershop that doesn't exist in white barbershops. Granted, I'm making this statement after only one visit to a black barbershop and several repeated viewings of Barbershop 2: Back in Business. The black barbershop seems like a social event rather then an errand. When I was there today, there were a couple of guys just hanging out and not even getting their hair cut. I would never hang out at my barbershop (even though they do have a pool table). 

I think it is interesting that in a society that is becoming more and more inclusive, the strong holdout is none other than the lowly corner barbershop for practical reasons as well as cultural. Although, I'd reckon that churches may be high on the list too. But today, I broke down the final barrier. Or at least I hope they didn't make fun of me after I left.

DC Observations Part 2

I've finally found the part of Chinatown with the Chinese people in it!

The District of Columbia has the only licences plates to include a gripe on them. While most states use their motto or say something positive about the place, DC licenses plates just complain about "Taxation Without Representation". At least they get to vote for president (Thanks 23rd amendment).

I've been trying to figure out which of these three retail establishments have more locations in DC: CVS, Potbellys or Cosi. I passed by three of each on a short 10 minute walk tonight.

It's hard getting back on the East Coast TV schedule. It's nice being able to watch the Daily Show at 7 PM.

I've been maintaining my sandwich consumption ratio.

DC Observations

I've been in DC for a little more than 48 hours. So far I've made a few observations. I've been to DC many times before, but this is my first in a somewhat residential setting.

I've been to "Chinatown" twice and so far I have yet to see a single Chinese person. And it's not like it's just an antiquated term, all the signs are also in Chinese. The Bed Bath and Beyond I was at last night proudly displayed it's name in Chinese. I'm guessing what happened was something like this. The DC government probably decided that other cool cities have a Chinatown and they wanted one too. So they made an area Chinatown and forgot to, you know, actually get Chinese people to live there. I'm sure that's wrong, but it's the way I'm going to rationalize it.

The Top 25 Played list on the iTunes of my mostly unused laptop consists entirely of songs by Hall and Oates and Peter Frampton.

I've only consumed 2 Yeunglings.

People in DC really respect the "fast lane". Whether it be escalators to the Metro, or just the sidewalk. If you ain't movin' fast you best be on the right side.

Without a car, I've gotten used to walking everywhere again. Last time I was living carless was the summer of 2008 when I lived in Chicago. It makes running all my errands no longer a one day event. I can basically only go to one store a day, because I can only buy what I can carry home. Each day, I have to choose the most pressing need and fulfill that. So the winner has been hangers yesterday and then today it was food. Tomorrow is looking like HDMI cable might win.

My Sandwhich to Non-Sandwhich meal ratio is 3:1.

Rotatin'

I said in my birthday post that I wouldn't blog about my job. Which for the most part I don't. But my job has offered me an opportunity to spend the next 7 weeks on a rotational assignment in Washington DC. As this is bloggerific news, I thought I was fit to share.

When I began working I heard of past employees who had done rotations at our headquarters office in DC. By the time I started the rotations had pretty much stopped, but I still thought that they would be a good thing for me to experience. So over the past year I've worked - despite the objections of my management - to secure a rotation. This Sunday I'll be leaving for my big trip to DC.

I've been preparing for the trip. I'm already planning on taking a weekend trip up to NYC and another to a bachelor party in Nashville. I have been contacting all my old friends who live in our nations capitol and letting them get ready for my triumphant arrival. I've arraigned for suitable lodging at the Newseum on Pennsylvania Avenue.

When word got around the office that I was doing this rotation the most common question I was asked was if I would come back. I guess it is rather common for our headquarters to offer jobs to people from the field once they complete their rotations. So who knows, perhaps they'll ask me to move to DC.

Texts With Strangers Part 4

Tonight wasn't the first, second or even third time I've chatted it up with a random number that has texted me. Read on my followers, read on.


Random: This is Benjamin Franklin who is dis 
Me: This be James K Polk. What's up Benji? 
Random: Hello Mr. Polk. How u do today? U comin to da party at 3427 Hollywood Dr tonite? 
Random: Mr. Polk please elaborate with a response 
Me: What city is that in? 
Random: Uhh Mr. Polk you should no where Hollywood is. It is located in Hollywood, CA near LA 
Me: That's a little far Mr. Franklin. I fear I would be a bit late my good sir.
Random: Really? Where do reside Mr. Polk? Did my colleague Thomas contact you yet?
Me: I reside in the enchanted lands of the pacific northwest. Mister Thomas did not grace me with communication.
Random:  Mr. Thomas said that you claim to be Mr. Dave Strider from the great state of Texas? If that is true, then you have lied to two federal government employees.
Me:  As a fellow civil servant I cannot lie. I am neither the Honorable Dave Strider nor the affable James K Polk. I believe I have been the recipient of some false communication.
Random:  My colleague from Montana (special agent Desharnais) and I have traced your satellite location to Waterford, MI and your listed as Mr. Craig Borowski. Is this correct information sir?
Me:  That's a negative ghostrider. I know not of the gentlemen of which you speak.

Random: Sir, if you happen to be giving false information to special undercover agents of INTERPOL then you are committing a federal offense and we will send a few Feds to your location to sort things out. 

Random: As you lie, we are gathering more information Mr. Craig Borowski was a graduate of U of M, correct?
Me: I cannot attest to the factual accuracy of that information
Random:  Do you know of an individual by the name of skyrimwarrior on xbox live?
Me:  I'm afraid I do not.
Random:  Do you happen to know of an individual who is listed as your son (Nick Borowski)? To inform you, Nick is currently under government surveillance for "stealing copyrighted music" from a well known music downloader that has been recently investigated and taken over.
Me:  Do I happen to know my own son? Regretfully I have not met him. Will he be attending tonight's party?
Random:  Mr. Borowski, the party was a set up to try and get some written information from you. This happens to be Jude Sundquist. Have a nice day.
Me:  Ahh a classic Ruse. Well played my good man! Well played!


I have no idea what just transpired. At first I thought we were going with a urban-historical style but soon found myself using a more regal Victorian tone before finally finishing in some sort of polite interrogation.